So, we found out we were having a boy a couple weeks ago, when we were convinced it was a girl and had finally settled on a girl’s name. I knew my husband wasn’t a huge fan of my choice for a boy, but since it’s a name that meant so much to me, I thought I could sway him.
He doesn’t really like it, and said every person he’s met with this name is basically crappy in some way. He apparently spoke with others about it, because when we told a family friend we were having a boy, she said, “You’re not naming him xxxx, are you? [name_f]Every[/name_f] xxxx I’ve ever had has been a complete brat.” ([name_f]My[/name_f] husband and the family friend are both teachers, so apparently have met several little boys named xxxx. I’ve not met a single xxxx, ever.)
So, that pretty much broke my heart. I know the pregnancy hormones are making me overly emotional and unreasonable. But now that DH has taken a step back and seen that my feelings were legitimately hurt by the comments and that the name xxxx (I don’t even feel comfortable telling complete strangers, anymore) actually meant a lot to me, he wants to name our son xxxx, so he can be the FIRST xxxx who doesn’t suck. ?!?!? I just feel like punching him now. And crying. Because xxxx is basically ruined for me, and I don’t know how to get over it. AND I can’t find another name that feels right.
I’m just hoping this will pass, and by the time he’s born, I won’t care what other people think anymore and we’ll have an awesome little xxxx.
Anyone ever dealt with this? And what was the outcome?
Thanks for reminding me why I’m single ;-). It sounds like your husband truly does care…he just didn’t realize how important the name was to you, and he’s on board, at long last, so I’d just wait for the hormones to regulate and see where you’re at…and maybe forgive him. He helped you make the baby, after all!
I actually have! We too convinced ourselves our son was a girl and had a girls name picked out and even called the “belly” this name. I thought we had agreed on a name and when we found out at 33 weeks ( he was born premature) we were having a boy I totally had to go back to the drawing board. Thing is, now I can’t imagine using the name I was stuck on. I can only see our son as the name we picked together after he was born.
What I did that worked was pick 7 names I liked, we then narrowed it down to 3, and finally two and named him a week after he was born. Good luck, I know it stinks-- but you’ll find one you both love.
When we were pregnant with our third child we went out for dinner with the friends that we had just asked to be the Godparents of our unborn baby. When they asked us what names we were considering I listed off the top three choices we were considering and they LAUGHED out loud when I mentioned my top choice and said “you aren’t really serious are you?” I was totally crushed! In the end we chose another name that my husband and I [name_m]BOTH[/name_m] liked and now I can’t imagine my son with any other name.
I understand how you feel, my family is always ruining names I love. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t worry, the anger/sadness you’re feeling will pass, and you will find a name you both love. [name_m]Just[/name_m] let it settle a bit, and then talk it out. Start making a new list, surf the baby naming sites, eventually you will find a name you love more than xxx (which I’m sure is a lovely name). [name_m]Just[/name_m] hang in there!
As frustrating as it is, a child was created by both of you and has to be named by both of you too. It’s really frustrating when one partner is interested in names and knows so much more about them than the other, but the ignorant one still gets an equal say.
In the end, if your husband doesn’t like the name xxxx, I think you need to move on and compromise. Based on what you wrote, my impression is that he doesn’t really like the name (or has bad associations with it), but is afraid to hurt your feelings if he told you that directly. If his dislike of the name is so intense to the point when he’s set on ruining it for you, I think it’s pretty obvious that you shouldn’t name your (yours and his!) child that.
If you shared the name, we might help you fine a name that’s similar in sound or in style.
This happened many times with many names. I tend to be more adventurous and my husband not so much. In the end, it was more important to have a name we both agreed on. I really can’t imagine our kids with different names. Take some time off the search and then try again.
Also, my dad was a teacher and he and a bunch of his teacher friends would talk about how the horror kids all have the same names. So, maybe this is a good thing. Or post another thread on NB with the name and see the feedback.
Best wishes. Your baby is going to be precious no matter what his name!
I feel for you. It’s so frustrating when you can’t get DH on board with a fantastic name!
