tl;dr
My husband and I are having some conflict over baby boys name because DH insists we use [name_m]Charles[/name_m] as his name. [name_m]Charles[/name_m] is a family name that he says “the first born boy from a man has to be named [name_m]Charles[/name_m]” This is all so confusing to me because DH has a cousin (who is male) who had a son and didn’t name him [name_m]Charles[/name_m]. SO for reference, DH uncle’s name is [name_m]Charles[/name_m], and DH dad’s name is not [name_m]Charles[/name_m]. (OMG, I am confusing myself with this whole mess) Anyway, this just seems like a strange way to pass down a name and frankly, its confusing.
long story short, I don’t want to name my son [name_m]Charles[/name_m] because my dogs name is [name_u]Charlie[/name_u] (I had him before I met DH) and I feel like if I cam carrying the baby for 9 months I should be able to name him what ever I want!
So did anyone not follow family tradition and name their kid what they wanted?
No offence, but that sounds like a pretty… lame… tradition. And if your husband’s cousin didn’t follow it, why should you? I also think that you should be able to name him what you want; stick to your guns. If he insists, maybe [name_m]Charles[/name_m] (or a variation of [name_m]Charles[/name_m]) could be the middle name.
Then again, you already have a baby called [name_u]Charlie[/name_u] (he counts too!), so he should respect that
Edit: Right, I forgot to mention that I had to make a compromise with my SO. He’s a jr (all men in his family are given the same first name), and his family naturally wants us to name a future son the same. I said very early that there was no way I was using the same name; it’s just way too much confusion. However, I compromised with SO and told him I was willing to use his middle name on a future son (or the female equivalent on a daughter), and we’re both very satisfied with that solution, thankfully. That name is also a family name, but way less used.
I personally love traditions. I want to use family names but I don’t think it’ll work out for us. My [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and [name_m]SIL[/name_m]‘s middle name is [name_u]Kay[/name_u], so we’ve decided to use the Chinese equivalent [name_u]Kai[/name_u] as part of our child’s Chinese name. On the boys’ side DH’s mn is his dad’s fn, his dad’s mn is his dad’s fn, and so on. We haven’t come up with a creative way to keep this tradition alive, but I think we’ll try.
However, I would draw the line at naming my child a name my dog already has. Would your husband be willing to use [name_u]Charlie[/name_u] as a mn?
I read your post a couple of times, and I think I understand.
Is the tradition meant to be that the first-born son OF THE FIRST [name_m]BORN[/name_m] son, be named [name_m]Charles[/name_m]? Let me clarify…
I am assuming your DH is not the first born son- does he have an older brother? If so, is that brothers name [name_m]Charles[/name_m], and did that older brother name his son [name_m]Charles[/name_m] (your DH’s nephew perhaps)? If so, then that Nephew should name his firstborn son [name_m]Charles[/name_m] and so on and so forth.
You mentioned your DH’s uncle’s name was [name_m]Charles[/name_m] but that his father’s name was not. So, is that Uncle the older brother of your DH’s Father, (and also the firstborn son)? If so, the tradition makes sense, and it is not just the first born son of a male, but the first born son of the first born son, which means in your case, the tradition need not be adhered to!
Yes, we are the only family on my husband’s side without immediate family repeat names.
My husband was totally fine with not naming our son after him, though a little more disappointed to not name a son after his own father.
For me it was just a dislike of repeated names among anyone who sees each other regularly. [name_f]Pet[/name_f] name would also be a deal breaker for me!
The extent of tradition that I can handle in baby naming is passing on the father’s first name in a middle slot. I find this tradition endearing, but it’s not something that has to be followed. For instance, my husband’s dad’s first name is [name_u]Michael[/name_u], so that is my husband’s middle name. My husband’s first name is [name_m]Phillip[/name_m], so that will be our son’s middle name. (It helps that I have LOVED the name [name_m]Philip[/name_m] since long before I met my husband, so it wasn’t like it was twisting my arm to use [name_m]Phillip[/name_m] on my son.) But I feel like that is what the middle name slot is perfect for - honoring someone or a tradition in your family. The first name slot should be the kid’s own name, I believe. Let the kid assume his own identity, not the one forced upon him by a tradition.
At no point would I let anyone- even my husband - tell me what I had to name the kid I was carrying.
