Family Naming Politics :S

Boy Names
1

[name]Hi[/name] Everyone,

Thanks so much for your response to my last post. I have always loved [name]Gabriel[/name] as our boys first name. [name]One[/name] slight glitch however, my husbands nephew’s middle name is [name]Gabriel[/name]. He’ll be 10 months old when our little guy is born. Does that mean that [name]Gabriel[/name] is off limits? He lives in [name]Miami[/name] and we live in Toronto, [name]Canada[/name]. We will see eachother once or twice a year tops. The child doesn’t even use the name. Other than the day he was born I have never heard a reference to his middle name at all. Also, [name]Gabriel[/name] is the name of my husbands deceased uncle so it’s a family name. Please help!

[name]Adrienne[/name]

2

If it’s a name you’ve loved forever and it honours a deceased relative, then I don’t see a problem with a distant nephew’s mn being [name]Gabriel[/name]. Go for it!

3

Not at all. It’s totally workable.
My mother’s cousin’s middle name is her first name. (mom’s name is [name]Marjorie[/name], her cousin’s middle is [name]Marjorie[/name]) It’s not an issue at all.

Plus it’s a family name? Use it!

4

If it’s a family name, I definitely think it’s usable! I don’t think you can really call “dibs” in family names, even if you use them first. Was your husband close to his uncle? Was this uncle baby ____ [name]Gabriel[/name]'s grandpa? I think those could change how you using [name]Gabriel[/name] would be received. I could understand why they used it if your nephew’s grandpa is [name]Gabriel[/name], but I could also see you guys using it to honor family if your husband was close to his uncle.

Since it’s a MN, I think you could get away with it, especially since my dad shares the same FN as a few of his cousins. If it still bothers you, maybe talk to them and say you are really loving [name]Gabriel[/name] and want to use it and make sure it wouldn’t bother them.

5

I hear your pain, my very favorite name got used as my nephew’s middle name. My [name]MIL[/name] asked them if they minded us using it anyway, and they didn’t want us to. It still makes me a little mad because my top two names were [name]Caleb[/name] and [name]Micah[/name] and they named their son Mikail [name]Caleb[/name], so now I can’t use either of them. My son is just 10 months younger than my nephew, so we had a really hard time coming up with new names that we loved as well as [name]Caleb[/name] (and part of me wants to use it if we have another son anyway). If you rarely see them, i don’t think it would be a problem. [name]Even[/name] if your nephew suddenly started going by his middle name, it shouldn’t be an issue. We have 3 Davids on one side of our family. It’s a bit confusing at [name]Christmas[/name], but they all have nns so it’s not too bad. You could ask them if they mind, but sometimes it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission :wink:

6

Ugh! It’s so frustrating. I am 33 and this is my first baby. Lots of my friends, family and coworkers have had babies before me. I have 51 first cousins on my side (Irish Catholic)and I am one of the youngest. I feel like all my favourites have been taken already and that I am being left with name scraps!

7

I don’t think it is off limits at all. MNs almost never get used and especially when it is honoring a family member the name belongs to the whole family. I also come from a large family, not as large as yours, I have a mere 23 first cousins lol, and we have several repeats and no one has ever discussed them with the person/person’s parents whose name they were repeating. [name]One[/name] of my sons fns name is a repeat but I wasn’t going to not give him the name I loved just to avoid duplication of a cousin’s name who he would maybe see once a year.

8

Yes, you should use [name]Gabriel[/name]! What a lovely name. I have a big Catholic family, and I understand how hard it is not to repeat a cousin’s or sibling-in-law’s first or middle name; in fact, it’s pretty much impossible! Go for [name]Gabriel[/name]! :slight_smile:

9

There is no such thing as an off-limit name. It’s just a matter of whether or not you care that someone else might be upset because you picked a name they liked.

