@amandaberry - Thanks! Also wondering, what would happen if I had a midwife and had to have an emergency c-section? Are they capable of doing that, or would I be rushed to the ER?
[name]Cristina[/name] - If you needed an emergency c-section, you would be transfered to a hospital and an OB’s care. Midwives are not surgically trained. This is an important factor to consider as - if this situation were to arise - the amount of time that it may take to be transfered might be outside what you would be comfortable with. And, yes, you could potentially have a water birth at home. You would need to find a homebirth midwife for this, but keep in mind that not all states allow licensed midwives to practice legally. This is something you would need to research for yourself ahead of time. You could potentially have a water birth at a birth center with a midwife as well.
[name]Christina[/name],
I’m not sure about all your concerns, but I figured I would let you know about the issues that I have experience with. I have 2 children and I was extremely nauseous during my first trimester with both (so much so that I lost approx 10 lbs with each), but never once threw up.
I had a 4th degree tear (after an episiotomy) with my first son. This was a result of him being over 10 lbs. I had a drug-free birth, so I found the hour long process of being “repaired” very painful. I would say that the recovery took over a month, but after I recovered I felt completely normal again. Despite my fear of it happening a second time, I opted for a home birth with a midwife for my next baby. In the end, my second delivery was completely free of any complications, and I was back on my feet and feeling pretty good the next day.
I am the only person I know that has had a 4th degree tear. I know several people who have had 2nd degree tears, but I definitely know more people who have never torn at all.
I hope that all this information helps you.
My 2c: I have struggled with anxiety my whole life, and for years in my early 20s I had vomiting bouts. My anxiety is now relatively well-managed, I think it’s a mixture of growing older and more sure of myself and also having courses of therapy, and I don’t have vomiting bouts now. I believe it was the body-mind connection, for me. This is NOT the same as saying “it was all in my head” - one’s head is frigging important, of course it influences one’s body AND vice versa, read around about “the 2nd brain” - i.e., the gut. I’m not one to give anyone else advice, but I am happy to share my experiences and I will say in my own experience, anxiety is a serious beast with emotional and physical complications, and good therapy can be very effective.
I’ve yet to have children, but I’ve known so many friends who have done so with no-to-minimal complications. [name]Even[/name] the ones with some complications recoup’ed in time and found it all worth it. One friend struggled with post partum depression the first time but responded well to short-term medication. The second time around, she had some local doula dry her placenta and make tablets of it, she believes taking those prevented post-partum that time. Not endorsing that per se, but just sharing a point of info I think is very interesting.
Good luck!
[name]Hi[/name], Cristinamariane. I just want to affirm that it’s completely natural to have fears about the very real discomforts of pregnancy and childbirth. I was also very fearful of childbirth, so much so that I told my husband before we got married that I definitely didn’t want to have biological children. I think it’s perfectly natural to be afraid of something painful and new and unpredictable.
Everybody’s pregnancy and birthing experience are so unique, but I will tell you that my own experience was great. (Yeah, over six years of marriage DH managed to change my mind.) I had some nausea but never threw up, my arthritis and back problems went away while I was pregnant, I slept great, and felt generally more at peace about life than I do when I’m not pregnant. No swollen ankles, no weird food cravings.
I did have an epidural, partly because I had so much anxiety about pain. (I have friends whose anxiety around childbirth is more about the medical equipment, needles, etc., and they have opted for birthing centers or home births.) I didn’t feel more than a little pressure when getting the epidural, and never saw the needle (I think that helps). After that, I slept through the entire labor until it was time to push–they literally had to wake me up and tell me it was time to push. 18 minutes later (about five pushes) my beautiful girl was born.
I did have pretty bad tearing–my doctor never told me what “degree” but it took more than six weeks to heal. To me, it wasn’t as bad as my fears about it had been, though. At the time that it happened I didn’t feel a thing–so it was just dealing with the recovery. My recovery was super slow–I was 33, which may have had something to do with it. My sister, who had her son when she was in her twenties, flew across the country and did sightseeing in New [name]York[/name] City four weeks after giving birth.
[name]Hope[/name] this is helpful information for you–I feel like so often you hear the stories about things going wrong and not about the super easy pregnancies and deliveries. I don’t think anybody gets through it without a signficant amount of discomfort, I’ll be honest. But for me it was definitely not the terrible experience I’d been imagining. I’m even planning to do it again, hopefully soon.
