Family name for dd - can't find one I like. Please help!

I am really trying to figure out a way to use a family name for our daughter. I am feeling the pressure from DH’s family to use any family name from either side since that is what everyone in their family does. Plus we used a family name for DS and I love telling him about the family connection to his name. However, I just do not love any of our options. Maybe your opinions can give me a different perspective on them, or at least make me feel better if I give up on using a family name as a first name and turn to the baby name book! We live in the south where double names are common (although I am not crazy about them either since I am from the midwest). Last name rhymes with Skelton if that helps.

Double Names:

[name_f]Sarah[/name_f] [name_m]Butler[/name_m]
[name_f]Sarah[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f]
[name_f]Anna[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f]
[name_f]Audra[/name_f] [name_f]Elise[/name_f]
[name_f]Anna[/name_f] [name_m]Moss[/name_m]
[name_f]Audra[/name_f] [name_f]Catherine[/name_f] - double name [name_f]Audra[/name_f] [name_f]Cate[/name_f]

Could use [name_f]Helen[/name_f] for legal first name but [name_f]Lena[/name_f] for a nickname (not crazy about [name_f]Ellie[/name_f] or [name_f]Ella[/name_f]) so these could be double names, too:

[name_f]Lena[/name_f] [name_f]Rose[/name_f]
[name_f]Lena[/name_f] [name_m]Moss[/name_m]

[name_f]Non[/name_f]-double names:

[name_f]Helen[/name_f] - nickname [name_f]Lena[/name_f]. Any others besides [name_f]Ellie[/name_f] or [name_f]Ella[/name_f]?
[name_f]Helene[/name_f] (variant of [name_f]Helen[/name_f]. Can’t use [name_f]Helena[/name_f])
[name_f]Louise[/name_f] - nicknames? Can’t stand the thought of her being called Wheezey
[name_f]Louisa[/name_f]
[name_f]Eloise[/name_f] (instead of [name_f]Louise[/name_f])
[name_f]Elouise[/name_f] (to keep the [name_f]Louise[/name_f] spelling)
[name_f]Audra[/name_f]
[name_f]Betty[/name_f]
[name_f]Debra[/name_f]

Maiden names we could try to use with a nickname or double name?

[name_m]Moss[/name_m]

[name_m]Butler[/name_m]

Engel

Keating

[name_m]Galloway[/name_m]

Kincaid

I like [name_f]Audra[/name_f] [name_f]Elise[/name_f]!

You shoudnt use family names if you dont want to.

But I like [name_f]Audra[/name_f] [name_m]Moss[/name_m].

I think it should be 100% your choice what you name your child. Of course it’s nice to keep family in mind, but in this case you don’t really seem like you want to use any of those options.

What I’d suggest is finding a name you love, and then using the most important family name as a middle name. For example, [name_f]Eliza[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f], [name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] Keating. Surely that would keep them happy, but you could use a name of your choice in the first position? You also get to them talk to your daughter about how part of her name is heavily linked to her heritage, but she also has her own identity too.

As for the double name; would you call her [name_f]Anna[/name_f] [name_m]Moss[/name_m] or [name_f]Audra[/name_f] [name_f]Catherine[/name_f] all the time? Or would she mostly be [name_f]Anna[/name_f]/[name_f]Audra[/name_f] etc? That might be an alternative to using a first and middle name. But I’d avoid using a family name as the first part of the name (so it’s not shortened to that), and I would also avoid using surnames as they’re quite masculine (I don’t know if that’s the ‘done thing’ where you are though, forgive me if it is).

Otherwise; what are the names your husband’s family want you to use? If you could make a list, we could give suggestions for names that honour them, but aren’t quite the same ([name_f]Eloise[/name_f]/[name_f]Louisa[/name_f] instead of [name_f]Louise[/name_f], for instance). If you wanted to honour a [name_f]Betty[/name_f] you could use [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f], [name_f]Lilibet[/name_f], [name_f]Lizbeth[/name_f], [name_f]Elspeth[/name_f] ect.

Back to my point, I think you should have autonomy over the name you give to your baby. I would avoid talking about names to your extended family in all honesty, and keep your ideas quiet until the baby is born (that way they won’t be able to criticize). If they’re becoming more involved than you’d like them to be there’s no harm in telling them politely you don’t really want their input. I really hope you find a name you love!

From the options you listed I like [name_f]Elise[/name_f], [name_f]Eloise[/name_f] or [name_f]Anna[/name_f] the best.

However if you don’t love any of them I’d say don’t use them. I too like the idea of a family connection, I’ve always hated having a ‘filler’ middle name while my brothers middle comes from family but I like that my parents chose my first name because they loved it. Why don’t you pick a first name you love, then honour family with the middle?

You could also pick a name that relates to the family names but a bit more loosely:
[name_f]Ellen[/name_f] (nn. [name_f]Nell[/name_f]) or [name_f]Elena[/name_f] instead of [name_f]Helen[/name_f] (66 International Variations of Helen | Nameberry)
[name_f]Lucy[/name_f], [name_f]Lula[/name_f], [name_u]Luca[/name_u] or [name_f]Lucia[/name_f] instead of [name_f]Louise[/name_f]
[name_f]Zara[/name_f] or [name_f]Sadie[/name_f] for [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] ([name_f]Sadie[/name_f] can be a nn for [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] but can also stand on its own, [name_f]Zara[/name_f] shares the names meaning)
[name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] or [name_f]Bethany[/name_f] for [name_f]Betty[/name_f] ([name_f]Betty[/name_f] can be a nn for these) etc.

