For a long time (many years) I have had a romanticized notion of using [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] as a boy’s name. Given it’s popularity for girls has made me wonder if I would ever really use it, yet at the same time it remained top of my boy list. I got some encouragement yesterday that it really might be more usable than I had thought and began to think about it a bit more seriously again today, but then I came across this article
*“I was christened [name_m]Arthur[/name_m] [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] [name_m]St John[/name_m]: the first name after my father, the second from a whim of my mother’s,” [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] Waugh wrote in his autobiography, “I have never liked the name. In [name_u]America[/name_u] it is used only of girls and from time to time even in [name_f]England[/name_f] it has caused confusion as to my sex.” *
Waugh may have hated the name throughout his life—in boyhood, he claims to have responded to ridicule by citing [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] [name_m]Wood[/name_m], the famed British [name_m]Army[/name_m] officer who fought in [name_f]India[/name_f] and [name_u]South[/name_u] [name_f]Africa[/name_f]. But then he decided to marry a woman named [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u]. In 1927, he became engaged to [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] [name_u]Gardner[/name_u], which so discombobulated his social set that his friends began referring to them as “He-[name_u]Evelyn[/name_u]” and “She-[name_u]Evelyn[/name_u].” (Not to worry: They soon had an ugly breakup, resolving the problem.)
After reading this and how he hated his name so much. [name_m]How[/name_m] it had been just a whim on his mother’s part, etc, without even any real meaning behind it, all the romantic notions I had feel so tarnished now. What I don’t understand is why, if he hated it so much he still went by [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] as opposed to [name_m]Arthur[/name_m]. That just doesn’t make sense to me. But I am feeling a bit disappointed now. Has anyone ever had a name they have wanted to use for such a long time tarnished in a way like this?
Oh, I’m so sorry! I know how disappointing it can be to hear or read negative things about a name you love. It has happened to me before, though I’m struggling to think of an example off the top of my head.
If it makes you feel any better, I actually know (though not super well) a guy around my age (early twenties) whose middle name is [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u], and he wears it well. Yes, he’s gotten remarks here or there about having a girl’s name, but all in good fun. I don’t think anyone actually sees it as an issue.
So, if it’s any consolation, it seems to be very wearable as a middle name. You shouldn’t feel the need to scrap it entirely. (Though I wouldn’t do away with it as a fn either if you really love it – it truly is unisex, imo. There was a male character on Downton [name_u]Abbey[/name_u] called [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u], very respectable and made the name seem masculine enough – though it was pronounced Eev-lynn on the show, not Ev-eh-lynn.)
Okay, I’ve probably said way more than is necessary.
In sum, I’m sorry the name feels less wonderful to you now. But I wouldn’t give it up entirely if I were you. Recall all the reasons you loved the name in the first place.
It is odd that he went by his middle name. Perhaps his mother always called him [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] and the name stuck… But it’s still strange that he didn’t redefine himself as an adult.
When my mom was young, her initials were R.A.T. and she was bullied mercilessly for it. When it was time for her to graduate high school, she lied about her middle name, said it was [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f], so her “new” initials were R.E.T. This was in the 60s, but I don’t know why she got away with a different name on her high school diploma and college degree…
I guess my point is… I have no idea why her middle name mattered so much to people, but it did
With that being said, I think that masculinity is very fragile within the human race… Any chance to demasculinize something or someone, people will take it and run with it. As long as you’re prepared to teach your son the self-confidence and coping skills to deal with a lifetime of people thinking he’s a girl based on his name - then you should go for it! I’m very supportive of derailing societal constructs, like gender.
As for your last question about a name being tarnished - Yes, absolutely. [name_f]My[/name_f] entire life, I wanted to name my daughter after my maternal grandmother. She passed away when I was 6 and I have great memories with her. However, a few years ago (I’m 28 now) my mom finally told me the full truth about her life and she did some truly horrible, unforgivable things. I can’t believe my mom let me talk about naming my child after her when I was in my late teens and early 20s. Fortunately, I didn’t have a kid before I knew everything… The name is completely tarnished for me.
I’ve had certain names on my list that I’ve taken off due to bad associations. They were just too overwhelming for me to overcome. On the flipside, there have been names that have been “tarnished” in one way or another, that I have chosen to keep. It sounds like you truly love this name, so my advice is to give it some time. You don’t need to decide right now. Keep it on your list for the time being, and if it feels right when the time comes, then you can be certain that you took all the time and effort needed to come to that conclusion.
I’m sorry that you feel the name has been ruined, we’ve all been there! I don’t want to make you feel even worse, but personally I can only see [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] as a girls name (in fact I thought [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] Waugh was a girl until now). Plus it seems like he got a lot of stick for being a male [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u], so I think it’d be best to find something else you love just as much (if not more!) or to keep it as a middle. Maybe you’d like [name_u]Everett[/name_u], [name_u]Everest[/name_u] or [name_u]Ever[/name_u] instead?