I was never really scared of becoming pregnant, but it is hard to imagine something that you’ve never experienced before. I am 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my first child and up to about a week ago my pregnancy was a breeze. I had major acid reflux and a history of panic attacks, depression, and extreme anxiety before I got pregnant. Symptom wise, I was only nauseous twice in early pregnancy and the heartburn didn’t start until about the 30th week, but unlike the acid reflux pains of my past it was just everyday heartburn and went away with a couple Tums. The last few weeks my back has been hurting more, my feet are swelling mildly, its harder to get off the couch/out of the car, etc. but it’s honestly not that bad. I’ve loved being pregnant, it’s been a very positive thing for me.
I have had anxiety about delivery from the beginning. I am absolutely terrified of vaginal birth. And a lot of women will tell you “Oh honey, women have been having babies for thousands of years” “You’ll be so happy to see your baby, all the pain won’t matter afterwards.” blah blah…But it does not ease your fear about it. I completely understand that, I was still scared. With your first child you are walking blind into a situation you have no idea what to expect. It’s scary. That is why from a very early stage, I wanted an elective c-section. You will not believe the hell I’ve been through trying to accomplish getting one. [name]Every[/name] single person I’ve talked to is against it. I have weighed all the pros and cons, read hundreds of stories, researched the subject to the point of exhaustion and I still want one. I feel like it’s the right decision for me. I have felt doctors, nurses, my family, etc are just not listening to me. They are assuming that I’m just scared of childbirth, I’ll get over it. It’s very frustrating. When I think about going into surgery, I feel calm. When I think about going into labor, I have a panic attack. This probably hasn’t helped you, I might have just scared you more but I feel like I needed to give you an honest story from someone who suffers from anxiety about birth like you. Maybe an elective c-section would be right for you too, and my only suggestion is mention it early so just in case you have to fight it out like I have, you’ll have time. [name]Do[/name] all the research you can about pregnancy, childbirth, c-sections, etc. so you will at least feel informed. And another suggestion is that find a doctor that fits who you are, there are no rules about having to see a certain doctor. If you don’t feel like he/she is listening to you, find someone else. You are the mother, your opinion and wants/needs are the most important.
Oh, I just wanted to add one more piece of advice. [name]Don[/name]'t listen to other women about what YOU should do. If you tell them you’re having a c-section and they start with the “Oh, that’s awful why would you want one?” just stop listening. If you tell them you’re thinking about an epidural, natural birth, water birth, etc, they’re always going to have an opinion. I have friends who want home births and the thought has never crossed my mind to criticize their decision. What makes women think they can criticize and make you feel like a bad person because you want to give birth a certain way?? Find the way that sounds the best for you and stick to it, don’t listen to other people’s “horror stories” and opinions.
By the way, you’re completely right about the ripping/tearing thing. I think it is more common than doctors let on, because just about every woman I talk to has torn to some degree, and they’re all shapes and sizes. Not just tiny petite girls. Recovering from a tear doesn’t sound like a walk in the park.
I’m sorry to hear that Elmiron is so expensive for you. It’s too bad we don’t have socialized medicine in this country. I did Elmiron for three months before I had to quit because of a shortage. Elmiron helped me heal up to the point where I only need to do instillations once in a while for a bad flare and not three times a week like I had to do when I first started Elmiron. You should find out if your insurance will cover the instillations. It might not because instillations require a lot of disposable medical supplies, which can be expensive. It’s a little scary at first, but if you can relax your muscles and you trust the person performing the procedure on you it works miraculously. I’m so grateful that my husband is brave and skilled enough to give me my medicine and that my health insurance covers it. I feel so bad for people who don’t have insurance or don’t have insurance that will cover these medications that have changed my life.
I’m glad calcium works for you. [name]Just[/name] be careful you don’t overdo the calcium supplements because you don’t want to give yourself kidney stones. The next time you have a flare try doing yoga, or meditating, or at least take a few deep yogic breaths and see if that helps the pain a little. For me it helps a lot. I’m always amazed at how much of chronic pain is mental. The body and the mind are connected.
[name]Tristan[/name], thanks for the info on midwives.
Logansmom, thank you for your story. With each new comment I like the idea of widwives more than the thought of a hospital birth.
Jesba, your phrase “the 2nd brain” makes sense to me. When my stomach is upset I get this horrible feeling in my mind, it is SO hard to explain. It is like nausea for the head. But yeah, the two are definitely connected, more so than just saying “it’s all in my head,” more like any nausea affects my head.
Jwalling, your first paragraph sums up exactly what I was trying to say. Thank you for understanding. I also wonder if maybe seeing someone give birth would benefit me, or if it would just make it worse. I think it would make it worse though.
