Find out what it is? Or keep it a secret?

My husbands family traditionally keeps it a secret. I’m indifferent because I prefer the gender neutral colors.

What’s your reason for not finding out the gender?

What’s your reason for finding out the gender?


No kids yet, but I’m fairly indecisive on whether or not I will find out, when I get to that stage in my life (I’m in college…so probably 3-5 years away, unless it happens earlier). Part of me would like to find out and I know that pretty much everyone in our families will be pressuring us to find out. I guess I don’t have any real pressing need to find out what it would be. I like gender neutral things, even though my fiance is colorblind and can’t tell gender neutral colors apart, so that may be problematic. I’m not huge on having volumes of pink frilly things or a stockpile of every kind of sports ball you can imagine. I don’t want that to distract from things I actually will need for the baby…for instance, I don’t need 40 headbands, I’ll need wipes or diapers. Names…no need to find out ahead of time for the sake of naming, for us, either. We’ll probably just settle on a couple names for each sex and make the decision once the baby’s born.

Anyhow, the way I see it, you find out what it is sooner or later. Either at an ultrasound or at birth. It’s special either way and people should choose what is right for them, regardless of what others may want them to do.

I found out ahead of time and was glad I did. It wasn’t about nursing colors, baby names or family curiosity. it was about bonding with my child even before he was born. It was thinking in terms of a real person, a “he” rather than an amorphous “it” or the baby.

I’ve always wanted to keep it a secret and find out at birth. The anticipation would build and would be much more exciting to find out then. My family always take bets on what the sex will be (it’s a big family, happens a lot) and it’s always a great topic of discussion. But I think it’s just that I don’t want to know. I have no need to find out until the birth. I only want to know whether they’re healthy or not. Ultimately, there’s no real reason for me not to find out earlier, I just don’t want to.

I’m about to start a university degree to study sonography. So by the time I actually get around to having children, I’m not sure how I’d keep it a secret during the ultrasound aha.

EDIT: However, I think @paw has a very good point about bonding with him/her rather than it/the baby.

No kids yet, but I definitely want to find out before the birth. Not so much because I want to decorate their room in pink or blue (I want them to have gender neutral rooms), but because I’m so impatient and I don’t think I could hold out until the birth without going completely insane first. I’m also really indecisive when it comes to names, so finding out the birth would help me in terms of just focusing on girl or boy names rather than both.

I’m finding out if I possibly can! Because I’m impatient and curious and I want to stop calling it ‘it’ - I find it awkward.

I’m also very much team gender neutral, as far as possible I won’t be gendering my baby (apart from with the name.). Until he/she’s old enough to express a preference in terms of colours/toys/activities, I’m going to try and expose her/him to a nice wide variety!

So for me it’s not at all about colour-coding, although I do think it will be helpful with the naming. The last thing I’m going to do if I find out it’s a boy is rush out and buy a whole load of blue clothing with trucks and footballs on it, I’m just so curious to find out more about this little person inside me! I want to be able to picture myself with my son, or my daughter. I think it will help me feel more like this is a real human being. Being pregnant is very surreal for me, especially at this stage when I’m not really showing or feeling movement much. It’s still a bit hard to believe that it is actually true, although of course I’ve seen a lot of evidence by this point!

Also it’s nice to have a note of excitement at the half-way point I think. I don’t see that I’m ruining a surprise in any way. It will be a surprise whether I find out at the ultrasound or in the delivery room. Of course the most important thing is that it’s healthy, but it’s nice to have a bit of fun on top of the serious stuff - there’s enough anxiety and worrying in pregnancy, this is one thing you can find out that’s good news either way!

I would want to find out just because I could.

I have given it a fair bit of thought.
We will definitely find out for the first, gender neutrality be damned, I want a pink nursery if it is a girl, and if in a few years, she hates it and wants a blue one, it’s only paint! I had pink bedrooms in every house we ever lived in, but that didn’t stop me from playing “boy” games with my older brothers and being whatever I wanted to be!

I am a total planner and simply would need to know, not knowing would be the worst! I also think that I will hope too hard one way or the other throughout the pregnancy, and would hate to be disappointed in the moment that should be so happy! (I don’t currently have a preference between a son or a daughter, but a lot of moms get a ‘feeling’ that can be so strong, and what if it is wrong?!)
If we end up having more than two children, and already have a boy and a girl, I think I would let the third be a surprise! [name_m]Just[/name_m] for the experience!

I was leaning towards waiting, but my husband wanted to find out, so that he could better bond with the baby. It’s really surreal for fathers, there’s nothing physically happening to them (and those that don’t carry their own baby), so I honoured his desire, had our midwife tell just me and made it a big reveal for him. And then for our family. So we got to celebrate the gender at the halfway point and believe me, nothing takes away from the magic of meeting your baby for the first time, whether you know the gender or not.

