Discipline is a big deal in my house. My husband and i do not want unruly, rude and disrespectful children, so we crack down on them hard so that they understand that they are not in charge and so that they know how to live with other people. All our kids are really good at obeying for the most part, all of them, that is, but one. Dear little 5 year old [name]Shephard[/name] has a mind of his own and loves to do what he wants to do. He is in afternoon Kindergarten and his teachers have come to us multiple times telling us that [name]Shephard[/name] doesn’t listen to the rules and, although he is not a bad kid or mean to the teachers of the other kids, he just doesn’t listen and when they tell him to do something he pretends that he cannot hear them. My husband and I have tried everything we can to punish [name]Shephard[/name] and teach him that he must listen to those in authority over him. We’ve tried spanking, time outs, groundings ( like not letting him play with his cars for the day or not letting him watch his earned TV time), we’ve kept him home from special events, made him eat beans ( the food that he cannot stand!) along with his other food for every meal. Nothing we do has worked. I’m at my wits end with my little bugger and i need help!
Why would you force him to eat something he doesn’t like as punishment? That seems a little but cruel to me. I don’t agree with spanking either but each to their own.
My only advice is to be consistent. If he knows he’s going to be put on time out every time he misbehaves, he’ll be more motivated to be good. Consistency is the key!
You might explore the possibilty of learning/cognitive difficulties. He may be a bit young to fully appreciate his learning style, but behavior difficulties often co-occur with learning problems, particularly when youngsters are not receiving the best fit for their abilities in school.
Good luck,
Lynae
Well, I personally don’t believe in making a child eat foods for a punishment. The food / food in general may start being associated with bad, in which it isn’t. Though, it was pretty effective when my mother put tobasco sauce on my tongue when I was young for saying bad words. [to be completely honest, I cannot eat tobasco sauce or any many kinds of spicy things partially from the association. But its not really a big deal to me]
I personally think consistency is all you can do. And make sure each punishment fits the crime! 
Like when my cousin starts acting out on his video games, the video games are taken away for the rest of the day. So then he knows that that behavior is not okay when playing video games, and there will be no playing those video games if he acts that way. I’m not sure exactly what he does, but if he just doesn’t want to stop coloring so he wont listen, then I would take the coloring book away for a little while. Or if he wont come when he is called, maybe standing him in the corner for five minutes might help? It may, it may not.
But I agree with the above poster. Maybe there is a learning / cognitive difficulty? You could try sending him to the doctors to have him checked out. Honestly, I think its better to send him in and come back with a no, just to rule out the issue, then to strain yourself when it could be not entirely his fault.
Good luck, and hope this helps!
This is tricky. No matter how many you have they are all different and all need a different approach! He is still very little really at 5 and there is a new baby in the house which can make even the ‘best’ kid need a little extra work.
I would agree with the above re consistency but also try and double up on the love and time as well. For example if he is not playing nicely with his sibling then you could say ‘come and sit in here on the floor near me for 5 minutes’ so that he is being punished (missing the game) but also getting some extra time with you (still boring though not a reward) but once the time is up then you have him close enough for a chat or to redirect him into something usefull like emptying the bin or doing a little job that makes him feel special and like he is helping you.
5 is hard from their point of view - not big enough to do the fun stuff but also not small enough to be the baby, wanting kisses and hugs but wanting to be grown up as well. My oldest needed a lot of extra love at 5.
From you posts it seems that you have a lot going on at your place at the moment and it is normal for one child to be the lightning rod in a difficult situation. [name]Do[/name] you think that some extra help for the whole family might help this little one as well?
I came across this post and it made me feel really sad. You say that you “have tried everything we can to punish [name]Shephard[/name] and teach him that he must listen to those in authority over him.” [name]How[/name] does that sound to you, reading it back? I know you love your son and are trying to help him, but your approach does not sound very loving to me. You’re having to come up with more and more severe punishments; where does it end?
Try to step back and look at the big picture, and think of your son becoming an adult. What do you really want for him in the long run? Is it really that he will “listen to those in authority over him?” Because pretty soon the voices of authority, in his world, will not only include you and teachers, but also the popular kids at school, celebrities in the news, TV… Perhaps a better goal would be that he can think for himself and make good choices because he wants to, and wants the positive consequences that result from them. Fear of punishment can be a powerful motivator for a young child, but ultimately I think that forcing a child to ‘be good’ that way is a losing battle. Good luck to you.
I’ve said this in a few other posts [name]Kenzi[/name]. I’m very confused by your questions. If [name]Shephard[/name] was your first or second child and you were just struggling with implementing discipline in your home, I could understand. However, if discipline is such a big deal in your home… having 10 children at home (the oldest being 16)…that means you’ve had 16 years to work on a discipline system and “house rules.” I am in no way denying that each child is an individual or that children don’t go through periods of sibling rivalry or other concerns that make them act out. That’s not it at all. I just feel that you and your husband (and other children) should be acting as examples of the kind of behavior you expect in your family. You should alreayd have a full “discipline system” in place where you aren’t grasping for ideas of what new, cruel punishments to add. Discipline, as you know, is more about training, correcting, and modeling behaviors… rahter than the act of punishment.
[name]Shephard[/name] may have cognitive or other personality concerns that require a different approach to discipline, but it sound as if he doesn’t even understand what is expected of him if he’s acting out this much. Instead of punishing him in such a wide variety of UNRELATED things… please just sit down and tell him what you expect of him, why this is expected and how everyone in the family must obey mom and dad (and teachers in a school setting, babysitters, grandparents), and then explain the consequences for disobeying. The next step is key … Consistently follow-through on the consequences.
