I am 27 and have been TTC for a year with no luck. My doctor assures me this isn’t abnormal and that I shouldn’t start screaming “infertility” if I want insurance to continue to pay for my services. I’ve never had irregular periods and my husband and I have no history of infertility on either side of our families.
The bottom line is, we’re both done with school and well into our careers. We are ready to be parents. Our younger siblings have 4 children between them. My best friend has also had a child. I have really enjoyed all the baby-frenzy the last couple years, but I must confess, it is starting to wear on me.
Some days I feel fine, like we still have plenty of time and it will all work out in the end. Other days I feel an awful sense of dread like time is running out and like I’m missing out on a huge part of life. My fears were not helped by my gyno’s latest comment that 28 is the new 30 in terms of advanced maternal age, (according to emerging research.)
Has anyone else dealt with this? I’m really not an envious person and am not feeling left out… I’m just feeling a sadness that I don’t have a child yet. And it is getting more difficult to join in on the new-baby festivities that are all around me without feeling grief. Also, I’ve started getting the, “so what’s going on? Why don’t you have kids yet?” from extended family, which is also difficult.
I guess I’m just looking for some words of wisdom or encouragement. Feeling low at this point. Please comment if you have any insight!
Hello Tintri… first, know that you’re not alone!!! I’m pregnant now, but we were TTC for 2.5 years and watching all my (younger) friends (& their younger siblings) get pregnant & give birth before me was hard. Like you, I didn’t really feel jealous, just sad & wondering why it wasn’t happening for us. Like you, we didn’t have any history of infertility in the family. We actually had fertility investigation tests done and were told we were fine. Family and friends started giving advice -use this, use that etc. frustrating when it didn’t work! The most frustrating advice of all time -given by my mother & one cousin -was to relax. But, one good side “effect” of the whole situation was that I heard many many stories of friends who had been in a similar situation or were going through the same thing (one couple is still TTC). Again, a common theme throughout all the stories was to “relax” -one couple were trying for 5 years (when I heard that I thought: “I don’t have 5 years!” -I’m 36) and they finally gave up and decided that it was okay to be childless -and then found out she was pregnant (now they have 4 boys). Another couple were trying for 10 years (they got married quite young and had complications) and gave up. They adopted two boys and then, surprise! she was pregnant. Now they have 3 boys and a baby girl.
For us, we finally had an initial meeting with a fertility doctor, who told me that I had to call him the first day of my next period. After our meeting, there was the crazy frenzy of [name]Christmas[/name] at our house, and then a relaxing week & a half with just me and DH… All through [name]January[/name] I was waiting for the first day of my period so I could call the [name]Doc[/name]. At the end of [name]January[/name] I still hadn’t called the doctor and was wondering why not. Finally DH suggested a pregnancy test and it was positive!!! So… in the end, relaxation &/or getting my focus away from TTC (and also much, much, much prayer on my part & that of family & friends) was what worked.
[name]Don[/name]'t be afraid to tell people your story and your frustrations -it will end their questions of “what are you waiting for” -you might get some looks of pity but in my experience, there were many more understanding friends and lots of similar stories. I hope you will find what works for you & be able to relax and enjoy the time with your partner.
[name]Patience[/name]! It’ll happen when it’s s’pose to happen. It took us 3yrs to get our 2nd & it didn’t happen 'til after we quit trying. Best words of wisdom I can say is, “[name]Don[/name]'t try to get pregnant, just have fun!”
tintri- I am on IVF because I am old and had my tubes tied.LOL! BUT I have met heaps of women as young as 23 who have had various fertility issues and then ended up on IVF. I STRONGLY urge you to seek advice from a fertility specialist. The first step would be to undertake a range of tests (both of you) and then based on that the specialist will advise you.
[name]Worth[/name] noting: poor vitamin/mineral levels can drastically impact fertility- eg very low Vitamin D can virtually leave you infertile unless you improve your levels. I recommend a good pre conception vitamin regime (check it includes folate, [name]Vit[/name] E, D, C, COQ10, zinc and selenium).
