Final Pregnancy: Sudden Obsession with Twins

Momberries
#1

I have never been someone who longs for twins. I’ve cared for infant/toddler twins both as a nanny and a babysitter and actually quite enjoyed my experiences with those families. But I always knew that singleton is the gold standard of starting off a healthy pregnancy/birth/postpartum and that is what I most wanted. I’m a very evidence-based risk-aversion-driven person so in my quest for a healthy pregnancy I legitimately aimed for one full-term baby at a time.

But now that I’m brushing up against trying for my LAST pregnancy, I find myself suddenly OBSESSED with twins and even strongly hoping that I might have twins. Any advice?

Knowing that I’m into the odds and whatnot… I don’t have much of a chance of actually having twins. And I know that. I’m 28. I specifically spaced my pregnancies (this was conscious and deliberate). I’ve never used any fertility drugs or needed any reproductive assistance. And twins don’t run in my family (I think I have to go back like 5 generations to find even one set of twins).

But, I’m tall-ish (5’9"), have a BMI just under 27, and the taller and heavier you are the greater chances of naturally conceiving twins. I have had one pregnancy before and the more babies you have the more likely they become (though that may be mostly a function of the extra years/age). I regularly eat full-fat dairy and starchy root vegetables. So part of me is irrationally hoping…

I don’t even know that it is hoping… but hoping not hoping? Idk, so much is a jumble. Does everyone have such a hard time adjusting to the idea of being DONE having babies? I did always want 4, but my husband didn’t. We compromised with the plan of two biological babies, one adopted infant and later on adopting a teenager so we will (in like 10-15 years) have four children. I have been legitimately excited about that plan/compromise for a long time. But now… why is this so hard?

#2

first of all, congratulations!

everyone’s reasons can be different. though it is high risk, some people want twins anyway, because of several things. the couple may be older, therefore closer to the end of their childbearing or child raising years, and are willing to deal with the challenges of twins in order to start their ideal sized family sooner. some want to have children very close in age to each other (can’t get much closer than born on the same day lol). Some have had twins in their family or taken care of them and had such fond experiences that the idea of twins excites them (sounds like that might be the case for yourself) and still others just love the idea of 2 newbie bellies and 20 baby toes! It sounds like you’re struggling with accepting that this would be your last pregnancy, and I would bet 95% of moms have felt this way. Knowing it will be the last time you experience the newbie stage, you might want two so you feel like you can experience it double :heart: it’s okay to want twins but also want a low risk pregnancy and know that is less likely with two. us humans are complicated creatures who often want two things that conflict with each other at the same time! In this case, literally two things lol :heart:

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#3

I’m having a hard time with the fact that this is my last time too. It’s weird to be closing a door on that part of my life. I always thought I would have twins because my great grandmother had twins and nobody since has had any. One of them, my uncle, was my favourite family member of them all, and he died somewhat young and childless. We were very close and I was always sort of his, if that makes sense. So part of me has wanted and expected I’d have twins every pregnancy, but I never have. Now there’s part of me that still feels that way coupled with “could I even manage twins?” as that would mean five children under six for me! But I’ll admit I’ve thought of it again and I’m not even pregnant yet. I’ve played with it like you have: I’m 34, my BMI is 29, this would be my fifth pregnancy–and with each baby (and increase in age) those facts have leaned further toward the possibility of twins. But I think it’s just because of my uncle mostly that I want them. I want that connection to him. And I’ve been doing the “this is the last time” thing already. This is the “last” ovulation we try, this is the last TWW, this will be the last positive test and all the emotions that come from that–just trying to mentally prepare myself because I want to feel done after this. I have to be done and I want to feel done too. I’m sure many mothers feel that way as they complete their families. I can only say wait and see what happens for you. Maybe you’ll get them! Maybe you won’t. But try and do whatever you need to do to be okay that your family will be (almost) complete (as you plan to adopt later). I wish you luck with that and I’m here if you ever want to talk about it.

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#4

I’m not a mother yet, but I feel similarly. I’ve always wanted twins since I was really little. I’m not really sure what the chances actually are for me as apparently twins skip a generation and my own parents had twins, and realistically twins would be more difficult than a single baby (not just in pregnancy, a lot of things that would otherwise be handed down will need to be bought twice etc).
Hopefully your last pregnancy turns out well, however many babies you have!

