feeling fenced in with our decision!

General Name Discussion
1

hi everyone, I’m 8weeks pregnant, and we have been preparing for our little one for a whole year. During that year, my fiance and I have been quite convinced a little girl will be joining us!! (I’m not sure why)

…because of this, whenever we have mentioned the little one, over the course of a whole year, we have used the name [name]Matilda[/name]. It was a name we found that we liked a year ago, and just started using it…

Now that I’m actually pregnant, Of course it is way too early to know if the little one is going to be a girl or a boy!!

…but I think I’m just feeling a bit frustrated that we have fenced ourselves in in this way, dont get me wrong, we do absolutely [name]LOVE[/name] the name, and feel that the name [name]Matilda[/name] is “ours” …it is familiar… and to be honest, if we have a girl, this will most likely what her name will be.

((btw, this is my second post on nameberry, but in my first post, I found that people in USA think this name is erm, “weird” but we are in the UK, where it seems to be more widely used!)

But I feel this has taken some of the fun out of it for us haha! We have already “decided” what her name is going to be, and I’m not really sure how to explain it, but it feels like… all the lovely names I’m thinking of now are pointless, as [name]Matilda[/name] has been “set” …it is so deeply engained in our minds!

…did anyone else have this sort of thing happen? What did you do, did you end up calling your little one something totally different, and leaving the “pre-pregnancy name” behind? [name]How[/name] did you feel about it, did you regret it?

My mind is a blur of gorgeous names, and I’m not sure if we’ve totally messed up, by calling the little one this, before I fell pregnant! I guess if we have a boy then the problem is solved, haha! …but, just wanted to see what everyone thought about this, as its been on my mind for a while… thanks :slight_smile:

2

You know, this is actually something I have given thought to. I’m not pregnant, not planning a pregnancy, and highly doubtful I’ll ever have children - but when I think of hypothetical children, I think of them by name. My heart has wrapped around the names I’ve chosen, especially my boy’s name which holds extraordinary significance to me. I wonder, however, how I would feel if I were actually pregnant, if [name]Jim[/name] or Everleigh were really, truly going to be people - would I have second thoughts about the names I gave them years ago?

I have no meaningful advice for you, but I’m glad to know I’m not the only person who’s had these thoughts, albeit in a different situation.

3

If you like the name that much, go for it. [name]Don[/name]'t worry, you have enough time to decide. GL!

4

…so glad you have done the same, and that I’m not the only one! I personally started thinking about names a year ago, as I felt that 9months would not be long enough to decide!! (I’m VERY indecisive haha!) …turns out I think the best plan is that people should wait until they’re actually pregnant to even THINK about names, or discussing them with their partners!

…I hope you dont take this as me telling you what to do, but… if I were to humbly offer you some advice, …I’d stop being so “sure” those names are “the ones” for your maybe babies!!! …really, I feel it has restricted our joy in choosing so much! I wish we hadnt started using [name]Matilda[/name], yes, we still like the name, but I feel that name has taken away all other choices!

I really dont know how I feel about this name anymore now, because of this… Yes we still like it, but its taken over our minds, so deeply engrained! its almost like we cant NOT use it, if its a girl! what about all the other beautiful possible names, they just seem unusable now, because of this deeply engrained name! …Maybe I’m just being silly :confused:

5

I suppose I’m in a more fortunate circumstance than you are in this situation, because it’s overwhelmingly likely that the children I’ve named in my head will never come to be, so the argument is moot for me. I’m very attached to my boy’s name; it’s deeply significant on both familial and spiritual grounds. It’s been his name since I was eight, and I’m now 26. If he’d been born when I decided on that name, he’d be in college now. I don’t see doubt coming down the pike on that one if I had to use it, not one whit. My girl’s name, on the other hand…I’m 110% in love with it now, but I wonder if it will lose its luster if she actually comes into being.

It’s a much different situation for you - your little one is coming - and I empathize. The fortunate thing is that you’ve got months to make a firm decision. If you’re wavering on [name]Matilda[/name], maybe you could consider other names that somehow reference or honor [name]Matilda[/name]. Perhaps another M name, or another name that could spawn a [name]Millie[/name]/[name]Tillie[/name] nickname, or even using [name]Matilda[/name] as a middle? That way you wouldn’t be completely squashing this name that’s come to mean so much to you, but still leaving yourself free to explore alternatives. Obviously, if you do that and come back to [name]Matilda[/name] being The Name, then I’d say it’s supposed to be her name :slight_smile:

6

I have been in your situation actually twice now. For our first daughter, I fell in love with the name [name]Autumn[/name] [name]Grace[/name] eleven years before she was born. That was even before I started dating my husband, and one of the “conditions” to us getting married was that our first daughter have that name. While I didn’t have the fun of picking out a name, I never wavered at all from that decision. I still read through the naming books, but nothing struck me as much. Now, eight years after she was born, I still love her name and smile when I say it.

