DH wishes I was pregnant?

Parentberries
1

[name_m]Hi[/name_m] everyone,

My DH and I recently went through a pregnancy scare. A little intro - My DH and I are currently WTT and have a TTC date of [name_f]October[/name_f] 2016. We have quite a few things we’d like to accomplish before trying. We recently moved in with my parents to save up for a home. So, first on our to-do list is buy a home. My DH also would like to get a better job and I’d possibly like to get a new job, as well.

Anyways, back to the pregnancy scare. My last cycle lasted 39 days, which is highly unusual for me. I began to think we may be pregnant. I was having A LOT of symptoms. Examples - Hungry all the time, spotting, mild cramping, fatigue, and peeing more often. So, I asked my DH to grab a pregnancy test while at the grocery over the weekend. He seemed really chill about it. He usually is when we have a pregnancy scare. He always seems to be the one that believes I’m not pregnant and probably thinks I’m freaking out a bit too much. He normally calms me down and says it’ll be okay whatever the outcome is. Well, he did the same thing this time, so I just assumed he believed I wasn’t pregnant and we were going to simply take the test to put my mind at ease. Well, I was wrong.

After I peed on the stick, my DH asked me how long we had to wait to check. I said 3 minutes. I was super nervous about checking it, so we waited more like 5 minutes while I occupied myself with things like letting the dogs out and fixing dinner. As this was happening, my DH kept asking if we could check it yet. Almost as if he were excited about it. Finally I told him to check it first. So, he grabbed it with a smile on his face and that smile went from an excited smile to a disappointed smile. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you know the difference? It was almost like he was forcing himself to continue to smile for my sake. He showed me the test and it said “Not Pregnant.” I definitely let a sight of relief. [name_m]Just[/name_m] because I feel we aren’t in the right position yet. But he was so disappointed. I could feel it in his attitude. I was honestly shocked by his reaction.

Later that evening I asked him more about how he was feeling. More specifically, I asked him what he was thinking when I asked him to pick up a test. He said he was mostly excited and 90% of him was wishing I was pregnant. I asked him why 10% was wishing I wasn’t and he said because we live with your parents. Fair enough. But I felt bad. I really had no idea he was THAT ready to be a father. He told me while he was on his way to the store to get a test, he kept thinking about the relationship he had with his dad. Which is a terrible one. His dad is a horrible person. And he thought about how different he would be and how he couldn’t wait to show his child what a good father is like. I was beginning to feel disappointed and sad for him. I asked him what we would be doing right now if that test was positive. He said he was wanting to fix me a nice dinner to celebrate and that he was going to suggest we tell our parents on Mother’s [name_u]Day[/name_u]. I thought that was sweet… and was surprised that he had already thought of all this. Clearly, he was excited and wishing I was pregnant.

Anyways, it’s kind of made me second guess our TTC date. I always thought I was the one more ready than him, but I think it’s the opposite. I’m thinking maybe we should TTC as soon as we have our own place. I’m not sure. I was just totally not expecting for my DH to feel this way about this pregnancy scare and it has me a bit confused as to what we want to do.

Anyone else ever go through anything like this? Have you ever had a pregnancy scare and you OR your s/o was extremely disappointed? Have you ever moved up your TTC date?

As always, thanks for listening.

2

It’s sweet that your husband is so excited about the notion of being a dad, but I understand that feeling like you’re on a different schedule can make you second guess your decision to wait. I know it’s a cliche, but I really believe there is never a perfect time to get pregnant. [name_m]Case[/name_m] in point, my husband and I waited until I was finished school and we had bought a house before trying to conceive (we previously lived in a small apartment), and we were lucky to only have to wait two months before I became pregnant. However, waiting meant that I will be 32 when our son is born (he’s due this [name_f]April[/name_f]!), and my husband will be 35. Not old by any reckoning, but certainly older than we would have liked for starting a family. Getting pregnant can be a long journey, and it could have taken much longer to conceive; if it had, we very well might have wished we had started earlier, when our housing and financial situation was less than ideal.

If you’re reconsidering your TTC start date, talk with your husband and see how he feels. Prioritize your list of “before conception” accomplishments, and discuss how crucial it is to have each done before TTC. Depending on what the housing market is like in your area, you may consider TTC before you start house shopping, or while you are in the process; if there are lots of good options to choose from, 9+months is plenty of time to find a place without feeling a ton of pressure. Regarding a new job, keep in mind that if you plan to take advantage of maternity leave benefits, how long you have been at your job before you need to take time off can effect your eligibility.

Good luck in your baby journey!

3

It’s okay to be excited, but given your circumstances, I would wait until you at least had your own place. Having a baby while living with your parents would not be very fun for them or for you. I also agree with lowslash on the new job thing. You might have to work awhile before you get all the benefits of time off. Not just for maternity leave, but paternity as well if your husband is looking for a new job also.

