I saw one of my friends today for the first time in a while, and we got talking future baby names.
Turns out her choice of name for a girl is one I quite like but is very similar to a name I would really love to use in the future. So similar that if she used hers, I definitely couldn’t use mine.
Internally I got sort of irrationally angry at the fact this now limits me; she will almost certainly have a baby before me since she’s getting married this coming [name_u]December[/name_u].
And I know I’m being silly, but I wondered if anyone else ever had this weird feeling?
[name_m]How[/name_m] often do you see this friend? I’d probably use the similar name anyway, if it were me.
I’ve had this feeling, too. [name_f]Frances[/name_f] and [name_f]Olive[/name_f] have been at the top of my girls list for a while, and I was really looking forward to using both names. Only, [name_u]Drew[/name_u] Barrymore has an [name_f]Olive[/name_f], and she recently named her new baby [name_u]Frankie[/name_u], so I feel like this sibset is off limits now. I don’t want people to think I’ve named my kids after Barrymore’s. I was quite upset about it when I found out about [name_u]Frankie[/name_u] today. Not quite sure I’m over it yet.
I’m going through this with my sister! [name_m]Harrison[/name_m] has always been in my top 10 for boys and was a serious contender for my daughter. [name_f]My[/name_f] sister just had a baby boy and when we were talking about sibsets, she said how they’re thinking the next will be [name_m]Harris[/name_m]. I got quite belligerent but then reigned it in. Ultimately I know she’ll drop the name since she knows my love of [name_m]Harrison[/name_m]. If not, I know I can get my [name_m]BIL[/name_m] on my side LOL.
I had a “friend” who’d do this to me all the time. I’d mention a name to her in passing and then weeks later she’d tell me about this name she “discovered”. Suffice to say, I stopped talking names and eventually dropped her as a friend (for other reasons too, of course).
I’m no where near having kids yet and my 2nd cousin had a little girl. The middle name was a variation of my grandmother’s name and I didn’t feel that she stole it per say, but it made me sad that it might limit my way to get my grandmother in my future child’s name. I also never expected it since I’m my grandmother’s only grandchild.
I felt a tiny twinge when my [name_m]SIL[/name_m] and [name_m]BIL[/name_m] named their son Tómas, because I love it and it was on my list. But at the end of the day you can’t use all the names on your list, and I’m happy that he has such a great name. I’d rather the kids in my life had names I love than names I hate! If Tómas had been my number 1 heart-set-on-it name then maybe I would feel differently, but you never really know if you’re going to have boys or girls or even children at all until it happens.
I think it’s a different story with naming after people. I did feel a bit put out when my cousin used my mother’s name for her daughter’s middle name, I did feel like she stole that from me because she is my dear mother, she means more to me than she does to my cousin, and I and my future children mean more to her than my cousin and her children do. I mean why not use her own mother’s (my mother’s sister) name? Personally think my mum’s name is nicer than her mum’s name so I can see why, but I was a bit like: me and my brother have the right to name after our own mother, not you. If I wanted to use my mother’s name in the future there’s no way it would stop me, but I feel like now it would be less special… I know my mum was delighted about it and I don’t want to be selfish but in my opinion naming after an aunt or an uncle when that person has children of their own that might want to honour them is not very considerate.
The same goes for what kakin said about a more distant relative using her grandmother’s name. I think people ought to stick to their own direct relatives unless they’re sure that the direct relatives of the person in question weren’t ever thinking about using their name.
Yeah I did! I knew someone who named their daughter [name_f]Eleanora[/name_f] and I was so in love with that name. I ended up not using it but lately I’ve been thinking of using it anyway, but this time I’m leaning towards [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f]. Although I do have [name_f]Nora[/name_f] on the list (and I’m not %100 but I think, actually they do use this nickname for her).
A bit. I always really liked [name_f]Stella[/name_f], its my grandmother’s name & I would have liked to use it for a daughter. But our very close friends named their daughter [name_f]Estelle[/name_f], so I feel like that is too similar for us. We see them all the time.
I’m going through this with my cousin. [name_f]Zoe[/name_f] is my top name for a girl because it honors my grandmother (who is named [name_f]Zoe[/name_f]). This grandmother is not related to her at all, and has never met her before. She was visiting last week and asked me what my favorite name was (and we’ve talked about this before), and I told her [name_f]Zoe[/name_f] with the reasoning of naming my daughter after my beloved grandmother (as I’m her only granddaughter, and I doubt my brothers would use her name). She then replied, “Me too, I’ve loved [name_f]Zoey[/name_f] since I saw [name_f]Zoey[/name_f] 101.” It took all my self restraint not to roll my eyes or snap at her; naming her daughter after I stupid TV character, though it probably wouldn’t have bothered me if it were any other name. I’m not really worried about this since she’s only 12, but it still kind of made me think, “She can’t use my name.” And I’m a long way from having children any time soon.
