Do you think it's better...

…to be a younger parent with an older child or older parent with a younger child?

Hmm, not really sure one is better, unless I am not understanding your question. My good friend and I are in our 30s. She had a baby at 19 and I am in the planning stages. So I guess she would be the young parent and I would be the “old.” [name]One[/name] is not better; we are just on different paths.

Well, I had a baby at 24, so that’s kind of in the middle. I am 31 and I have a seven year old, five year old, and a 26-month old, and I am 36 weeks with #4, so I guess I’m kind of young to have a lot of kids…but I don’t think I fall into a distinct young/old category. I think either way is good, but I would rather have a child at a younger age because then you could a. be more active with them and b. have more kids. I can’t imagine having my three (plus one) kids at 40…

@e_monroe- Congrats on your newest little one! I would [name]LOVE[/name] to have three kids by now, but just didn’t meet the right person until a few years ago. It’s funny, I almost typed “I can’t imagine having a baby with the men I used to date in my early 20s.” Wherever we are in life, with some things we just can’t imagine it another way.

And I do want more than one, so I have to get crackin’ here :slight_smile:

I had my oldest at 23. Was in quite the interesting demographic as a newly married, just graduated college woman! I am pregnant now with our last at 33 (will be 34 when he arrives) and I see the benefits of both. Physically, if I just had [name]Seb[/name] (or even my older 2-3) I am a healthy woman who can be very active etc. So there are the benefits. Same in that I had no trouble getting pregnant (was actually on the bcp when I gotpregnant with my oldest) and other than mild HG no other issues that can occur do to age. On the other hand, financially we struggled for several years as I stayed at home and had student loans from my degree to pay back and only DH worked. My husband also did grad school while our family was young and growing (thus majority of child care fell on me) and it wasnt until last year until he was hired on in a position making a wonderful salery with room for advancement and growth. (He also just started a MBA program but oh well, lol). So, there are parts of me that do wish we would have been married several years and been more financially established (and either further schooling on my part or, nearly done or done on DH’s part)and still managed to have the beautiful family we do just maybe 10 years later. Of course hindsight is always 20/20, and even if there were hard times I cherish them and where we are now even if it was harder to get here isf that makes sense. So all this to say, I am unsure if one is “better” than the other. I have friends who began their familues just a year or so ago (at early to mid 30’s) and they enjoy that they finished school, got careers started etc before beginning their family life. So its different for each person I guess.

Personally, I believe being a younger parent is better in general. You have more energy, you’re young enough to really enjoy your grandchildren and be involved in their lives. I was 24 when I had [name]Rowan[/name], and the second child will probably come when I’m 26-27. But my husband was 33 when [name]Rowan[/name] was born so he will be 35-36 when the next one comes along. From my personal experience, my mom was 37 when she had me and I feel like she was much older than all my friend’s parents. I feel slightly cheated out of more time with my mom. My husband’s mom is only 52 and he is almost 10 years older than me. :frowning:

I want to have my children (2) now so I can fully enjoy their adult lives, as well as mine. I still want to travel the world!

I’m 32 and pregnant with my first. For me, having a baby 10 years ago, or even 5, probably would have been a disaster. I certainly wanted to finish school first and experience life some. I’ve definitely matured a lot but I still feel youthful and no less energetic than I did in college. Sure I could party all night then, but I think it’s not that I couldn’t now, just that somewhere along the line stuff like that lost its interest for me. (and I’m glad it did well before becoming a mom) I have no doubts I’ll be able to chase this kid around, and another after him.

I think it depends so much on who you are. It depends how mature you are, how stable your life is, what else you want out of life beside children, how many children you want to wind up with.

Of course, I’m thinking of all of this in terms of early 20s as “young mom” and early 30s as “old mom”. All the differences become much more extreme when you get into teen moms and moms in their 40s. And focusing on first-time moms. Some women have their first child and last 20+ years apart, with or without others in-between. I know several families where there’s at least a decade between the planned family and the surprise last baby.

I don’t really think it matters. A young woman could be more financially and emotionally stable to support a child, old or young, than a older parent, or vise versa.

My mom was 30 when she had me and that’s quite average…I think. I would say that 35+ is pretty old. Personally, I want to have my first when I’m around 29-30. At that age you are financially stable and you have seen quite a lot of the world, so you’re ready to mature and settle down.

Unless someone has experienced raising a child at both ends of the spectrum, I think it would be hard to judge which is better. I personally have no idea what it would have been like to have had a child at a young age as I can only speak for my current experience, and if most people think mid 30’s is pretty old then I guess I am ancient. Although there are specific issues/worries with being an older parent and ideally I would have preferred to be a little younger, life doesn’t always go as planned.

Personally, I’d much rather be younger when I have my children. I do not want to be 40 years old and potty training.
However, some women would prefer to be older. I know a woman how had her first after 30, and she was much happier that she waited. Her second child came at 36, and she said she had even MORE patience with the second one.
So it’s person to person, and I’d never say one it ultimately better than the other.

But for me, I know being a younger parent is likely much better for me and my ideals. I wanted to have my first at 21, but seeing as I’m 19 and nowhere near where I want to be, I’ve pushed that date to about 25.
But who knows where I’ll be at 25, I might have to wait till 30.

What do you consider young and “old”? I would rather be the child of a well-established thirty year old couple than the child of teen parents or parents in their early twenties who don’t have their crap together every single day of the week.

Older parents with younger children because individuals should become adults before they can raise kids.

My mum had me at 21, and while she is a brilliant mum, she was a single mum for a long time and had to work full time to support us, so we went to a babysitter after school until dinner time. She never had a lot of time or energy to spend with us until she could become a SAHM when I was in my teens.

I had my youngest at 36. My partner and I were financially secure enough that I’ve been able to be a SAHM for their early years. I’ve done a lot more things with my kids in their early years than my mum ever did.

I’m not saying I suffered or mum was wrong, but I’m much happier that I waited to have my kids until I was older. And yes, I’ve done potty training in my 40s and it’s not the end of the world though i’m not looking forward the the sleepless nights again.

I think it depends on the family dynamic. I’m 23, married and have 2 children. I love being a young Mum but hate the stereotype people have because of my age. I was with my husband for 5 years and married for 1 before we had our eldest but people always assume we got married because we were having a baby. People say I didn’t get to travel the world or be a successful career woman before having children but I feel like I didn’t truly live until my children were born. They are my world and I had no understanding of love or life before they were bought into this world.

I don’t think there’s something wrong with any of them. People are ready for children at different ages.
I turned 20 exactly one month after my son was born, and I’m now expecting number two. When s/he is born, I will be 22 and 4 months.
I like that I’m a young mom, I still have a lot of energy and I won’t be super old when my kids are grown up. But, in some ways, I wished I was a couple of years older. People have a lot of prejudices about young moms and if I was older I would have gotten more life experience. If I was going to say what the “perfect” age for the first kid was, I would probabl say somewhere around 23-28.