Jackielou, I think you understand my fear as well. I also agree that just because women have been doing this since the dawn of time, doesn’t mean I’m any more comforted by people repeating that to me. I conjure up visions of all the women that died during childbirth or ripped all the way through to their butt, and then that phrase means nothing to me. Of course, healthcare is much better now, I am not afraid of dying, I’m just afraid of fourth degree tears. And just because one person’s pain just faded away when they saw their child, doesn’t mean mine will. Anyway, I thought at first that a c-section would be right for me as well, but after researching it a little, I find that I’d rather go with less healing time (which seems to be the general idea I got - c-sections take you longer to heal) and I don’t like the idea of surgery. But I think if that is what you want, no one should tell you otherwise unless it would really risk your/your baby’s health. Which it shouldn’t, since people do it all the time, but I can only guess. But I feel you, because it’s all about your personal preference and what is most comforting, and I want people to respect my decisions as well. Especially if I choose to adopt. But like you having a panic attack thinking about vaginal birth, I do too. I can’t stand the thought of ripping, and being sewn up, thus I freak out.
Also, yeah, people always say ripping isn’t common (or at least 4th degree) but I think it is more common. And the reason why I’m so overly scared of it isn’t just for no reason, it’s because just from having sex (gently, not overkill) I rip. I have tried lubricant but it irritates me no matter what kind it is. I am about to try mineral oil per my doctor’s suggestion. And he isn’t large enough down there for his you-know-what to be the problem. Not to mention I can barely fit a thin tampon up there. If it weren’t for those two things I don’t think I’d be AS freaked out. Sorry for being a little graphic.
@Skylark - If these instillations have anything to do with a catheter, I’m not able/willing to use them. Pretty much, as I understand from what my doctor told me, my skin inside my bladder is so thin it’s almost like it’s not there. When she did a potassium test in my bladder with a catheter to see if I really had IC, I instantly started crying and almost screamed it hurt so bad, I couldn’t even sit still,and that was just from it being put in (before the potassium went in, and I did not have an infection). She took it out asap and was kind of in shock. I also just realized I am “leaking” uncontrollably. I made an appointment for that today.
I wonder if a hormone supplement containing estrogen would be of help to you in regard to intercourse. As one ages the estrogen levels drop and the result can be vaginal dryness so if your levels estrogen need upping it may solve the problem of tearing. An endocrinologist would be the specialist to talk to I think.
I didn’t tell you my birth story because it may have freaked you out. However, here it is, at 35 weeks I was admitted to ICU with a bowel obstruction caused by the adhesions that came along after a gangrenous appendix. In those days they did not like to deliver babies till 36 weeks so it was my lot to suffer excruciating pain without painkillers for a week. I was on the brink of death and when the doctors saw I couldn’t take much more they decided to do a caesarian section after removing the adhesions, that meant I had two specialist surgeons working on me at the same time.
The best thing apart from delivering a healthy baby was the fact that after the operation I was now out of pain but still in ICU.
I was not allowed to hold baby for 10 days and I left hospital first with baby staying for 17 days.
When I was taken by wheelchair down to the nursery to see my baby I had four, yes four separate IV drips attached to me, and the nurses commented that they would not take me in visiting hours because I would scare the visitors.
After this traumatic birth experience both my DH and I decided that it was better to have only one child and a living mother rather than risk my health with another pregnancy.
Time went by and my health very slowly got better, and believe it or not then I thought I would like to have another baby. My DH was very worried about me and it took some time for me to convince him it would be okay because as they say lightning doesn’t strike in the same spot twice.
I fell pregnant again and at only 13 weeks pregnant much to the shock of us all I developed another bowel obstruction due to adhesions, this time they operated at 2am in the morning to remove the adhesions and save my life but I ended up with stitches like a big zip from top to bottom. However, luckily I was able to deliver a healthy baby in due course.
So you see even in the most extreme of birth experiences people overcome their fears to have more children and I wouldn’t call myself an earth mother I am sure I am just the average person, surprising isn’t it what we will do to have a family.
rollo
Personally I think this thread is very inappropriate for this forum. It seems like you really do need professional help to work through your anxiety issues. I do not think you should get this help from strangers on a baby name site. And please, fellow berries, be responsible digital citizens and don’t give medical advice to someone who is clearly needing professional help.
Go to a doctor. Talk to your husband and family. And for God’s sake, don’t get pregnant until you get the help you need.
If your Urologist is still doing a Potassium Sensitivity Test for diagnosis they are a little behind on the times. My current Uro puts a solution in the bladder that will make it feel better if the wall is irritated from IC to determine if IC is causing the problem. He is very cutting edge and I’m so glad I found him. Have you looked for a Uro near you with a good rating on the IC network or google? I found my Uro on the IC network. Leaking is common for ICers. Make sure you’re not drinking any caffeine or eating foods that irritate the bladder. I had leaking when I went running at one point and I quit coffee and did Kegel exercises, which fixed my problem immediately.