For us, we had a plan, but we started trying sooner because well, we accomplished everything on our list sooner than I had thought (besides traveling the world, but that can happen in the future). I am glad we started sooner now that I know I have PCOS cause it could take us a bit longer than the average couple to conceive.

My husband was always more ready than me, but I’m the planner, the prepared one, I like to be ready or at least feel ready (since everyone says you can never really be ready for a baby).

4

We are TTC and it’s looking more and more that this month won’t be “it” for us. There’s also been a time before when I was a month late, but each test was negative and it was likely just messed up because I was of stress. So yeah, we’ve been disappointed and might face it again this time. It’s different now that we are actually trying, because it’s something we want so badly and are actively trying to bring about. We are really looking forward to it, but we just try to look at it as us being given a little more time to maybe save up more or something along those lines. We actually did end up moving up our TTC date. We were going to try later this year, or the year after. [name_m]Even[/name_m] now, it’s not ideal for us to have a baby, by many people’s opinions. Yet…we both work, have a good-sized apartment, have insurance, own our own vehicles (no payments), have savings, manage our money, and a stable relationship. But people think that because we are still in college and don’t have uber-wonderful jobs (like a CEO or something) and don’t own our own house yet that we are unfit. We decided to ignore them and live our own lives.

For your situation, though, I think that you should sit down and have a talk about what moving up the date could end up looking like for you. Having a baby, especially while living with your parents, would affect everything in a big way. Not necessarily a bad way, but in some way without a doubt. Your parents have allowed two people back into their home…can they handle a third? Is there room? Are there decent day cares nearby? Would you have to ask your parents to take on caretaker roles while you work? Are there job opportunities in the area? And so on. I fully understand the emotional aspect of wanting to get to a situation quickly, but you have to weigh the scales here. Maybe you can use this time to actually get those jobs (or at least begin the search), search housing options/decide a location and price range, figure out insurance stuff, get healthy, and so on. [name_m]Just[/name_m] some suggestions :slight_smile: good luck, whatever you choose.

5

That is so true. And you’re basically repeating everything my husband said to me. He talked about there not ever being a perfect time and said, “we’re not getting any younger.” Not that we older either. He’s turning 27 this month and I turn 27 in [name_u]August[/name_u]. I totally agree about there never being a perfect time.

Good point about the new job, as well. The plan is (hopefully) I’ll be quitting my job when baby comes and my husband will support us. But this is not for sure. I have a part-time job now and also run a photography business. Our ultimate goal would be for my DH to get a decent paying job, I might get a full-time job for the time being just to save up and bring in some more money, and by the time we were to have a baby my photography business would be fairly consistent and I could quite my part-time job or new full-time job. Who knows though.

I definitely think it’s a conversation I’ll have to talk over with my DH. I feel like there’s so much to consider and it can be overwhelming!

Congrats on your son! Any names picked out yet? :slight_smile:

6

I totally agree. I definitely do not want to be having a baby while living here. But even if we were to get pregnant tomorrow, we would still be out of my parents house before the baby is born. Our plan is to have a home by Fall.

The job thing and paternity leave is a good point. We will definitely have to keep this in mind and make sure DH asks about this when talking to potential new employers.

I’m the same way… I’m definitely the planner. But when it comes to baby talk… I definitely bring it up more often than my DH. Hints why I always thought I was more ready than him lol

7

Sounds like you two are in a great situation to have a baby, [name_f]IMO[/name_f]! :slight_smile: I’m still in college, too. And my DH is going to go back for his masters this coming fall. I wish you both luck and sending you good vibes!

As for the living with the parents. I guess I should have made clear in my original post that regardless of if we got pregnant tomorrow or in [name_f]October[/name_f] (our original TTC date), we will be in our own place by the time a baby is born. We moved in with my parents last fall and have always planned to be out no later than this fall. So, I guess all that won’t be an issue regardless. I’m more concerned about going through pregnancy here. I think I’d prefer to have more privacy and be able to go through pregnancy with my DH in a more private way.

My DH has been searching for jobs like a mad man! I was job searching, but we’ve been talking to a mortgage lender and realtor and I don’t think I’ll be on the mortgage, so I’ve held off on being so concerned about my income. [name_m]Just[/name_m] trying to figure out what I want to do and if changing jobs would be a good move for me or not. We’re really hoping to buy a home this [name_f]Spring[/name_f]/[name_f]Summer[/name_f]. If we don’t and buying a home ends up not being in our near future, then we’ll likely go back to renting. Nothing is for sure at this point I guess.

Thank you so much for your advice!

8

Thanks :slight_smile: and oh, I got the impression you just recently moved back in with your parents. I was thinking that a few months (assuming you were to get pregnant right away and search during that time) was going to hard in which to find a house. It’s good you have that move-out time period! That sort of gives more of a standard to go by. Like if you decide, “well, we have a couple months left living with mom and dad, so maybe we could try now so we could be well-settled by the time the baby is born”.