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#5

I have had these thoughts (wishes?) as well, even though I am well aware that it would make everything harder and more exhausting (and we wouldn’t fit two babies in our current little house very well!) I think it partly has to do with a feeling of “getting it done quicker”, if that makes sense… a “why have one when you can have two and get closer to your goal” kind of thing. Also, babies are adorable and double the cute comes across as heavenly (despite being double all the other less glossy parts as well). In short, there is zero logic for me, I think it’s all hormones talking! :joy::woman_shrugging::blush:

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#6

A part of me would like twins… I’ve always been a little fascinated with them, possibly because I saw a tv series about conjoined twins as a kid, or because I was told my Dad was a (fraternal) twin and there was an extra air of mystery around his twin given she estranged herself from the family and I never met her… or maybe because I was the youngest and a bit lonely as a kid being introvert, and wished I had a twin as a friend.

As an adult, the only good reasons I can see are -

  • definite extra kid (partner’s now talking about stopping at 2 whereas I think I still want 3)
  • knowing I’m naming the rest of my family at the time of naming them so I can choose KNOWING that they’ll be my only boy or last girl etc… such a silly reason, I know!
  • double the cuteness at the same time (and getting to choose outfits - we’ve got lots of cute hand me down clothes but I feel like most never got enough use cause kids grow too fast)
  • two kids for only one pregnancy, and sort of one birth - morning sickness sucked, birth was awful, and pregnancy was super stressful last time round.

But yeh, the logical part of me knows that it’d be a high risk scary pregnancy that I’m already at risk of with a single baby, and the twins I know with learning needs or where one’s got cerebral palsy due to birth complications show how dangerous it can be… and holy hell, how the heck I’d survive the newborn phase at all, let alone bed-share with two… yikes.

I can totally understand wanting them badly with it being your last pregnancy though. I think there’s a bit of biological drive to have your own kids and to see that combo of your and your partner’s genes. Being faced with the last child would be super-hard.

#7

Thanks for this. I definitely need permission to want many things simultaneously, and to want something with my head while wanting something else with my heart.

I am having many of these same feelings as we prepare to TTC. What a wild ride. I hope you get pregnant before I do since you’re TTC now and I’ve still got 3 months left, but it would be selfishly nice to experience the lasts together.

Eek, I’m sorry you had a rough go of it last time. Other than awful morning sickness I was lucky to have had an amazing pregnancy, birth, and postpartum period with my eldest. So part of me is even hesitant to fully want twins knowing that it would likely be a much harder pregnancy regardless of complications. And the other part of me is ‘well, I already had the rainbows and kittens version. I could be satisfied with something a bit more challenging and see what that’s like.’ Of course logically I want another amazing pregnancy, birth, and postpartum but perhaps my previous experience eggs me on and makes me more courageous not really knowing what it would be like on the other side.

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#8

I did just really talk through the possibility/irrational desire with my partner. He said he will be happy with whatever happens, but he also wasn’t at all negative about the augmentation from 3 to 4. He said, “Well. It would serve me right for saying three was my max for the littles, knowing you have always wanted four. We could have the house full of boys you wanted. Or else we could have the three boys of your vision and still not miss out on being girl parents. Or we could have an even split of two girls, two boys. Any which way it sounds awesome and I don’t think you’re crazy for fantasizing about it.”

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#9

Aww :blush: I love his response and approach. [name_m]How[/name_m] open and gracious. Now I kinda hope you get your twins haha! :wink::grin:

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#10

It could still happen! I think most people we personally know who have multiples were not particularly tall or heavy, did not belong to a specific ethnic group or were not at an advanced maternal age. We didn’t have any of the “most likely to have twins” qualities and we still got them. So never say never!

Following your adoption plans, you could come across twin siblings to bring hope rather than give birth to them :blush: how sweet would that be? And you could help a little family stay together!

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#11

I just checked the database at Adoptuskids.org and currently there are at least 7 teenage sets of twins available for adoption in the US right now (waiting child adoption, not counting those who may be working their way through the foster care system) – two sets in our neighboring state. I hadn’t really thought of this possibility before. Something to consider in the future, particularly if I find myself disappointed about not having twins after our final pregnancy (this feeling might go away, after all).

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#12

I’m so glad you looked it up and think of the possibility as an alternative to having twins :wink: a little fun pair may be on the cards for your family, one way or the other.

#13

I think it’s the wistful part of the nesting process, getting ready for the end of the childbearing years. It’s bittersweet, I can completely understand the stress and heartache of getting ready to be done, but wanting double the blessing in the process.

The idea to adopt twins is a creative one! It’s not the same as having 2 littles to dress and play with, but the sentiment of a pair with a strong connection is there.

Good luck with whatever life brings you in this regard. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if it’s a singleton for now!