[name]Trust[/name] me, I know how much anxiety this pain and restrictive diet can cause. You’re not alone. You will get through it! Fear will only make the pain worse, so try to keep it under control.
@kateinindia . . . The medicine that I have suggested has to be prescribed by a doctor in this country, so there is no need to be worried that she will get it over the counter and use it without a doctor’s advice. Thanks for your concern though.
Skylark, that is very interesting. I will definitely find out more about this solution and possibly find a Uro by checking out the IC network. It really sounds like something I should know about. About the leaking, I’m an avid tea-enthusiast, some of which have caffiene, so I should probably only have those without caffeine. (That’s going to be hard, especially in the morning!) I’ve heard people with IC say the only tea I should have is chamomile tea. IC is taking away every food and beverage I love!!!
I think kateinindia wasn’t talking about the IC suggestions, I think she was being a little moody that people are actually responding to such a “troubled individual.” Why not get advice from REAL women who have done what I’m asking about? You are all real, aren’t you? You’re not robots, are you? lol I don’t know a lot of people in real life to ask my questions to, and I like hearing personal experiences instead of solely what my doctor would say. I’m sorry I want to hear about my worries from other points of view. I’m not getting medical advice from these wonderful berries, I’m getting pregnancy/birthing advice, the same as I would from relatives who have given birth. And kateinindia, unless you are a real doctor that has talked with me in person, that is just your personal opinion. Kjwalton9 was giving me a semi-professional opinion (I say semi because, of course, we haven’t met) but she wasn’t rude about it and assumed I had other fears and worries, which I don’t. I have not been asking if I have a severe anxiety disorder, I haven’t been asking if I should seek professional help, I’ve been asking legitimate questions, like “how many needles are involved?” and “how many of you have experienced ripping?” Also, interstitial cystitis and acid reflux are illnesses a doctor has to diagnose you with, and you do not get them from having anxiety, you basically get them from ingesting too many things with acid (like pasta sauce).
And just for the record, I took a list of my questions to my regular doctor and OB, asked them the original questions I posted here and a few more general questions, and guess what? Neither of them looked at me like I was crazy or refered me to seek mental health specialists. In fact, they said those concerns are perfectly normal. I think it’s natural to be scared of needles the same way some people are scared of bats or elevators, and when you’re pregnant, as someone above mentioned, you just have to deal with it. What I think is rude is to tell someone you’ve never met that they have to seek therapy and that everyone that has put in their two cents is wrong to have shared their personal experiences or opinions, and what is even more rude is to tell someone not to have a baby until they seek professional help. I think you need to learn some manners. But that is just my OPINION.
I also want to mention that everyone who commented has indeed helped me. Of course, I still don’t know if getting pregnant is something I want to do, or even if I can, but hearing all of you has comforted me a little, and you have all (except for the select few) given me info that is helpful. I could have easily done a search on midwives and doulas, or what positions you can give birth in, but I like to see what real people have to say. If I hadn’t written this thread I wouldn’t have heard skylark’s info on IC instillations or about rollo’s daughter having IBD that didn’t affect her pregnancy or amandaberry’s widwife advice, and everyone else’s personal advice that I couldn’t have gotten elsewhere.
I’m glad to hear that you’ve found our responses/advice/personal experiences helpful. I know that I certainly don’t have a access to such a large number of helpful women in my own life (ie in person!), so it’s nice to know that the Momberries Forum is here for that.
I’m sorry your hubby feels unsure of adoption. I’m not adopted, but my 4 siblings are, and I couldn’t imagine it any other way!!!
:o
[name]Hi[/name] there!
I know you have already heard a lot of great stories from the others but I wanted to share mine too since it sounds like each and every story helps you.
First off, I [name]LOVE[/name] being pregnant. I have one daughter who will be two after [name]Christmas[/name], and am about 5 weeks along with #2. WIth my first I was nautious a little bit in the mornings for a few weeks in the first trimester but I never threw up and found that as long as I ate right away in the morning, something with both carbs and protein, I would feel just fine all day. I never got reflux but it is not something I am prone to either. So far this pregnancy I have not really felt pregnant at all. Sometimes food doesn’t really sound good to me, but I am not nautious. My boobs are a little sensitive and that’s about it so far.
With my first I also had some insomnia. I would wake up in the middle of the night and would stay awake for an hour or so thinking (I think partly because I was just so excited) and then I would get hungry. I found it helped if I had milk or icecream before bed so that was a nice solution! 