I will also repeat that you need to keep [name]Shepard[/name] close to you for a while to watch him and teach him what you expect from him.
In a home where “discipline is a big deal” you must know that consistency and rules are key - as is a very predictible consequence for bad behavior.
I ditto this <3
I’m getting a bit annoyed at this now, and more than very suspicious.
You claim to have 10 children, claim you have little time for all of them yet spend a lot of time asking ridiculous questions about parenting (in which you should really be an expert), claim you are having trouble with discipline but also claim you want another child. It doesn’t fit together.
You also jump at every single chance you can get to tell people the names and ages of your kids, and the fact you have 10. And the pictures you have on your profile are plain weird and seem very thrown together. If I had children I would be reluctant to even share their first names online, never mind images of them.
I honestly think that you’re a 14 year old girl dreaming of her future children and lifestyle. That’s perfectly fine. But please stop pretending to have 10 children, and remove the pictures of random children from your profile before somebody reports you.
Please just be yourself, and you’ll be respected.
Edited my message. Never mind.
Really? kenzi, those are other people’s photos of their kids. It’s absolutely fine if you like names and want to post on here - you’re welcome to, whether you’re old or young - but please don’t craft these elaborate lies. It’s kind of mean, insulting even.
PS I know this is REALLY off topic, but [name]Alivia[/name] [name]Juliet[/name] is a very cute name! Not fond of the Aliviya spelling, but still.
Second this! It is way past time for you to talk to his pediatrician. You sound ignorant and abusive with your discipline choices.
Instead of fabricating lies about having kids, you could just be normal and say that you one day hope to have this many children by these names. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that you probably aren’t 26 with 10 children - several under the age of 5. And you claim the oldest is 16? Which would make you 10 when you had him/her? Riiiight.
Her profile used to say she was 37. She randomly edited it yesterday. I’m not sure if we should take this as an admission of guilt, or if she’s now going to claim she was 10 when she gave birth. Neither would surprise me!
[name]Hi[/name] [name]Kenzi[/name],
I have been thinking a lot about this thread (you can see my original answer above) and I can’t let it go.
As a general rule I like to take people at face value and accept what they say as the truth (yep even online - crazy huh?). I am worried about you. Your posts are inconsistent enough to make others think that what you are saying may not be true. Perhaps you are just playing a game for fun - if so that is your choice. The thing is that you are spending a LOT of time on this game. So much time that I think you may have another reason.
Maybe you are a teenager and you are having a hard time - you wouldn’t be the first or the last to dream up another family to replace the one that you actually have (I used to do this a lot myself, daydream what my own family would be like to replace the one I was living at the time). If this is the case is there someone that you can talk to about your problems? Maybe a school counsellor, teacher or minister? Maybe one of your friends has a mum that you could talk with? Problems need to be dealt with in honesty and in truth.
My other thought was that you may be a mum with only one child who is struggling a bit with the reality of parenting and wanting to seem more experienced than you actually are but also wanting to deal with questions that you actually have. Being a mum is hard and there are several illnesses that are common after birth that can make people act out in unusual ways. [name]Do[/name] you have someone [name]IRL[/name] who can help you - a doctor or child health nurse for example? Living a fantasy is too hard in the long run and life can get better and easier with some help.
Maybe I sound patronising - it is hard to express yourself online to someone you don’t know about such personal things. I can’t help but think that all of these bizarre posts are a cry for some kind of help even if you just want a bit of attention. There are always people who can help you in real life if you are honest with them and ask for it.
Lastly - just in case you actually are a mother of 10 kids with the problems that you describe. If these posts are true then please, today seek some help for your family. You are describing chaos and the parenting methods you speak of could quickly deteriorate into child abuse if they haven’t allready. Your local church minister would be a good place to start, large families will be welcome and you would be able to ask for practical assistance today.
I’m sorry that I don’t have a better way of reaching out to you. I don’t PM on the internet for safety reasons. I will pray for you (the real you) and your (real) family as I feel that in any case you need help.
What an excellent reply, and admittedly, I’d been thinking a lot about it too. My guess is that she’s a 14 year old girl (the supposed [name]Evelyn[/name]) who just wants to find a place where she can create her own perfect lifestyle and children that she’d like to have in the future, and tell as many people as she can about it.
Before she deleted them all there were a couple of images on her profile of a 14 year old, only showing the back of her head. My guess is she wanted to make out that she was her daughter [name]Evelyn[/name], but didn’t want to show her face. She also expressed lots of her opinions through what ‘[name]Evelyn[/name]’ had said, for instance ‘My daughter [name]Evelyn[/name] has told me that she dislikes Twilight names’ or similar.
Her spelling, grammar and general attitude to children/parenting also suggested she was a young teen (as a 14 year old girl myself, I like to think I could easily spot one! Which also kinda makes me snobby in a way that I feel slightly superior to most my age, but that’s a different matter).
That’s my thoughts on the issue, anyway. There is always the possibility, like you mentioned, that she is actually a mother with unrealistic expectations of being a parent. If that is the case, then all I can say is it’s a sad situation and I do hope she finds the help and guidance she needs.
^mmljar1
^oliviasarah
This is why I love Nameberry. It is rare to find strangers in cyberspace with such compassion.