I feel like in your case that “tradition” of naming the first son [name_m]Charles[/name_m] would, like royal lineage, defer to his older brother’s son. Your husband was not named [name_m]Charles[/name_m]. Your husband was not the first son. It seems weird for your husband to jump in and now demand to use [name_m]Charles[/name_m] on his first son. That feels like it should be his brother’s place (if we are actually operating under the idea that someone can be forced by tradition to use a name they don’t want to, which is still ridiculous.)
And the whole thing is further complicated by the fact that you presently have a dog named [name_u]Charlie[/name_u]. I wouldn’t let it happen. [name_m]Charles[/name_m] can be a middle name, that’s what I would tell him.
I never understood how one family’s tradition trumps another persons desire and right to have a say in the child’s name. Like…why does his family get to name your child but you should have no say in it? My husbands family is big on tradition and I’m not. DH is a [name_m]Jr[/name_m]. and when babies are brought up I firmly told him our child will not be a “III” and we will find a name together that we both love (which thankfully, we have and he is totally understanding on why I don’t want a III). While I don’t think you get exclusive naming rights just because you’re the mother, you absolutely have a say in it. You and the childs father should come to an agreement on a name you both love. Maybe [name_m]Charles[/name_m] in the middle? When you two came together to start your own family that gives you the opportunity to start new traditions as he has to incorporate your family as well as his. If you don’t love [name_m]Charles[/name_m] as a name, don’t use it. Keep looking until something perfect comes along for both of you
You are the one who is going to carry that baby for 9 months and going to labour. If you don’t like the name, don’t use it! Traditions are to be broken!
In one of my friends family the tradition was to name the first male “[name_m]Macario[/name_m]”, but his parents decided to use that name only as a second name. If you are not sure about giving up on [name_m]Charles[/name_m], think about using it as a second name.
My SO’s family has “traditions”. The first name is one person in the family’s name and the middle name is another person in the family’s name…for the most part. Example: one person (male) has their fathers first name as their first name and their uncles middle name as their middle name. I explained to my SO when I found out I was pregnant “we aren’t naming the baby after anyone”. Sometimes, you have to go with what u want. We have to call ppl by their first and middle names to know who we are talking abt. There’s also “baby so-in-so”. It’s too much to think abt!
Also, as the meaning of [name_m]Charles[/name_m] is “man,” would another name w/the same meaning work? [name_m]Andrew[/name_m] means “strong & manly,” & there are tons of variants of [name_m]Andrew[/name_m] that might be appealing.
I have to bring up what a previous poster said which is that it seems from your descriptions that your husband, since he is not the first born son of his father, is not expected to name his son [name_m]Charles[/name_m]. But if we are not understanding it correctly, I agree that you deserve some say. Ideally, you both will be happy with the chosen name, whether it honors family or not.
My husband comes from a long line of fathers and sons with the same first name (not [name_m]Jr[/name_m].). I like his name but was not keen on using it again as a first and suggested the middle spot. However my husband said he has had enough and would prefer to pass down his middle name (from a special friend of his family) in the middle spot as well. If we have a son we won’t discuss the name in advance with his family. They will get over not using the first name and be happy with the middle name instead.
I totally get where you are coming from, it’s not like your husband is a junior as his father is not a [name_m]Charles[/name_m]. If you really don’t want your child be to called [name_m]Charles[/name_m] maybe you and your husband can come to some compromise like using it as a middle name or something similar.
I’m confused about why your husband thinks he needs to name this baby [name_m]Charles[/name_m]–this baby is not the first born of a first born, so how come he is trying to saddle you and baby with this name? I’m sure he has a reason, but hopefully, he will be reasonable enough to understand that your opinion, as the carrier of this baby, should be considered first. I understand that he has rights as the father, but he’s not going through pregnancy and childbirth, and if you are breastfeeding, he’s not doing that either. I really do believe you should get consideration for that. My ex husband did not allow me a say in my daughters name, and I have always regretted not standing up for myself. I will be naming the little ones I now carry, believe me.
It depends on the situation, but since you already have a dog named [name_u]Charlie[/name_u].
In my family, the firstborn son names his firstborn son [name_m]Eric[/name_m]/[name_m]Erik[/name_m]. But my oldest uncle and his wife don’t have any children, so that tradition kind of died…
