Oh, [name_f]Anna[/name_f], you’d think your mother would understand by now that her input is unwelcome, and unlikely to change your mind! I’m sorry she’s still giving you grief over such personal matters.
My experience has been split - my parents were not exactly thrilled when I told them I was pregnant, while my partner’s parents were over the moon; both sets of grandparents-to-be were not great during the pregnancy but have been very involved and helpful since Reu’s birth; now they’re polar opposites on the subject of more grandkids.
When I told my mom that my partner and I were talking about trying to have a child “some time in the next year or so,” her first words were “[name_m]Just[/name_m] be sure that he’s the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, because it’s not good for the kids otherwise.” I was so angry and hurt by that - I felt that she was disrespecting my ability to make sound choices as a partner and as a would-be parent. She was overbearing all through my pregnancy and it made me batty! I wanted a lot of privacy because I was not enjoying pregnancy as much as everyone seemed to think I should be (myself included), and she had a hard time respecting the boundaries I tried to place and/or supporting me when I was dealing with a difficulty. She has been wonderful with my son since he was born (although, again, boundaries consistently need reestablishment). She has made it clear that she is happy with one grandchild, even as his second birthday comes up (my sister and I are two years apart). I think if I were to get pregnant again any time soon, she’d be similarly ambivalent about the news but great with the actual second grandkid. I do think it helps that my sister wants kids - there’s no pressure on me to “provide” all the grandchildren for my parents - but I wish my parents could be more excited for me to pursue/achieve a dream just because it’s important to me as a mother.
My partner’s parents were really excited, and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that he’s their only child and therefore their only route to grandkids. They have been joking about a big pack of grandkids since shortly after our son was born, saying things like “It’s worth investing in a car seat for our car because Reu will use it and maybe you’ll have eight or nine more kids after him!” (ha. ha. ha.). Any time my partner says anything that could be interpreted as a complaint about parenthood, they start in on how he always said he’d wanted siblings himself, and he swore he’d always have “at least three or four kids.” This can be a bit annoying, especially when it feels they’ve set us up for that by asking about teething, toilet-training, sleeping through the night, discipline, weaning - all the difficult things that go hand-in-hand with joyous parts of family life. They want to help us buy/build a new house, and are pushing us to go for a much larger house than we want, saying that “You might have more kids than you think right now, and you’ll want them all to have their own rooms,” which could be true - but we don’t need a five-bedroom house when the plan is to stop at two kids!
I don’t have any advice for you, other than to put this on repeat: “Our family planning is up to us, and not up for discussion. We appreciate all the love you’ve given the four children we do have, and we trust that you have enough love in your heart for another child, if there is to be one.”
It’s not the same as familial acceptance and congratulations, but, obviously the Berries are here for you.