As for middle names. I honestly almost had a cousin use my middle name on her baby. My middle name is [name]Rose[/name]. I doubt she knew that and thankfully she is choosing something else. I honestly would be upset even though it was my middle name. However, at the same time she has every right to use it. Also the situation is different because no one approves of her having a baby and she is not married yet, but will be. It’s just a bad situation and I would hate to have my name involved in it, even if it is just a middle name, it is still a part of my name. However, if it was a good friend of mine then I think I would be honored.

It really is up to you. There are no rules. If you worried that your husband’s sister/brother will be upset if you use [name]Gabriel[/name], then you might want to talk to them or just be prepared in case they are upset.

10

Actually, I have a little personal insight here.

My name is [name]Stephanie[/name]. I have a younger cousin (probably by about ten months) named [name]Stefan[/name] ([name]Stef[/name]-an, not Stev-en- we both go by [name]Steph[/name]). My aunt asked my mom permission to use the name, and mom didn’t care, so my aunt used it. I was annoyed (mainly at the family [name]Christmas[/name] party) by the fact that my cousin’s name was so similar for probably the first sixteen years of my life. Then I realized that it was incredibly silly to be so annoyed when I only saw him once a year tops.

Now, when I see these kind of stories, my gut reaction would be to ask the parent how they feel about it, and use the name. In the end, it really won’t make much of a difference to anyone involved, particularly if it’s the child’s middle name that is in question. (If the parents were opposed to your use of the name, that would be a different story, but I doubt they would be.)

11

Cousins on my dad’s side amount to 5… YET one has my mn as her first name. It isn’t a family name either. Honestly, I doubt they asked my parent’s ‘permission’ to use it. Mum and dad never mentioned feeling even remotely upset about her name. It never bothered me for a second, actually I have wondered if they either (a) didn’t even know what my mn was or (b) named her after me somehow. [name]Don[/name]'t know that answer, don’t really care.

Use [name]Gabriel[/name]. If they don’t like it bad luck. Especially as it is a family name.

emiliaj

12

I have a cousin on my mom’s side who has the same middle name as me - we’re both named after relatives, but both of them are on the sides of our families we’re not related on (was that confusingly worded? Haha). I don’t see it as a big issue.

13

I see no problems using other family members middle names as first names. I wouldn’t ask for permission either - don’t ask if you don’t want to hear no. I named my daughter [name]Katharine[/name] even though my niece’s mn is [name]Catherine[/name]. I certainly haven’t scratched [name]Elizabeth[/name] and [name]Grace[/name] off my list just b/c they are the middle names of my other 2 nieces.

14

My husband’s name is [name]Nick[/name] and I have ALWAYS wanted to name my son [name]Nick[/name] (from way before I met/married my [name]Nick[/name]). My husband’s best friend named his son [name]Nicholas[/name] and it didn’t bother me at all. Sure, our kids would probably see each other a lot and have the same name, but it didn’t stop me one bit from wanting to use it. Plus, it was technically a “family” name even though that’s not why I wanted to use it.

My husband ended up not letting me use [name]Nicholas[/name] because he didn’t want to pass his name down, so we used it in the middle spot. I still love the name though, and it wouldn’t have stopped me for a second that his best friend used it.

15

I don’t think this should be a problem for you at all. Really, it would be such a shame to pass on a name you love, and a family name at that.

My son’s first name is the same as his cousins middle name. The boys are only 2 years apart and while we don’t live in the same city, we are close. The name they share is their great-grandpa’s name - a man who deserves all the honour two namesakes give him. It is also a cool connection that the two boys share making their bond extra special.

Honestly, we didn’t even ask if it would be ok if we used the name. It is a family name and the cousin doesn’t go by it in anyway other than on paper and maybe if he’s in trouble. They didn’t mind in the slightest, in fact i think they got a real kick out of it. We all have good taste in names after all!

