This is going to be the last post im going to make. After reading all the comments and giving it much thought i came to the conclusion that it is quite silly to not used a name just because someone else has it and like people have been telling me he’s not known in [name_u]America[/name_u] and is basically only on Spotify only plus i really do like the idea of honoring my great grandma [name_f]Frances[/name_f] with the name [name_m]Frans[/name_m] (which is pronounced like France) now i just need to know that if [name_m]Frans[/name_m] Manheim would go good together with Manheim being derived from the first restaurant my husband has ever taken me.
I think it flows really nicely! If it’s got special meaning to you and you love it, go for it!
[name_m]Frans[/name_m] Manheim sounds very distinguished and distinctive! [name_f]Glad[/name_f] you’ve gone back to [name_m]Frans[/name_m] 
While it’s not a bad combo…. Something to possibly put into consideration is that, where this is a boy you’ll be adopting, it’s often suggested to incorporate some of their original heritage into their new name.
When I was adopted as a baby my parents kept my given name but changed the spelling. For my non blood related sibling they moved their given name to the middle spot. I have friends who adopted and gave a second middle name to represent the country their child came from. I do know of instances where getting completely away from the given name due to negative associations has also occurred… but as you pinpoint your sons combo just consider where honoring his beginnings should also fall into place as well.
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Well i guess i could incorporate his birth name as his second middle name
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I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t you just use his birth name as his first name? Why do you need to change it? Adoption can result in a lot of trauma. The least you can do is leave him his name. Losing that is losing a huge part of his sense of identity.
After all the trouble i went through to find the right name for my adoptive child and now your telling me i can’t even change it plus who’s to say he wouldn’t want a name change he might would and further more i didn’t say the age range of which i will be adopting from.
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[name_f]Do[/name_f] you realise how incredibly selfish that makes you sound? Obviously, I can’t forbid you from changing your child’s name, but hopefully as a parent you will consider your child’s best interests, and the testimony of MANY adoptees who have spoken about the trauma of adoption and having identities erased. I don’t think his age matters at all. It’s not even as if you’ve got your heart set on a particular name. You’ve just been throwing around a few initial ideas, so I don’t know what the enormous trouble you’re supposed to have gone to is. And even if you had, shouldn’t your child’s needs still be more important than that?? [name_m]Add[/name_m] a middle name if you really feel the need.
Sure, it’s possible he might want a name change in later life. If that’s the case, he can very easily choose to get one as an adult. It’s far more likely though that a child would want to retain their name than change it, especially if they have been uprooted from their biological family. I don’t know why you would preemptively change it based on the small chance he might want that later on, when he is clearly not old enough to consent. I sure hope you do some reading about adoption trauma and don’t prioritize your own wants over your child’s wellbeing. They are an individual person, not a pet. You shouldn’t adopt a child if you don’t have the ability to be selfless.
My phone autocorrected to Mannheim with double nn which is a German city (and probably more accurate and suitable?)… Anyway it’s nice to have Heim (home) in the name.
Good luck with everything - and no limit on posting here in meantime! Better to test it out with people whatever their responses before it’s tested out in real world.
Edit: just read posts above. I hadn’t realised the child already had or would have a birth name (given to child with intention of it being their name). Where I live, adoptive parents are not allowed to change the child’s birth name unless it is offensive or unless one of the adoptive parents’ other children has the same name (which I would hope might mean a more creative solution). Anyway there’s a lot of reading on the ethics of adoptive children’s names - and I’d have thought the agency would cover this?
Anyway, if not Frans plus bio name, could it be worth having Frans as second name (and maybe Mannheim / Manheim as second second name - ie third name). If in second spot, you can call child their bio name as well as bio name plus Frans as a double barrel until they can meaningfully decide what they like? Or is there any extra reason why changing the birth name is the best option for the child in this situation? Just worth thinking about so you can explain it to the child in future (if not the court if that’s applicable).
As one who’s adopted Inhave to interject and say while I understand your passionate heart I can’t say I agree with the blanket statement you’re putting out on behalf of all of us adoptees. If you read my above comment…. There are many ways to honor the original name and heritage while also allowing their name to mold with their new families. Additionally as I noted not every adoptee should be keeping their original name. I’ve known a couple where changing them completely was in the best interest of the child.
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Yes, there are rare instances in which changing the name is appropriate, at the request of the child, eg. due to trauma associated with it. This does not sound like it’s the case here at all though.
Well gee i don’t want the child to feel alienated or don’t belong with me or my family that’s the reason why i want to give him a name i want him to have a sense that he belongs and don’t feel like a misfit i’m not being selfish maybe you have some deep seeded issues that you need to work through
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No, not even just at the request of the child…. And not even just with “the trauma” associated with it. Not every child should have to live with their given name until the child is old enough to say otherwise. There are many situations out there that can be the exceptions to blanket statements.
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You should be able to make your child feel part of your family by other means than taking away connection to his birth family. Like I said, give him a new middle name, or even a double-barrel name, but don’t take his first name away from him. He shouldn’t feel like a misfit because you didn’t give him his first name. I don’t have deep seated issues in relation to adoption, however I do have immediate family members who are adopted, so I’m going off what they have said, in order to hopefully prevent your child from developing deep seated issues.
Ok how about this for a compromise (his first name) [name_m]Frans[/name_m] Manheim (my last name)
That sounds like a really good idea, and the middle names sound good together
Ok i can comprise with that and its not like people don’t go by their middle names anyways
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Yeah exactly, there were at least five kids in my senior year of high school who went by their middles, and I generally go by both my first and middle, so you could have your cake and eat it too, so to speak. There’s no problem with that. I just think it’s a good idea to leave it as his legal first name so he has the option to use it later if he would like to.
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As an adoptive mom with skin in the game so to speak, I have opinions on this topic as well. It seems that this discussion has remained largely respectful to this point, but I’m popping in with mod hat on to say that we should try to stick to OP’s question and while it’s OK to respectfully state opinions on a slightly different topic that the OP has previously posted about as part of this same overall discussion, please remember the other person at the other side of the screen.
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Its ok i’m learning to be open to and take constructive criticism and also it might be in the best interest to retain at lest the adoptive child’s first name
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