My cousin recently informed DH and I that she had discovered the “perfect boy name” and that we weren’t allowed to use it for our son. She is NOT even pregnant and I am 20 weeks along with our little boy. The name she has “come up with” is cute, and I don’t think I necessarily want to use it, but it irks me that she thinks she can “reserve a name”. Any suggestions on how to approach this situation and maintain the family peace? My husband and I are still searching for the perfect name for our little boy…
If it’s not a name you would use then there’s really no problem.
It is a little presumptuous if she’s not pregnant yet to reserve a name, especially if she later changes her mind on it.
However, from her point of view I can sort of understand. [name]Imagine[/name] how much it would suck to find a name that feels perfect to you before you concieve and then a relative uses that name so you feel you can’t use it again and it was the perfect name for you.
I don’t generally suggest my favourite names that I would use to people on here even.
Could she have been nicer about it? Sure. But given that it’s not a name you think you really want to use, so what if she wants it? If she called dibs on your perfect name, I could see it warranting some kind of discussion.
I would just let it go because you don’t like the name she has chosen that much. But if she tries to reserve another name such as a middle name or a name for a girl that you love, you can put your foot down. You can say, I’m pregnant and when we name our baby, those names will be reserved.
If there’s no dispute over the actual name she has reserved, just carry on. If she was rude about it or presumptuous, the polite thing to do is just carry about your business and don’t make a situation. If you already decide you like a name and don’t tell anyone and they are not pregnant and you are, and then they reserve the same name, you would have to address it. It’s not like you heard the name and then “stole” it, but you shouldn’t have to revisit the list after your child’s name is already been settled between you and DH.
It’s better, I think, to let people know what names you are definitely in mind to use than to hope they don’t use them, as long as you’re not hogging all the good names. [name]Don[/name]'t send people a list of 20 names you might use so they can’t take any of them in case you do, but it’s ok to say, when I have a son, I definitely want this name. It’s not ok to be rude about it, but in that case, just don’t get worked up about it.
This is a difficult one if she is going to have ‘attitude’ maybe a light hearted 'oh, yes we have reserved all the names that start from A-Z, so don’t be surprised if I use a name on your list too".
I think it is perfectly fine to reserve a name. To be honest, I’m confused about why you are so irritated. It wasn’t like she told you a long list of names, she told you one. The situation would be different if you told her the name you were thinking of and then she responded that it was ‘her’ name. It’s just one name that SHE loves and wants to use. I also think some sensitivity about her not being pregnant may be important. Are they trying to get pregnant and having a difficult time? If that’s the case I think it’s important to remember this whole process may be difficult for her. I’m not saying you shouldn’t enjoy your pregnancy and she shouldn’t celebrate your’s, I’m just saying be aware. My husband and I had a very hard time getting pregnant with our second and watched several family members and friends get pregnant and have babies. It’s tough if that’s what you want. My husband and I are pregnant now though! Also, I also think it’s very easy when you are pregnant to let things get bigger than they really are. This isn’t a big deal, it’s one name that she loves. Let her have it and be excited with her for when she finally gets to use it.
I really hope this response doesn’t upset you. When I get really worked up about something I need someone to tell me to step back and take a breath. I’m glad you have this forum to vent and gain perspective.
Another thing that could be worth noting, aside from pp’s supposing she is having trouble getting pregnant - maybe she is younger, I don’t mean too young, but it is somewhat difficult to be the young one in the family, and have aspirations of parenthood, while watching the older ones get married and have babies and start to use up some good names. What if she’s not ready yet, should people get the names because they got to it before she could? I mean, within reason. She is only reserving one name, and you could just cross that off your list rather than be petty. Some people are ok having two kids in a family with the same name, and some don’t want to copy or be copied. I think it is normal to want to set your plans out ahead.
When, say, there are 8 cousins and the first one to start a family gets to use any name they want, and the next 2-3 cousins start to make their families (maybe big families), and before you know it, several of the names you love are being used, and the choices get slimmer. You might not even have the same taste, but many people do, and seeing your short list shortened for you might not feel so good if you are behind in the babymaking. Instead of rushing into pregnancy (or for that matter, a relationship and marriage), it might seem like a good idea to reserve a name before anyone else gets a chance to swipe it, or else see what you’re left with by the time it’s your turn. Nothing.
The difference would be if the name she reserved had been a top choice and you were just ready to settle on it and tell people. Could be a headache. At this point, let her have it, and choose something else. No need to be irked about it. The point of her letting you know in time was so that neither of you have to settle for a name you don’t love. Maybe her wording didn’t really manage to make that point, but she doesn’t want to pick a different name, and you still are deciding, and from what I gather, it’s not a name you were desperate to use anyway, but she doesn’t know what’s on your mind, she just doesn’t want to see it inadvertently swiped, so she claimed it. You can’t read her mind either.
A similar thing happened to me…a relative told me when I was pregnant w/ my son that I wasn’t “allowed” to use her “chosen” names…she was 20 at the time–in college—not married—not pregnant…She told me I couldn’t use [name]Gage[/name] or [name]Colby[/name]. Well thank goodness neither of those name are my tastes AT ALL----so it was dropped w/ a cutesy laugh and that was the end of it!
Good [name]Luck[/name]!
Coming from someone who does not have children and has also watched many of my close friends and relatives have babies in the recent years, I understand where your cousin is coming from.
A few years ago, my sisters, cousins and I were sitting around talking about our names that we wanted to use. Two of the girls were pregnant at the time, and 4 of us were not. We all wrote two names on a piece of paper (male and female) of names that we would like to “reserve” and out of politeness, the others would not use them. And if we had a “tie” it was first come, first serve kind of thing. Anyways, although several of the names written down (boys) were names that were on our long lists, only one name was repeated, as most of us all had a different favorite name! All of our girl names were very different!
Although our tastes might change, we still had the chance to “reserve” a name without hard feelings.
While your cousin may have been more tactful about “reserving” her name, I don’t see why you should really be upset, especially since it is not a name that you would use. [name]Just[/name] be thankful about that! Good luck on your search for the perfect name!
I would be grateful that there isn’t really a clash with the names that you have already chosen but I’m with you on the irritation of supposedly ‘reserving’ a name.
This happened with some people in my wider group of friends when I was pregnant with my first. There were 4 of us pregnant at the same time and although I was due a couple months before everyone else 2 of the other couples ‘pre-announced’ their chosen names just before my due date. It irritated me greatly at the time because they both announced the same name DH and I had just decided on but were keeping secret, but in the end I was glad for the insight as I didn’t want our daughter to be the 3rd girl with the same name, which she definitely would have been if we hadn’t have known the other’s choices.
I never tell people my name choices until after the birth, partly for fear that we’ll inspire someone else, partly out of respect to others who are due before me - [name]IMO[/name] it’s first come first served with this sort of thing, and mostly because I think I’ll probably change my mind at the last minute! My sisters and I know each other’s favourites and would never use each other’s choices although I think beyond immediate family it does seem a bit presumptuous to attempt to name reserve. [name]Just[/name] how I feel. That said, if I was in your situation I think I would still avoid ‘her’ name for the sake of family peace.