I agree with other posters, you shouldn’t use the name of a relative before asking direct relatives if they’re planning on using the name. It is kind of inconsiderate. But at the same time, people should be allowed to name their children whatever they want, and we can’t do anything about it. I just have to hope that I will have children before her!
Did your friend know it was your favorite name/top contender for a future child? If she did, I don’t think the fact you got angry is irrational. It’s not really nice of her! I think I’d be very angry and upset if I was in your situation, too.
[name_f]My[/name_f] brother who is 2 years younger than me just had his first child. They decided on the name [name_f]Lily[/name_f].
I was planning on using it for a middle name for my first daughter. It would have been a dedication to my grandma who’s name was [name_f]Susan[/name_f] and it’s meaning is literally “lily flower”.
I know I have multiple times shared this with my family members bc I am obsessed with names like all of us. I’m sure he either forgot or he went with it bc his spouse chose it.
It just sucks because I know it doesn’t mean the same to them as it would have meant to me to use it.
But I decided to get over it and use [name_f]Susannah[/name_f]. Luckily my husband decided he likes [name_f]Susannah[/name_f] enough, especially since it’s for my Grandma and not just because.
I went through this a couple of years ago when my cousin had her baby. She wanted to give their baby our grandmother’s name as a middle name. However, my first name is our grandmother’s name, so I’ve always felt like my desire to pass on the name to my daughters would take precedence over anyone else doing it, because it’s my name too. In the end though, luck was a lady, and the baby ended up being a boy! No name swiping occurred.
Haha, I have to say I’m glad it’s not just me that gets this feeling!
I don’t see this particular friend very often, but we’re close enough that it would be weird if we had daughters with very similar names.
Her name is [name_f]Lyra[/name_f], mine is [name_f]Delilah[/name_f], with the nickname [name_f]Lilah[/name_f].
[name_f]Lyra[/name_f] and [name_f]Lilah[/name_f] is a just a bit too similar for my taste.
Crossing my fingers she has boys until I have my first!
It’s just dangerous to the emotions to discuss names with women who might have children around the same time as you. I have had the same feeling, with cousins and even a sister who liked names that I had mentioned and then used them. They had a right. They had children first, and I don’t begrudge them those names now. But, man, did it smart at first! Now, when I need to bounce names around and get opinions–I make sure it’s not someone so close that name overlap would be an issue. Also, we kept our baby’s name a complete secret from family and friends until he was born. (I had only two confidants–to make sure my name wasn’t something ONLY a mother could love.) It was a good plan; everyone was happy and surprised with the name. And, if they didn’t like it–they just kept their mouth shut because it was already a done deal.
It was a good idea to keep his name a secret until your baby’s born. [name_f]My[/name_f] plan is to not decide 100% on a name until I meet them but I don’t think I’ll even tell people the possibilities!
I haven’t personally felt like any of my favorite names have been swiped (other than when I was like, 13, and loved the name [name_u]Aidan[/name_u] [name_u]James[/name_u], which my cousin ended up using. I never spoke to her back then, so it’s not like she knew. I got over it) BUT, as I am a pregnant woman in her mid-twenties and surrounded by other pregnant women in THEIR mid-twenties (or 30s), I am constantly worried that someone will give birth before me and take the name(s) my husband and I have chosen. It’s a little stressful!
Me too, I’m literally on edge everytime a friend has a baby because I’m worried they’re going to use my names! I never know whether to tell people the names I like to take ownership of them or to keep quiet! Probably should keep quiet hehe
I have totally felt this way… and I am sure I have made people feel it too. [name_f]My[/name_f] sister myself and my sister in law have all been pregnant at the same time three times in a row… Naturally we will discuss names… [name_f]My[/name_f] [name_m]SIL[/name_m] named her daughter my second favorite girl’s name ([name_f]Catherine[/name_f] [name_f]Sue[/name_f]), and I had a son… and named him (middle name) [name_m]Allen[/name_m] [name_m]Charles[/name_m] after my brother/husband, she named her son the same as my brother ([name_m]Charles[/name_m] [name_m]Clifford[/name_m])…she also used my mom’s name for the middle of her daughter’s… I don’t really care… I love her and her babies and I know she loves me and mine… we just have great taste in names… I also used for my second son our older family’s last name that has died out except my great Uncle ([name_u]Owen[/name_u]) and then had a cousin who copied me…
I’ve never had it happen but my sister was expecting a baby and she said she really loves the name [name_f]Alice[/name_f], which is my favourite name for a girl. She said she wouldn’t use it because she knows I love the name and have since a child because I used to be obsessed with [name_f]Alice[/name_f] in Wonderland, as my Grandma used to always read it to me, so it holds a special place in my heart. Her husband doesn’t like the name much anyway, so she said it’s all mine! They ended up with a little [name_f]Edith[/name_f] instead.