So our 2 year old has been asking lots of questions in part few days about what’s ‘down there’. When we change her she will ask ‘Mummy, what’s that?’ and point to her privates. At first I actually didn’t know what to tell her it’s called! I feel a bit funny about my daughter who just turned 2 using the actual name. [name]Do[/name] any of you have any advice? I’m surprised how stressed out it’s making me!
I’ve been brought up in a very honest home so I knew what it was called when I was little. My parents told me the truth when I asked, and they never used any cute babyish names. Of course I don’t know yet if I would handle it that way when my [name]Baby[/name] is here and can ask questions, but right now I think that’s the way I’m going to do it. I grew up in scandinavia though, things are different there.
Haha, I remember this phase well. [name]Both[/name] for myself, my brothers, and my childhood friends.
My mom told me it was called something else than the real name, but it’s a slang term in her birth country. I don’t even know if I had to ask about it. She followed suit with my brothers but used the proper terms.
I think it’s best to be honest and just tell her, I think avoiding answering makes it more awkward and may send out the message that it’s something “not nice/weird” etc.
Things like body parts aren’t things to get stressed over, I think it’s easy to handle, and you aren’t really capable of going about it in a wrong way. I think you’re safe to just tell her the basics. 
EDIT: yes, privates is an excellent filler term if you don’t want to use the technical terms. My cousin or brother, I don’t remember which used to call it their “privacy”, my mom and I found it adorable.
With my sister, before she ever started asking what things were called, she starting calling it a “front butt” which was adorable, but my mom straightened that out. We just taught her to call it “privates” since my mom was uncomfortable using the real words with a young child who might repeat to friends.
At the daycare, it’s the same. We teach the toddlers “privates” and one of the workers has started calling the boys parts “goobers” which is very funny. They get it too, with no worries.
I think each situation is different to the individual child though. It’s what you think you and your child can handle. I’m not sure what I’ll do yet
I say call it what it is and don’t stress out about it. We just named the parts when my daughter started asking. It was not big deal. Now her brother is almost two and before we could get around to giving his privates a label, she named it for him with a cutesy name. So now he calls it his “bum bum.” cute, but we will have to correct this at some point now.
I always knew the correct term for my body parts. I also knew they were private, and nobody was supposed to touch them. (I’m only not using the correct terminology here because Nameberry rules aren’t very clear. )
I’m not a mom, but I think it’s important for children to be aware of their body parts. At this age, you don’t need to go into extreme detail, obviously. [name]Just[/name] use the correct words for basic female and male genitalia. Our “private parts” are not shameful. Your children know different body parts like nose, eyes, arm, etc. Why not “down there”?
I’d say use the correct terms when she asks. I was always told they were privates until I was about six. Then my parents used the.right terms.
My health teacher actually pointed out that being honest with your kids about that when they’re little affects how they come to you about things “down there” when they’re older. [name]Even[/name] though they may not remember learning or asking about they’re they will generally subconsciously remember your reaction.
I had no real issue with my parents about that sort of stuff until they it all weird.about it when I was about 15 and stopped answering questions and such.
I read once that it’s better to use technical terms with children–as a matter of safety.
No pedophile wants to talk to a little one about their penis or vagina. They tend to call it something else. The example was “cupcake”, I believe. So, if your child ever starts calling it something else, you know to check things out.
I’m not saying that everyone who calls it something else is a pedophile either. It’s just one of those things.
Plus, it grates on me when a child is taught that their parts are to be called something else, like the actual names are dirty or wrong. You have either a penis or a vagina. [name]Just[/name] like you have eyes and a nose. They are not dirty or wrong, they just are.
This reminds me of when I was first nannying for a six-year-old boy and a two-year-old girl who was just finishing up potty training. I took her to the potty on the first day there and she asked me “Did you know that boys have a p---- and girls have a v-----?” Admittedly I was a little shocked at first but I just said “Yes, I did know that” and moved on. She never mentioned it again. I actually admired her parents for telling her at that age, but I think it’s a good idea to use the actual word or say “privates”, not make up a cutesy word like winky-winkles or cupcake.
And I agree with thejollyfinch, the words for those body parts aren’t dirty, that’s just what they’re called. Why not call them the correct word?
When I was younger my mother referred to it as something so silly I don’t think I can bring myself to type it onto the internet. I can understand why she did it, I’m sure there are very few people who WOULD be comfortable saying ‘vagina’ to a toddler; society teaches us that it’s weird or wrong to even HAVE genitals in the first place. I remember first hearing the word ‘vagina’ from a teacher aged 9/10 and thinking it was utterly hilarious. Me and my friends laughed for days.
A penis was always (and still is, haha) a ‘willy’ which is the standard [inoffensive] slang term in the UK. I have one friend who’s mum always claimed 'boys have [name]Willy[/name]'s, girls have [name]Wilma[/name]‘s’ which as a name lover, I find very strangely adorable and also hilarious.