In all, it’s really up to you two to decide. I don’t think there is any a perfect time to have a baby. I mean, someone could always make more money, or issues could always arise, or life changes can always happen. I have a relative that wanted to wait until she was out of college, was in a secure job for a certain amount of time, had a certain amount of savings, and so on…she had it all, really. Turns out, she couldn’t get pregnant. She tried for years and ended up going through menopause a bit early, so no babies at all. She regrets it because she was chasing everything “proper” and didn’t find out about her infertility until it was too late. That’s just her story, but that and her advice really helped me put things in perspective.

9

Aw, that’s really sweet that your husband got so excited! It sounds like you are having a lot of pregnancy scares, though? If you do want to wait to ttc, I’d definitely recommend reliable birth control if you’re not using it (I was totally paranoid about unplanned pregnancy even using bc, so I do get if this is your situation.)

I don’t think it’s terrible to be living with your folks when having a baby, if they would be happy with that. It of course depends on your parents. I would [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] to live with my husband’s parents, now that we have a 4 year old and a 4 month old. Extra adults would be amazing to have around!

The other thing is when you are job searching, check into the maternity/paternity leave situation. My husband’s office is too small to be required to give FMLA. Seriously, I think if they hired one more person, they would have to give it. But they don’t. So he only got 2 weeks off and it was hard getting that. You also have to put in a certain number of hours before you qualify for FMLA, so right before ttc might not be the best time to switch jobs.

10

Yes, totally! I think I may talk to my DH about moving up our date to sometime this summer. I’m thinking [name_u]August[/name_u] or [name_f]September[/name_f] would be good. Maybe even [name_u]July[/name_u] (our anniversary month!).

Also, I’m so glad you shared this story about your cousin. My mom went through menopause in her 30’s, so this is definitely something I think about. We would be devastated if we couldn’t have kids… As I’m sure anyone who wants kids and can’t is. I know it’s smart to finish school, make fair money, have a steady home, etc… But when you think about it, a woman’s body was made to have children at a very young age. Times have changed quicker than our bodies. I’m sure it’s becoming easier and easier for women to have babies later in life, but it really wasn’t long ago that women were getting married and having multiple children by the time they were 25. So, it’s definitely something I think about. Sorry I just went into a long speal lol.

11

I’m a super paranoid type of person! The last big pregnancy scare we had was about a year ago. I’ve been off hormonal bc for awhile because I wanted my body to adjust before TTC. But we do use condoms every time. So I think I’m just paranoid and my period isn’t very regular.

It seems like you’re bringing up the same points as PP’s. Definitely good tips! We wouldn’t actually have the baby while living with my parents. If we were to get pregnant tomorrow, we’d only be going through partial pregnancy while living here. Whether we TTC now or later, we still plan to be out of my parents by this fall. But I can totally see how having the extra help would be nice. I wouldn’t hate having my mom around to teach me a thing or two. Actually, she’s mentioned to me before that when I was born, her parents lived with her and my dad. She always talks about how it was kind of perfect having them there to help with their first child. And the paternity leave is a good point. I have never thought about this! I’ll definitely have to talk to my DH about this and make sure this is something he asks when job searching.

12

Thanks! I can’t believe how close we are to meeting him :slight_smile: We’re leaning towards [name_m]Arthur[/name_m], but we’re maintaining a shortlist in case it doesn’t quite feel right when he arrives.

13

There really is no perfect time or situation. Listen to your heart.

14

[name_u]Love[/name_u] that name! Be sure to keep us updated :slight_smile:

15

Very, very true.

16

Well, I talked to my DH last night and I think we’ve come to the conclusion that we’ll try shortly after we move into our own place… Which will hopefully be this summer. Our original TTC date was going to be [name_f]October[/name_f], because we assumed we’d definitely be in our own place by then and it would be kind of cool to possibly have a baby in [name_u]July[/name_u], which is the month we got married.

DH would prefer to have a different job before we start trying, but he’s not opposed to trying before then. And I’ve decided that I’m not either. I did talk to him about the whole paternity leave thing. So, when he is job searching, he’s going to be sure to ask about that and make sure he would be able to get some kind of paternity leave.

I don’t really love not having an exact month we are going to try, but since we really aren’t sure when we’ll be moving, it’s kind of hard telling. I’m just going to guess it’ll be around [name_u]August[/name_u].

Either way, I’m really glad we discussed it more and are now completely on the same page! :slight_smile: Thanks for all your words of wisdom!

18

Wow, you guys really did go through tough times, but it’s amazing the positive outlook you have on it. Very inspiring story. And I definitely agree… we both feel ready and because of that, I don’t think we are going to wait much longer. We moved up our [name_f]October[/name_f] TTC to sometime this summer.