I have a list that’s been morphing around since I was twelve. Some names have come and gone, some have been on there for years or even the beginning.
I work with kids, so recently I started mentally trying out names on them… mostly imagining calling them by my favorites while watching them play. I’ve found that doing that really changes how I feel about a name, even more so than the classic “try-on” at Starbucks.
So it got me thinking: did your feelings about any names change once the impending possibility of bestowing it on a person sank in? I can imagine the reality of being pregnant would change things, as might actually seeing the baby (last-minute changes at the hospital… I fear this, so we’ve decided no decisions until after the birth. Going in with a shortlist).
Yes, very much so. It’s why the name lists of the younger berries who are not having families any time soon, and especially those unpartnered and therefore without another person’s preferences, heritage, family, surname etc to consider, always have very exotic & whimsical name lists. And (with certain exceptions) the people naming actual children are less adventuresome and more measured.
Once you’re pregnant it becomes apparent what an enormous responsibility selecting a name is. You do begin to imagine announcing it, enrolling said child in playgroups and school, shouting it out in anger, writing it, spelling it, etc multiple times a day. You realize that you wish it to encapsulate your secret hopes and expectations for the child, but also want it to be wearable and give him/her enough room to breathe and make the name their own. You seriously consider the very good advice “would you name yourself this? Would you like to go through life with this name?”
Not the way I thought it would. I’ve always had this feeling that when I got pregnant I would want something short and sweet, something classic with a little spunky. And with a different father to the child, I probably would’ve picked one of those names. But my boyfriend has a great passion for names as well, and not the normal ones.
And as blade said, it is a big responsibility to name a little person, we have taken a lot of names we love off the list because we don’t want our child to go through life being associated with whores, murderers or monsters.
We’re going in with a short list as well, I can’t choose one name until I meet my baby.
I also find that the names I would consider now that I have a baby are different since I want a well balanced sibset. This eliminates lots of names that I like but that are too different from the style we chose for DD’s name.
It occurred to me recently that we did not have a backup name planned if our daughter didn’t seem like a [name]Miriam[/name]. We also never doubted our choice once she was born. Once we had her name picked, it was set in stone.
There’s also a bid difference between the names I like and recommend on Nameberry and the names I can actually consider for my own children (mostly because we would only pick names that work well in French and English).
I actually haven’t change my name preferences since I became pregnant. I’m almost 12 weeks, and it’s definitely set in that I’ll be naming a real person, but my names haven’t changed. If anything, I love my name choices even more now that I’m picturing them on a real baby. Each and ever name combo on my list was chosen with great care and love and every single name has great meaning. If this baby is a boy, he will be [name]Damien[/name] [name]Quillon[/name] Frode ([name]Quillon[/name] – kwil-on and Frode – froh-deh) and if it’s a girl she will be [name]Persephone[/name] [name]Elysia[/name] [name]Willow[/name] ([name]Elysia[/name] said the Greek way – eh-lee-see-uh). Those were the same names I picked 6 months ago when we first started, and 3 months in, I love them more. They have such deep and loving meaning, that I can’t think of changing them and I don’t want to. I tried to put the “weirder” names in the middle so that my son or daughter has an easy enough time with just an unpopular name up front.
To recap – no, my preferences are the same, and I love them more knowing I’m naming a real baby.
My perception of my high school favorites changed with time. Either because pop culture made them feel less usable or because my taste has changed.
Some names that I strongly considered for my daughter just don’t have the same appeal like [name]Jolene[/name] for example.
Some that felt too daring like [name]Marigold[/name] I would use now because I feel like might not be so crazy given names I’ve heard since becoming a mom!
Definitely. The biggest factor was that my husband also had his own preferences. It was a challenge to find four girl names that we both liked equally and well enough to use. And there were some names that were on my list before I was ever pregnant that I never ended up using. I loved them and still do, but I’m not sure I ever loved them enough to use for my daughters.
Well I figured if I ever had children [which wasn’t something I planned on] I’d have someone to help me select a name… and I didn’t, so I do kinda envy people who at least have a partner’s input. Picking out my daughter’s name fell on all me. It wasn’t like it was with naming pets, with a pet it doesn’t matter if the name has a bad association or is really bizarre, but on a human being? You have to factor in the meaning, the associations, the sound of the name, how well it flows with the rest of the name, how popular vs unpopular it is, and so forth.
I’ve always had a distinction among names I loved between ones I’d actually use for a child and ones I wouldn’t. Some of the “unusable” names have been bestowed upon pets. I also have a distinction in my mind between first and middle names. My best friend has a common first name and a very unique middle name, which I really like. So while I’ve always loved [name]Aine[/name] (alternate spelling to [name]Anya[/name]), I’d also always imagined it as a mn so I could still use it but put another favorite with a more accessible spelling in the first name spot.
Since I’ve been pregnant, the biggest factor has been that now there’s this other person’s opinion to worry about, although he’s being an absolute peach compared to the potential baby name deadlock I experienced with my ex. Now I’m getting “I like this one you suggested more than this other one you suggested” instead of having my favorites called “white trash” and the only names we both liked being ones alliterative his last name, which drove me nuts.
Another factor might be that even if you’re completely ok with your name list and can picture those names working on a child, once you’re pregnant A LOT more people are going to want to talk names with you. Before you might have only discussed them with your S.O. and a few close friends, but once you’re expecting everyone in your family and half your facebook friends will be asking what you’re naming the baby. Some people can let negative reactions roll off their backs, while others might be discouraged if enough people seem to really hate a name choice.
So… did your preferences change during/after the pregnancy?
Thanks for all the responses. It’s different for name enthusiasts, so asking parents usually just gets me “I never thought about names before pregnancy, so I don’t know.”