Excess weight can impact fertility- if you need to lose some weight perhaps it’s time to make a loss plan?
Other medical issues can also impact- eg thyroid imbalance so it is crucial to rule things like this out.
After a year I would seriously get onto this ASAP- because best news is that there are no concerns BUT if there are underlying issues the sooner you get medical support /intervention the closer you may be to your dream.
I don’t mean to distress you or suggest you may have a problem (I really hope you don’t), I just know from talking to other women that the sooner you find out where you stand with your fertility the sooner your dream can start.
Best of luck, fingers crossed we will both conceive soon!
I am with emilliaj 100% - seek advice from a fertility specialist. All of that “relax, don’t stress, it will happen when you stop trying” advice is only good advice if there is not a medical reason prohibiting conception. It also puts the onus on you - like you have all of the control over whether or not you can get pregnant or if you stopped thinking about it, you’d just get pregnant! I really support and urge women who feel like maybe something isn’t right to get checked out - you know your body better than anyone else. If everything is okay, great, if not, you can deal with that but, by holding off on seeking help, it can potentially lead to regrets down the track along the lines of, “Why didn’t we ask about this sooner?” Infertility issues can be a quick fix or they can be just the start of a lengthy process - better to know what you are (or, hopefully!) are not dealing with! Good luck!
I’ve met a LOT of women online who tried for over a year and for various reasons all did eventually became pregnant, so don’t give up! I know it’s easier said than done, and it must be hard on you. Has your doctor done any tests on you? Has your DH had his sperm counted? They say if you do not conceive after one year you should get tested just to rule out fertility issues. I agree about doing it now so if nothing is wrong you know it’s just a matter of time, if something is it can be a quick fix or maybe the start to more work but at least you started now rather than later and won’t regret it. What are your TTC methods? Are you taking anything, charting, testing etc… Some women doing all that works for them, others it does just the opposite… so maybe try doing the opposite of whatever you’re doing.
Thank you so much everyone for your kind words and thoughts. We will probably keep trying the old-fashioned way for a few more months before looking into infertility, but we definitely won’t rule that option out. I appreciate your support at a time that’s difficult. Thank you nameberries!
[name]One[/name] thing my OB told me, since I have a tilted uterus, after having sex, prop my butt up in the air so that gravity can help the sperm get to the egg. So just hang out for awhile after sex. Good luck!
I found charting a good way to reassure myself that we were really trying at the best times - was more confident going in for a referral to a fertility specialist understanding my cycles really well. I use fertility friend but i am sure there are lots of good & easy to use sites for on-line charting out there!
Tintri! I feel like we are sisters from another mister! Another SLP, same age who is dealing with difficulty TTC?!? Crazy coincidence - no? My hubby and I have been trying for two years and a few months as I write this. My only bit of advice, as I have a feeling I am only just beginning this journey to motherhood is to push for the tests to be done and get in to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. All the business about “waiting and decreasing stress” in my opinion is a bunch of “malarkey” so to speak. You are technically deemed “infertile” after one year of trying without success. I went in for my annual appointment with my old OB/GYN last [name]June[/name] and told her that we had been trying without success, I had been having slightly irregular periods, and was most concerned with my thinning hair. However, I am thin, workout and eat right. Based on those symptoms and others, she explained that I may have a mild form of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (or PCOS). I had never heard of it before, so I bought books and started reading research articles … my oh my did endocrine disorder sound like me.
Since that time, my darling hubby was accepted into graduate school and we had to relocate to New [name]Haven[/name], CT - all the way from San [name]Diego[/name]. I had not been formally diagnosed at this point, but, I found a new doctor and had my records faxed. This woman was completely dismissive of everything I had told her. She explained that there was “no way I had PCOS since I wasn’t obese and didn’t have a thick beard.” (and I quote …). My husband had a semen analysis done, which showed good quantity and motility, but some of his sperm was “immature.” So, with that and my incessant complaining … my OB/GYN referred my to a RE. Our appointment is in the end of [name]August[/name] and I couldn’t be happier … at that point it will be 2.5 years of trying with no success.