On a practical level, it did help to narrow down our discussions of names to just girls. We didn’t want to name her before birth, just take a shortlist to meet her. And we always said ‘probably ‘her’’…

Sometimes the ultrasound technician is wrong! That happened to our best friends just months before our DD was born. They were told ‘girl’ and out came a boy! We thought it was a joke when they announced HIM. So now everyone in our circle says ‘it’s LIKELY a boy/girl’ :wink:

If we’re lucky enough to have another child, I’m leaning towards waiting, just to have both experiences. Although, I’ve heard it helps older siblings bond if they can say their baby brother or sister is in there? So we’ll see.

I had to know right away! I wanted to know who was in my belly, settle on a name, plan the nursery, get the right clothes etc.

I’m not having any children any time soon! I’m just a teenager however when the time comes for me to reproduce I probably will want to find out the gender (I’m impatient) and I will tell my family and friends the gender too. However I won’t tell them the name of my baby until they meet him or her.

I won’t to do it this way because this is what my Aunt did when she gave birth to my two cousins! And I really like this way of doing this because I think it holds more suspense when waiting to find out the name of him or her.

I’m nowhere close to having kids anytime soon, but I recently decided if I ever do have kids of my own I will not find out their sex before birth. The main reason is because I kind of want to just imagine my child as a baby before its born. Not a little girl full of sugar and spice, or a rough and tumble boy, just a baby who needs its mama. I just think thats the best way to go for me.I’m also just not a fan of the typical blue for boys, pink for girls so I like the idea of keeping it neutral.

I would love to keep the gender a surprise when the time comes. However, those near and dear to me probably feel otherwise. I recently had this conversation with my sister and she was not excited about the idea at all. She said she would rather I have the gender sealed in an envelope and given to her, so that only she would know and would be able to get “everything we need for a little girl or a little boy.” I told her I could just buy some for both and return what we don’t need. I guess it will depend what the baby’s father wants. I’m a bit neutral on the topic, so if he is willing to wait with me, great, and if he wants to know, I won’t be that upset.

With number one we were so sure we didn’t want to find out but as soon as I walked in for the 20 week scan I just had to know! Haha

Now with this one we will find out just because we did with number one.

I don’t care to know. I’m not the type who wants to decorate or purchase pink/blue stuff nor do I want to chose a name before birth. I’m also very much against the pink/blue thing so keeping the gender secret means I won’t be inundated with gendered gifts. My cousin kept the gender secret so at her baby shower all the gifts were in neutral colors- beige, yellow, green. However, if it’s really important to my partner or my mom, then I’ll let them know after they’re sworn to secrecy

As for bonding, the kid is living inside of me so of course we’ll bond. Women before the invention of sonography managed just fine. Plus, I personally know two cases where moms were initially told the wrong gender. They bought pink/blue stuff and decorated their nurseries only to find out near the end of the pregnancy that they were having the opposite gender. And this wasn’t ages ago- one child is now 5 and the other is 8.

I had to know and for this next baby I will be the same way. Not for decoration purposes, but because there are so many changes and unknowns while you are pregnant that it was so nice to have one less thing to wonder about. Plus I liked mentally preparing for a boy because I was mildly hoping for a girl and I was SO EXCITED when the doctor yelled out, “It’s a boy!” It didn’t matter that I already knew he was a boy, it was still so cool.

[name_m]Don[/name_m]'t find out! I didn’t find out the gender for all 3 of my babies, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. The curiosity killed me for each and every pregnancy, but I loved the unknown, surprise factor of waiting until delivery. And honestly, after labour and delivery, you are so thrilled that it is over and baby is healthy and crying that no matter what the sex, you are thoroughly thrilled and excited. It was such a great experience, and I couldn’t imagine finding out in an ultra-sound room with a technician.

Best of luck!

We are not finding out because I think it will be a fun surprise to have at the end of our infertility journey, and it saves me from buying a bunch of stuff that I don’t need every single time I go to the store. :slight_smile:

Totally agree with this. Plus I’m also way to impatient and nosy… had to know every time. BUT, with my 3rd, when it got to the 20 week scan I did feel REALLY excited, like maybe I could go another 20 weeks feeling this excited about finding out. So I do get the waiting, it has it’s charms! I would just never do it.

I think I’ll want to know as soon as possible. I do like gender neutral things and I don’t like to sound sexist with the whole thing, but I have ideas for what a boy or girl nursery would look like. I like pinks and yellows and whites for girls, but baby blues and browns for boys. I’d also want to start making a baby book right away, but I’d probably want that themed a certain way as well.