Do you think this is unfair?

for both the first and middle names of our first child/son to be the same as family members from my side of the family. I am the mother.

first name = [name]JAMES[/name] = my father
middle name = my grandfather
last name = husband’s surname

Ironically, I prefer giving an original name our child and not honoring family members, but my favorite boys names happen to be my father and grandfather’s names. I’ve considered other names, including my husband’s late father, [name]Francis[/name]. But that name is too close to the female version. We’ve considered [name]Frank[/name] too, but it’s too strong in combination with the strong middle and last names.

I want to be fair and wouldn’t want any inequity reflected in my child’s name. My husband is fine with our middle name selection, but has been thinking about [name]JAMES[/name] and looks like he will soon be giving me the ok. Yet, now I feel some guilt that 2 out of the 3 would be from my family. But please note that my husband’ father’s brother’s name was also [name]James[/name]. So [name]James[/name] is shared on both sides of the family, except that my husband’s uncle is not as close a relationship as my father.
This also poses another problem that our child would have the same first and last name as my husband’s late uncle - why didn’t we honor my husband’ father instead? Because I like the name [name]James[/name] better than [name]Francis[/name]…

Also, we most likely will not be having any more children. So I couldn’t name our next child after members of my husband’s family.

We’ve considered other names that are not in our family tree and the one name we may consider is [name]Evan[/name]. [name]Do[/name] you like this
name? I personally like classic, timeless names like [name]James[/name], [name]Henry[/name] and [name]William[/name] (the latter two of which I can’t use for various reasons), and [name]Evan[/name] doesn’t exactly fit that category. [name]Will[/name] [name]Evan[/name] age well? [name]Do[/name] you wonder if this could be a girl when you see/hear [name]Evan[/name]?

Thank you so much.

I think that it all depends on your situation whether it is fair or whether it needs to be fair. [name]Will[/name] your husband feel bad, or is he okay with the name selection? What about his Mother - will she feel slighted? I’ve thought about this some, as I really like my [name]MIL[/name]'s first name and would love to name a daughter after her. She is also a wonderful person and my husband is still extremely close with his mother. However, I know my own Mom would feel bad, so I would have to honor her in the middle name, or else do some very careful explaining when announcing the name. It would be a little touchy, but might be doable. I also wish I could honor my late FIL by naming a son after him, but I just hate his name. Luckily, I don’t like my own father’s name much better, so we just won’t use either. I would not feel guilty about liking the names you like, and wanting to use family names. Of course, the surname is your husband’s family, so it’s not that unfair. Another possibility would be to add in a second middle name, to use one of his family’s names as a middle name as well. Then it would be perfectly fair! :slight_smile: Otherwise, if their are three names (first, middle, last) then someone will get two, and someone will get one, because it is an odd number. [name]Hope[/name] my thoughts help!

I think [name]James[/name] is great, and if your husband is okay with it, I’d go for it! I like it much more than [name]Evan[/name]. It’s actually my father’s name, too, and my grandfather’s name, and my uncle’s name! Wow.

I was thinking that maybe you could give your son two middle names. I don’t know what middle name you’ve chosen, but let’s just pretend it’s [name]Henry[/name]. So, you could do something like [name]James[/name] [name]Henry[/name] [name]Francis[/name] SURNAME, right? That way, you get [name]Francis[/name] in there! I like [name]Francis[/name] as a middle name…

[name]Lemon[/name] :slight_smile:

So far, I have been able to get away with using my family members’ names because I say that all of our children will bear his family name as their surname. But I think I’m going to have to give the next girls’ mn spot to his grandmother’s name. =) Why not plan on alternating? His family gets the next kid’s mn?

Whoops. [name]Just[/name] saw the part where you arent having more children. Does your husband have siblings who might be using [name]Francis[/name]?

What about using too middle names? [name]James[/name] [name]Francis[/name] ___________ or [name]James[/name] _________ [name]Francis[/name]. It is very common now a days to use two middle names and it will allow you to keep [name]James[/name] and honor both sides of the family. Also, [name]Evan[/name] is a form of [name]John[/name] so any [name]John[/name] variant could be used to honor. [name]James[/name] [name]Francis[/name] [name]Evan[/name] would also sound nice if you like the two mn idea.

Thank you all for replying to my post. I really appreciate it.

2 middle names: This is something I had considered and have not ruled out. Three names would be ideal (most people around me have three) as four seems a bit too long, but I am open to it. I just wonder how much of a hassle this would become paperworkwise, etc. as I don’t have any firsthand experience with this. Would it be just a minor inconvenience or a burden?

I’ve been thinking of other first names (not from our family trees) if I go the standard 3 name route. What do you think of [name]JOSHUA[/name]? I know this is not the most cutting-edge, Nameberryese-type name, but what do you think? Or how about [name]MILES[/name]?

Thank you all again.

hi summerautumn–

had to reply about having 4 names.

i do. many women do if we keep our given middle names and take our husband’s family names. i use all four when it suits the occasion. drop one of the middles when i have to force it on to a form. hasn’t been a problem.

my godchildren have 2 middle names. one is now in college, the younger one in high school. they do the same thing. only “problem” is that they have to remember which middle name the used when looking to find that form. they don’t think it’s a problem. older one says when she marries and has a family, they’ll likely have 2 middles to allow her to honor relatives and still use a first name she just likes.

hope this is some help.

I think it is completely fine. All of my nephews & my son are given their middle names after someone of my dad’s side of the family. It isn’t because we prefer that side of the family but because they just have better names. At first it sort of hurt my mom’s feelings but once we explained to her that we wanted to name our boys after family members while still giving them cute names she was ok with it. Maybe you can name your next child after someone on your husbands side.

I hold the position that the wife gets to pick whatever first and middle name she wants (hubby does get some veto power) because the child has the hubby’s last name…and you have to give birth. HA!

In our family, naming children after relatives is a sore subject. It has caused hurt feelings. I’m for telling everyone “We’re not naming our baby/babies after anyone in either of our families. Any name that happens to be the same as that of a relative is pure coincidence.”

As long as your husband is in agreement on the names you shouldn’t feel badly. After all, your son most likely will not use his middle name on a daily basis. Also, his last name will be handed down for generations, so it is technically the strongest name, so I think it technically is balanced with the first and middle names.

If your husband isn’t bothered by it I think it’s fine.

I like [name]Evan[/name] - I definitely think of it as a boys name (I believe it is far more popular for boys than girls).