I hope you have more success and are able to see someone who knows fertility! Best of luck to you!!!
I wanted to second (third) starting to chart your waking temperature and your cervical fluid (and cervical position if you’re up for it). I’ve charted for eight years now (used it mostly to avoid pregnancy) and it has always been very clear when I’ve ovulated each month. And it’s really helpful when TTC because you know if you had a temperature rise that ovulation has occurred so you’re not taking lots of pregnancy tests too early if you ovulated late, for example. And it helps you know if you even had sex that month close enough to ovulation to have a chance. It’s really helpful information to have and I can’t recommend charting enough. If you haven’t seen it yet, the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility is where you can learn how to chart.
eliza9, hello! Well, that is a very weird coincidence! I am definitely going to be looking into options very soon. I had a friend who had PCOS and it took her 5 years to conceive! I’m glad it sounds like that is not your issue. (She was obese and very possibly had a beard…)
I guess the thing that has got me through a lot of this is having a job where I can go and work around children! I don’t know what population you work with, but it is nice to get to be around kids all day. It helps in some way. Also, it’s nice not to have to be stressing about work! (Since I love my job!) Haha!
Well, I will have to friend you on here, (if I can figure out how to do that.) We should keep in touch and keep undated on progress. Best of luck to you!
Thanks everyone, for all the continued advice and support! I was actually given a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility and really need to suck it up and read it. (But it’s huge!) Also, I have tried charting a few times, but I’m horrible at remembering to take my temp in the morning first thing. So I guess I need to buckle down on that… Anyway, thanks all!
I haven’t experienced infertility, so I can’t advise you on that, but I will say that this comment by your OB/GYN has me seeing red. 28 is [name]AMA[/name] now? Are you freaking kidding me? I’m 38 and 7 months along, so I guess I’m basically a pregnant dinosaur!
I can’t believe it - I feel almost like you’re telling my story!! I’m 28, and my husband and I have been ttc for almost a year and 3 months now. We are both healthy, not overweight, and have no family history of infertility. I have had some issues with irregular periods for years, but have been taking progesterone to balance out my hormones, and that has helped tremendously. [name]Just[/name] in the last couple of months we went to my OBGYN to see what she could do for us. She had us do a bunch of testing - SA for hubby, lab work, hysterosalpingagram (no idea how to spell that lol) to check for blockages in my tubes, and more lab work for me - and didn’t find anything. Ended up having a transvaginal ultrasound and they found some cysts, so my doctor told me I have pcos - even though I don’t really show most of the signs of it. She also told me that I’m probably not ovulating every month, so she suggested I tke Clomid. I took it last cycle, and now this month AF is two weeks late, but all the pregnancy tests are giving me a negative. So frustrating!! I totally understand the ups and down of ttc! Also understand how you feel excited for friends and family who are having babies, but at the same time it makes you feel sad that you haven’t been able to experience that yet. I love kids, and like you, I feel it kind of helps to be around them (I’m a part-time nanny). Kids always cheer me up, and take my mind off of my own problems. Children are such a blessing from the [name]Lord[/name], and I’m trusting that He has them in my future! Keep on, and know that you’re not alone!!
Good luck!
So frustrating!! I totally understand the ups and down of ttc! Also understand how you feel excited for friends and family who are having babies, but at the same time it makes you feel sad that you haven’t been able to experience that yet. I love kids, and like you, I feel it kind of helps to be around them (I’m a part-time nanny). Kids always cheer me up, and take my mind off of my own problems. Children are such a blessing from the [name]Lord[/name], and I’m trusting that He has them in my future! Keep on, and know that you’re not alone!!