But I also work with kids for a living, and I can tell you it CAN really warp the way you view baby names. And it’s true, there are just some names that tend to come with a bad reputation. Seriously. For example, I’ve never met an [name_m]Austin[/name_m] that wasn’t trouble. ([name_f]My[/name_f] BFF who is also a teacher agrees wholeheartedly on this.) If my DH had his heart set on naming our son [name_m]Austin[/name_m], it would NOT happen - (apologies to anyone who knows and loves a pleasant [name_m]Austin[/name_m]. I’m sure they’re out there.)
Although your DH’s delivery was all wrong, try to take to heart what he’s trying to tell you. Good luck!
Bah! Everyones being too nice to your hubby!!! [name_f]My[/name_f] DH did that with our DS, i was ready to murder him! I was so in love with the name and he ruined it with his stupid preconceived ideas of it. Stupid man!!! But it came good he loved the second name on our list and I couldn’t imagine our DS as anything else I understand your frustration and sadness!
Seriously trust the teachers… (is the name [name_u]Dylan[/name_u]?) There are some names that just tend to have horrible kids attached to them, im sure you dont want that for your son. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you love the name… if it would turn him into a hellion you dont want that!!
I would say put yourself in his shoes for a bit and imagine that he had his heart set on a name that you had absolutely horrible associations with…would you want to give in and name your kid something that would remind you of a horrible person every time you said it? Probably not. It’s not fair to expect your husband to do that for you. He deserves to love the name just as much as you. Or at the very least to not internally cringe every time it’s said aloud.
I totally feel your pain – hormones are a powerful thing and husbands are … well, men, so they have a totally different take on the whole pregnancy business and, most of the time, on the naming process. Maybe your husband’s attitude is just his (super clumsy and not very elegant) way of coping with his own legitimate anxieties as a father-to-be and of taking an active part in his future son’s life (since you’re doing all the hard work at the moment, mama !)…
At any rate, it might be a good thing to tell him as politely yet as firmly as possible (not easy with the hormones, I know) that your feelings are hurt and that yes, you got his point, XXX is not his favorite name, but that’s not a reason to be mean about it.
I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy four weeks ago (so I’m with you on the hormones!!!) and our naming journey was a little bumpy - at the end of the day we chose the one name for our son that had come up during pregnancy, not before (we both were stuck on names we’d always thought we’d give to our children for ever and that sort of complicated the process)! And now that he’s here, and that he’s very much his perfect little self, I don’t regret going with his name as opposed to “my” favourite name (or my husband’s).
At any rate, I’m sure you’ll find a name you both like and you’ll both be fine, and in the mean time, hang in there : when he’s here, your baby boy will steal your heart, no matter how hard it’s been to name him!
It’s his son too, so as much as you like that name if he can’t stand it it’s not fair to force the issue. Sorry, but he gets an equal say in what his son is named. If I were in the same boat I’d find a way to live with it because say as much as I love a specific name, if my husband thinks it sounds horrendous then I can’t change that, we’ll move on to something else.
Thanks, everyone. Today I felt much better about everything and not so crazy. I really just needed to tell this to a crowd of people who weren’t going to laugh at me for my hormone-induced tears. DH did that last night (not being mean, but not being able to help himself, because I know I was ridiculously and unreasonably upset) and then tried to hug me, which definitely didn’t make it better.
For the record, this is son #2. Our first is actually named after my DH and my DH’s grandfather. And while I wasn’t in [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] with the name, I agreed with it because of the family connection, added the middle name, and it fits perfectly. So DH has known about my chosen name for years at this point, and had never expressed anything really negative, mostly just that it was “eh.” When I compromised on the girls name we had chosen (with a first name we both like, and a middle name I’m not really fond of but he loves), and had agreed with naming our oldest after DH, I expected that for this boy, I’d get the first name I love (which previously he only said “eh” to) and let him go crazy with middle names. It hasn’t quite turned out that way, obviously. So I’m going to take the advice of one you guys and leave it be for several weeks. Maybe when I begin the name search again, I’ll come across something we both love? Fingers crossed. Although I’m still pretty heartbroken that I’m not going to have a little [name_m]Ian[/name_m]…