The family names that we feel most connected to because they belong to parents or grandparents are:

  1. [name_f]Helen[/name_f] - my grandmother and great grandmother. Maiden names [name_m]York[/name_m] and Jump - not usable.
  2. [name_f]Betty[/name_f] [name_f]Louise[/name_f] - my grandmother I am closest to. Maiden name Carr - not usable. But we can’t use [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] or any variation of that because my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] is [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] and DH’s sister just named her daughter [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Grace[/name_f] after her.
  3. [name_u]Merle[/name_u] [name_f]Audra[/name_f] - DH’s grandmother. She went by [name_u]Merle[/name_u] and I just can’t use that name. Maiden name [name_m]Weaver[/name_m] which I don’t like.
  4. [name_f]Frances[/name_f] Keating - DH’s other grandmother. One of his siblings named her DD [name_f]Mary[/name_f] [name_f]Frances[/name_f] so [name_f]Frances[/name_f] is out. Maiden name Schlater which I also don’t like.
  5. [name_f]Anna[/name_f] [name_f]Irene[/name_f] - my grandma [name_f]Betty[/name_f]'s mother who I never met. She went by [name_f]Irene[/name_f].
  6. [name_f]Debra[/name_f] - my mom. Her maiden name is long and Italian and not usable.
  7. [name_m]Moss[/name_m] - DH’s first name and his grandfather’s name
  8. [name_m]Butler[/name_m] - DH’s middle name, his mom’s maiden name
  9. [name_f]Sara[/name_f] or [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] - DH’s great grandmother
  10. Kincaid, Engel, [name_m]Galloway[/name_m], Dietz - great grandmothers’ maiden names

Using maiden names for first names (Stribling, Weathersby), and double names with masculine 2nd names for girls is very common here - example [name_f]Ann[/name_f] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m], [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] [name_u]Michael[/name_u]. But I haven’t found any I love out of these options. I wish I could use my maiden name but it is long and [name_m]German[/name_m] and is definitely not an option.

And [name_f]Rose[/name_f] was a great aunt of mine who I didn’t even know but I thought it could be used as a middle name since my mom knew her. [name_f]Catherine[/name_f] is my best friend’s name and I’ve always liked that as a middle name, too.

[name_f]Francesca[/name_f] is a nice, frilly variation of [name_f]Frances[/name_f], or is that still too close?

Like [name_f]Francesca[/name_f] Kincaid maybe?

You could use variations of the names you like or maybe names with similar meanings…

I really like the name Louise. I think it’s classic, yet uncommon and very elegant. The nick name weezie is TERRIBLE. I think Lulu or Lola would be adorable nn. Until she grows into Louise.

I also like Zara as an alternative for Sarah.

Here are some combo ideas for first and middles.

Hélène Louise
Louise Elizabeth
Zara Eloise
Louisa Keating
Devorah Audrine
Devorah Moss

Good luck :slight_smile:

You don’t seem to be in love with any of your options. I would start by making a shortlist of first names that both you and your husband love. If they happen to be family names, great! If they aren’t family names, great! [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t discuss name choices with your families. After you and your husband have agreed on a few names you love, then you can worry about what family name to put in the middle spot.

Have you considered digging farther back in your ancestry? There are a lot a [name_m]French[/name_m] surnames associated w/a large Kincaid family out of the St. [name_m]Louis[/name_m] area (if that’s your Kincaid connection).

[name_f]Francesca[/name_f] would also be a connection to my grandfather [name_m]Frank[/name_m] who I loved dearly and died of cancer shortly before our first daughter (his first great-grandchild) was born. Not sure how DH will feel about it - I’ll have to run it by him!

Yes I have gone WAAAYYYY back in both of our family trees. I have an account on ancestry.com and had gotten into family history a few years back. We are not connected with the Kincaid’s in St. [name_m]Louis[/name_m] - no pretty [name_m]French[/name_m] names here! I wish!

You have great names to choose from. We use family names in the middle but not for the first. You should absolutely love the name. I love:

[name_f]Anne[/name_f]
[name_f]Eloise[/name_f]
[name_f]Helen[/name_f]
[name_f]Louisa[/name_f]
[name_f]Elisa[/name_f]
[name_f]Audra[/name_f]
[name_f]Catherine[/name_f]

From all of your options I like [name_f]Audra[/name_f] the best!

This may be a faaaaaarrrr stretch but what about

[name_f]Kinsey[/name_f] Caid - It is a version of Kincaid but girly :slight_smile:

P.S. Engel is my last name which means [name_u]Angel[/name_u] so maybe you could use that somehow?

I really like [name_f]Louisa[/name_f] and [name_f]Audra[/name_f] from your list. What about [name_f]Annabeth[/name_f]? It combines your grandma [name_f]Betty[/name_f] with [name_f]Anna[/name_f] from your great grandma. Or [name_f]Audrey[/name_f]?