Right now we are pregnant with our fifth child (not sure yet, but we have our fingers crossed that this will be our second girl.) When I was pregnant with my first son thirteen years ago, my husband and I picked out [name]Hope[/name] for our second daugther. But as soon as I found out that I was pregnant that name lost its appeal to me. Which is kind of sad since my husband and I and even our children have thought of this daughter as [name]Hope[/name] [name]Evangeline[/name] for years now. But I am almost 100% certain that won’t be her first name. It just doesn’t feel right. It has become a distinctive possibility for her middle name though. I think that the fact that you are no longer feeling sure about your daughter’s name is a sign that you should open yourself up to other possibilities. If it was the only perfect choice you wouldn’t be feeling doubts. That isn’t saying that you won’t examine all your options and still come back to [name]Matilda[/name] as the best choice. But I think you shouldn’t limit yourselves this early in your pregnancy.

7

I am American, and I wouldn’t think [name]Matilda[/name] is weird. It’s not a personal favorite, but I’d be happy to meet a little [name]Matilda[/name]. I would think the parents were good namers.

Also, at 8 weeks, you have plenty of time to decide on a name. The name we thought we would give our daughter ([name]Violet[/name]) turned out to be her middle name ([name]Silvia[/name] [name]Violet[/name]) because [name]Silvia[/name] sounded better with our last name.

8

All of this.

I love the name [name]Matilda[/name]. I don’t think it’s “weird” at all.

If it’d make you feel better, I’d take a look through a name book and see if there’s anything you like more than [name]Matilda[/name]. If something strikes your fancy, add it to your list and once your child is born, if it is a girl, take your time to decide whether or not she’s a [name]Matilda[/name] or an [name]Isabella[/name] (random name obviously).

9

I think once you know if it is a boy or a girl, and want to call the baby by that name, it’s not a big deal. You just might have a hard time calling the baby by a boys’ name if it turns out to be a boy since you’ve been calling “it” [name]Matilda[/name].

I think [name]Matilda[/name] is a perfectly lovely name.

10

Sort of a similar situation… When we first got pregnant, I suggested [name]Claire[/name] and DH agreed immediately. We had a girl name the day we found out we were expecting! So, of course, it was a boy. We had discussed [name]Elias[/name] early on in our relationship but weren’t set, so we went through eight months of (friendly) arguing and pouring through lists before we settled on… [name]Elias[/name]. So in that case, we went full circle.

We assumed that [name]Claire[/name] would be our girl name the next time around and when we got pregnant again, went as far as telling people it would probably be [name]Claire[/name] if it was a girl. This time, we found out the sex and it WAS a girl! Almost immediately, I had doubts. I LIKE the name [name]Claire[/name], but the longer the pregnancy went on, the more certain I became that it just wasn’t THIS baby’s name. Part of it was the fact that I felt like we were just handing her a name we had chosen for her brother and he hasn’t needed, like a second-hand name. We hadn’t chosen a name for HER, just had one lying around. The middle name was an honour name so that wasn’t changing. I convinced DH to add a second middle and started looking through books and lists. When I came across THE name, I just knew. So I brought it to DH and he was surprisingly receptive. He was actually hoping to add his mother’s name as a second middle and willing to let me choose the first name (as long as he also liked it) if we could do that.

So we dropped [name]Claire[/name] completely and went with [name]Ivy[/name] Efthalia [name]Marie[/name]. And it is perfect. She just IS an [name]Ivy[/name].

We may use [name]Claire[/name] or [name]Clara[/name] for a future daughter if we have one but I don’t regret for a moment letting it go for this baby.

So I would look around and, who knows, you may come right back to [name]Mathilda[/name]. Or you may not. Have fun and enjoy looking!

11

For our eldest daughter the moment my husband saw the name of both his grandmothers ([name]Agnes[/name]) at the top of my list it was never really in doubt but we still had months of fun discussing names on film credits, from books, anywhere and everywhere, but I think knowing there was one name we both loved to come back to if we didn’t find one we liked more took the pressure off and made it more enjoyable.

For our second daughter the family tree was less inspiring for girls (but yielded the wonderful [name]Godfrey[/name] for a boy) and that’s how I discovered Nameberry. Still ended up with a name I’d loved since my English teacher had it when I was a teen…