My husband and I have different last names, so until recently I was set on using my last name as a child’s middle name (I am not big on hyphenated last names, so that’s not an option; plus, our last names sound pretty clunky together). But recently I’ve been thinking of just using a middle name I like that has no significance, especially because I found a middle name for a girl that goes really well with my top girl name contender. On the other hand, I’m torn because I do want my last name in there somewhere, but I’m wondering if a child would dislike having a very surnamey middle name. Also, there would be no potential to call the child by their first and middle name like some parents do, and I’m not sure if I would miss being able to call a daughter, for example, “[name_f]Julia[/name_f] [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f]” rather than “[name_f]Julia[/name_f] Kieslowski” (haha, none of those examples are anywhere near the names I’d use but you get the idea).
I am in a similar sort of predicament. In addition to considering hyphenating our last names, I have also considered giving my surname as a second middle instead of a hyphenated last. I opted for the second middle option because like you, there are names I really like an honour middle names or names I just like and find hard to give up. Luckily my surname sounds a lot like the popular [name_f]McKayla[/name_f] and McKenzie (another McK surname) so it works as another given name easily enough without saddling a baby with a 24 letter hyphenated surname.
However, we haven’t come to a decision on this in any way shape or form, I am just very adamant that for paperwork and convenience purposes that my surname is shared with the child in some way. (It can be difficult to travel solo with a baby that doesn’t share your last name for example!)
You could give her two middle names, one that flows and your last name. That might be a bit long though. Also, if you have more than one kid then what would you do? Would they all get your last name as their middle or would only your first kid? I don’t think that your kid having your last name anywhere in her name is that important. She is just as much your kid either way. If it is really important to you though, then you should definitely use it as a middle. There are other ways of showing your kid you are serious besides saying both their first and middle name.
Honestly, I don’t think that their is any wrong choice here.