I don’t have children (just a teenager browsing the momberry board!) but I think when I do have children I’ll use the correct terms from very early on. I mean, you don’t tell kids their arm or feet have alternative, less awkward names. I’d also want my children, especially my daughters to know that it’s not shameful to have a vagina, which is the message that is sent when you tell girls they have a ‘fufu’ or ‘cupcake’. It’s a feminist issue, really.
I think it’s an older mindset to be afraid to tell your kids what’s “down there.” We’re in the modern world and there is nothing wrong with telling them correct terms. I don’t ever remember if I ever asked when I was little, but I do remember the giggling in 4th/5th grade when we learned what they were called, which now I do find kind of immature. We shouldn’t be so embarrassed about our body parts. I plan on telling my future children if they ask what it is right away, there is nothing wrong, that’s what it is and what it is called.
Thanks everyone!
I told her the real name, although my husband was mortified (he had a very sheltered upbringing). I always planned on telling her the real name but when her sweet little 2yo face looked up and asked I couldn’t do it the first time! The next time we changed her I was expecting it and she didn’t ask! But when we gave her a bath the next day she did, so I told her it’s a V-----. After she has her bath we went to my parents house, she walked straight up to my Dad and very proudly said “Grandpa, I have a V-----!” I was so embarrassed and worried about what he would say but it made me so proud when he responded with “That’s great Sweet Pea, what other body parts do you have? [name]Do[/name] you have a nose? What about feet? [name]Do[/name] you have a bellybutton?”
I think with our second (she is nearly 1) we will start calling hers by it’s real name now. We never referred to their V-----s as anything before now but I think it’s better to start before she catches me off guard like her big sister.
For those of you that may feel weird saying Vagina, try using the actual term Vulva, which is the proper name for a woman’s area ‘down there’, the Vagina is only the birth canal, and that particular word does tend to make people squeamish for some reason. I am all for honesty with children especially about this since it is so very important not to shame that part of them and as someone else mentioned, for safety reasons, a child should always know the proper name. Vulvas and Penises are just a body part, just like you would call a nose a nose, do it the same justice.
Nice job, Grandpa! What a perfect response.
I think for a two-year-old going with either the anatomical name or “privates” are both equally appropriate. Actually I think teaching both terms is a good idea, because it leads into the discussion of clarifying that some body parts are for sharing with friends and family (like hands for holding or arms for hugging) and some are not. They are private to you.
The only reason I would hesitate to teach a daughter that what she is pointing to down there is a vagina, is because it’s really not. What you see on the outside is your vulva (and the various parts, labia, etc.). The vagina is, of course, what’s inside. I think that’s a little complex for a child that young.
I tell my daughter it is her vagina. I feel like being open about it is the best choice. If you try to keep it secretive they will catch on and their interest will be higher, as opposed to if you are just up front. If it seems like a “big person secret” they tend to fixate on it more, especially if they are reading uneasy energy from you.
When our nearly 3 year old started asking questions like “what’s that” and “why [her boy cousin’s] peepee is different than hers”, we decided to explain to her: “You have a vagina, because you are a girl, and [your cousin] has a penis, because he is a boy.” When she asked me and my husband what we had, we told her we are a boy and girl too so we have a penis and a vagina. She hasn’t asked much more about it since…other than when we were changing in the shower house on a camping trip this summer and she said “vagina” and pointed to me.
It doesn’t bother me to tell my kids the truth. We are always very honest with them. I do have to say the sex talk anticipation is making me nervous a little but I am going to be very honest with my kids. I obviously won’t go into excessive detail but I’ll tell her that when a man and a woman are in love, sometimes they have sex together and that is how a baby is put into a mommy’s belly. However, we don’t plan on telling our kids there is a santa because we don’t want to give them some false hope lie and then have them think that we lie about everything when they find out he doesn’t exist…and we are not excessively religious but do believe in God, and plan on explaining that to her as well.
Once again, I feel that telling your kid a lie or being dishonest or uncomfortable with it will just make them more curious and may end up embarrassing you in public. I think they tend to joke about those things more often if they think it is forbidden. [name]Just[/name] my two cents. I am in no way perfect but that is how we plan to go about these things…
We always used the correct names from the day they were born, so it was always totally natural for them. [name]Heaven[/name] forbid that anything should ever happen to one of our children, but most law enforcement officials will tell you it’s better for children to know the actual names than to use cutesy nicknames…that way there is no confusion as to what they mean.
I don’t have kids yet. But my nanny taught me the real name which shocked my mom. When my mom asked my nanny about it she just said “What would you rather I told her it was?” Slang words in most languages just would be worse coming out of a two year olds mouth. Also they are often a bit degrading esp to girls. I think Penis and Vagina or Vulva are perfectly suitable and at least adult nd medical terms.