16

I don’t think it’s a problem! My aunt, cousin and I all have the same middle name and didn’t even know it… I think it’s totally okay especially if it’s a family name :slight_smile:

17

Oh, for the love of NAMES! And one in particular… :slight_smile:

We are planning to name our son [name]Gabriel[/name], when we have one, that is. It is familiar, yet not popular; a name with class and a strong Godly meaning :slight_smile: Besides, when my DH and I were discussing our name style, and couldn’t come up with any boys’ names that were “perfect”, we started looking at ourselves, saying, “Our children, as a whole, will be a reflection of us, so their names should be reflections of us as well”. It’s so important that these decisions are made together with your husband, not cousins or extended family. You are the ones who will be hearing and saying little [name]Gabriel[/name]'s name each and every day! YOU will be the ones eating, sleeping, breathing that name… and YOU must make a decision based on your ultimate favorites!

We’ve chosen [name]Gabriel[/name] because my DH’s name is [name]Michael[/name], and can there be a more perfect but subtle reflection of him?? Growing up tho, that had always been a name I loved, but over the years kinda forgot about. I’m so glad that thinking about my husband brought me to a conclusion about the name of our future son. [name]Every[/name] decision as a married couple should be bringing you closer together. If you feel that there will be unbearable issues with your family and his, please consider if you want to pick that battle. But no matter who shares what names, if that name is an extention of you, then your [name]Gabriel[/name] will be yours, and theirs will be theirs.

My own mom and dad wanted to name me [name]Nikki[/name] [name]Marae[/name]. They tried 10 yrs to have me and so I assume they picked that name during that time. My cousin (a boy) is a couple yrs older than me, but upon hearing the name [name]Nikki[/name], my aunt decided she liked that…for her son! So they named him [name]Nicolas[/name] but when I came, I was none other than a [name]Kimmie[/name] ~ named after a sweet little [name]Kimberly[/name] my parents babysat years earlier. And I AM a [name]Kimmie[/name] not a [name]Nikki[/name]!!! So no matter what your story, you will bestow on YOUR child the perfect name, and even if it is different than your original ideas, he will have his own story, his own identity.

I also know of another situation where two pregnant mothers were in the same church. I know the families personally and both their [name]Crystal[/name]'s have graduated from HS now. [name]One[/name] of the mothers supposedly “stole” the other’s name and from that point on, there has always been the slightest division between the women. However, the girls are NOTHING alike and I don’t think this bothered their friendship in the least! Anyone who knows them would never get them confused (altho they were in the same class at school, so just going by [name]Crystal[/name] proved to be a challenge!). [name]One[/name] went by “[name]Red[/name]” for she is a red-head with freckles; the other has long curly brown hair and has found her niche in art and piano. They are both smart, love reading and are spunky, they even played volleyball together, but nevertheless have their own distinct characteristics and personalities. And guess what? They both fit their names perfectly!

So by all means, don’t take our comments and think of it as a poll to see how many ppl think you should use the name or not. But rather, listen to the stories and think about your unique situation, surrounding the joy of you and your husband’s beautiful creation and life together! I, for one, will look forward to hear if you feel “[name]Gabriel[/name]” is reflection enough of YOU to feel confident with, or if you realize that there is another name that extends your son’s story even better!

Blessings for your little family!

18

I think you should totally use Gabriel. I would hesitate it was my nephew’s FIRST name. I would probably ask them how they felt about it if our families were very close. Neither of these circumstances apply in your case, so I wouldn’t worry about it at all.

I planned my whole life to give my daughter the middle name Jane someday. (My late mother was Mary Jane, and my middle name is Jane.) I was a bit chagrined when my B-I-L and S-I-L used it in the middle for their daughter first, but I quickly realized it was no big deal. I used it anyway for my daughter, and it has never even come up as an issue. It helps that we only see that family once a year.

I hope you use the name you love. Gabriel is a fabulous choice!

19

Absolutely not!
My family has re-used several family names:
[name]Sarah[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] --> [name]Elizabeth[/name]
[name]Burke[/name] [name]Katherine[/name] --> [name]Katherine[/name]
It doesn’t cause any trouble.

20

i think you can definitely use it. especially since its your nephews middle name, a family name, and the live in another COUNTRY!