I am a person who gets some anxiety in general (though not about medical stuff or needles) so I guess this doesn’t surprise me at all that I was awake a lot at night thinking about the baby, names, how I would decorate the nursery, etc.
With my first pregnancy I knew when I had my last period and when I ovulated. Because it was a regular cycle I didnt have to have a blood test to confirm the pregnancy. This time I had an IUD removed first and the cycle was not a regular one before I got pregnant so they did need to do blood work twice to measure HCG levels to help date the pregnancy. Other than that I think the only bloodwork was for the glucose test.
As for delivery, I knew I wanted an epidural. I was a week overdue so they induced me using cervical gel overnight at the hospital. I dialated pretty quickly and began contractions on my own. I believe I did have an IV for all of this. Once the contractions got stong enough that I wanted my epidural, they called the anesthesiologist. For an epidural the needle goes in your back and you cannot see it. I was VERY thankful I got the epidural because it actually allowed me to nap a little more and almost enjoy my birth experience. They do insert a catheter with the epidural, but they do it after you are numb so it is not an added pain. It does mean, though, that you cannot labor in water after that, but honestly I didn’t hurt so I didn’t see a need to labor in other positions or ways.
My labor with [name]Lucia[/name] went very fast and because her heart rate was down they had to use a vacuum and I did get an episiotomy to get her out quickly. Because of the epidural, I didnt even know she had cut me and did not feel the stiches. I will not lie though, once the epidural wore off, the cut healing was fairly painful for a few weeks. I took some pain meds which also means you need to take stool softener, which is DEFINITELY NECESSARY and this time I will be taking all of the colace they will give me
Here are the other great things about being pregnant. It is an amazing experience to feel your baby grow inside of you. People always smile at you and do nice things like hold doors open and give up their seat on the bus. It kind of makes you realize that the world has not gone all cold :). It is also INCREDIBLE to realize what your body is capable of. Once you are a mom, it makes you stronger because you just have to be!
Having said all of that… I just want to say that you need to be supported in whatever choice you make. Whether you choose not to have children, to adopt (there are so many babies in the world wh need wonderful families!) or to have your own baby, there will be pros and cons to your decision. You will need to weigh them and be comfortable with the choice you make knowing that you are making an informed decision. Talking to your husband, OB, family, and others who can help support you (therapist or not) will be important.
I wish you the best!
@erinpurple Thank you for your story. You sound like you love planning. I do too. In fact, I always get ahead of myself and have planned out any possible future child’s bedroom, but I think that is just because of my love for home decorating. I drew pictures of what the rooms in my current house would look like before the purchase was even final!
I didn’t know anything about knowing the date by when you ovulate or HCG levels before your post. I thought you either had to make a rough guess or make your doctor make a rough guess. lol [name]Just[/name] goes to show you what you should know, but don’t because there’s no one to talk to. I have to ask, is cervical gel something you can use to ensure your cervix fully expands? And thanks for reminding me about the IV. I’m good with those, they just hurt like hell when they’re in your hand. In fact, I can deal with needles pretty much anywhere on my body EXCEPT my inner elbow, where they put needles 99% of the time. Go figure. I am also ok with the idea of an epidural, but I hear the needle is huge, which is scary in itself. I’ll probably be good as long as I don’t see it, like you.
But anyways, yes, that is what I intend to do! Make an informed decision! I want to know everything before I make that final decision. Unless we have a little accident, and then the choice is made for me. My husband keeps hoping for that. lol
I loved flavored black tea and jasmine tea before I had IC. I found that the only types of tea I can drink now are mint/peppermint and rooibos. I really like this rooibos from teavana: http://www.teavana.com/the-teas/rooibos-teas/p/rooibos-chai-rooibos-tea (Ingredients: [name]Red[/name] rooibos tea, cinnamon, ginger, lemongrass, cardamom husk & cinnamon flavoring) It’s good by itself or with sugar and milk. Rooibos is a South African plant that is high in anti oxidants, low in tannins, and caffeine free. It’s said to reduce allergies and aid in digestion, but I just like how it tastes and that it doesn’t hurt me. A lot of people are amazed when I turn down even green tea for its trace amounts of caffeine. To me it’s just not worth the pain it could cause. I get jealous when people drink soda, beer, margaritas, coffee, tea, etc in front of me. If I know the person I ask to smell their drink. I stick my nose in the glass and take a big whiff. The scent satisfies my craving. The only time I think I actually needed caffeine as a stimulant was in college and thankfully I didn’t have IC back then.
Loooove rooibos, especially with saffron! I grew up only ever drinking water, never any pop, juice or coffee. But wine…oh, wine, I miss you.