I’ll preface this by saying that I’m not pregnant, and don’t plan on being pregnant for a few years, but I often think about how I’ll do things when I do get pregnant. [name]One[/name] of the things I’ve thought about is finding out the gender.
I think that waiting until the birth is very exciting, and possibly adds a little more magic to that moment, but it’s a little impractical. As much as I like to think that I’d be able to wait until the birth, I know that I’m rather impatient and there’s a very strong possibility that I’ll crack before then. Plus, I’m a planner already, so I know that I’ll want to have the nursery already done before the baby comes. Obviously gender neutral colors/themes will allow for this, of course, but it’s not quite the same. And then there’s the pain of picking out two definite names instead of just one.
Basically, I’m wondering what your thoughts are on finding out the gender prior to birth. Are there pros and cons? Did you regret your decision to find out/not find out? Did anyone plan on waiting but just couldn’t do it? Thanks!
I found out the gender of my baby on [name]Monday[/name] (at the 20 week mark) and I couldn’t wait to find out! The reason I wanted to, is, like you I’m impatient and I’m also a bit obsessive about organization. Although I’m doing our baby’s nursery in gender neutral colors, I wanted to be emotionally prepared as well as having everything in order for a boy / girl whatever the case may have been.
Now that I know it’s a boy… I’ve been able to buy him some adorable ‘boy’ clothes for up to 12 months old- I know that life will be so hectic when baby comes that I probably won’t have as much time to shop then so I’d like to get a lot of it out of the way already! I can also start stocking up on ‘boy toys’!
I don’t regret my decision at all to find out- it’s also pleased my husband no end (as he desperately wanted a son first!) and he’s happier than ever about our baby arriving
I haven’t had children yet so sorry for butting in, but I am confident that I will find out the gender of all of my babies, but not because I want to buy pink or blue clothes - because I am adamant that I am not being stereotypical - but because I am really impatient and I would need to narrow down my name list just to one gender and I know I would probably be going nuts over a name.
I won’t be having children for a few years either, but I’m sure that I won’t find out the gender. I don’t really see the need to and I’d like it to be a surprise, like it’s meant to be I’m quite chilled about the need to be prepared- nursery, clothes etc would all be ‘gender-neutral’ anyway. And I’m sure there’d be more than enough time to narrow down name lists for both genders beforehand.
I found out. I think gendering the baby helps turn him/her into a person (it’s quite difficult to think of a human being without automatically assigning them to a gender, but I’m not some postmodern deconstructuralist gender theorist or anything). It was easier and more exciting to think about expecting [name]Antoine[/name], a little boy, rather than [name]Baby[/name]. It’s especially heady once you pass the 24-week viability mark.
I really loathe and despite infantile things, so my nursery preparation consisted of an antique Herati carpet, a glam 70s brutalist mirrored dresser, and a brass cradle. Could have gone either way. Nursery prep and buying Disney princess onesies were definitely not considerations for me.
I’m currently pregnant with our second child, a daughter. We have a son and I was so excited I HAD to find out the gender! I wanted to pick out names, decorate the nursery, and just get super excited for the big day! I have a friend who wanted to be surprised but eventually gave in because she didn’t feel like she was connecting to the baby by not knowing the gender. This may not be the same for everyone, and I wouldn’t know because I’ve known the gender for every pregnancy. However, I think either way has its own pros and cons. In the end, it’s your choice!
I don’t have children yet but will almost definitely find out the gender to make naming easier and like [name]Blade[/name] said, for me I can’t think about calling my child, [name]Baby[/name] for 9 months. My baby seems much more like a concept than saying my son or my daughter. It makes them seem more real.
And as for nurseries I can’t really say I can make an actual nursery as SO is enlisted in the Marines and will probably still be enlisted when we have children so there’s no painting our anything. The most gender specific thing will be clothes and maybe like race car or football sheets.
Sorry for butting in (I’m only 13!) but I love thinking about being a mom in the far future! I would like to think I wouldn’t choose to find out. I kind of find it special having a list of names and being able to look at your baby and choosing the name that you love the most (Like having 5 boy names and 5 girl names with middles attached by your side during the birth). I find that very magical. I also know I won’t be going the blue is for boy and pink is for girl nursery route so I wouldn’t have to worry about that personally.
We waited until our son was born to find out he was a boy. Its funny though because from about 16weeks I had the strongest feeling he was a boy - I didnt set my heart on it though! We thought that it was one of few things in our lives where the suprise would be great either way. We discussed it and neither of us minded if we did or didnt find out so we figured that if we were both on the fence we may as well enjoy the suprise! However, for our second Im having second thoughts about not finding out again…I am impatient (in the first pregnancy it was so hard not to give in and find out), and I love being organised and prepared. Im not even pregnant yet (that we know of) and Im on the hunt for the next perfect name!
Well, I am a postmodern deconstructivist gender theorist (as pertaining to political conflict) … But I agree with [name]Blade[/name]. Trying to conceptualize. “the baby” as either “[name]Cavan[/name]” or “[name]Caoimhe[/name]” is like trying to resolve the question of Schrodinger’s [name]Cat[/name]: both states exist with the same probability until you open the box. Paradoxes are fun, but this one does my head in. So, in other words, we’re finding out in 4 weeks
I wanted to know, but y boyfriend did not so we won’t know until [name]Baby[/name] is here! I think it’s really exciting, one more thing to look forward to! It’s also fun, our friend are betting on what it is. So there’s money in it for some of them, haha!
I don’t think it’s necessary to know for any reason except for the name. We won’t decide until [name]Baby[/name] is here anyway, we want to meet the little one before we make that decision. As for clothes and nursery, I don’t believe any colour belongs to either gender. No matter what our baby will have mostly white clothes, some lilac, pale pink, blue/greenish, pale sweet yellow. The nursery has gorgeous ivory walls (I’m working on a fairytale wall mural on one of the walls), the ceiling is painted like the sky, the furniture and mirror are antiques. So the room will suit either gender. I mist confess I’ve bought some little dresses and a tiny fur coat for a girl, but I’ll either give it away to some friends or save it for the next baby if this one is a boy.
I’m another butter-inner, but I want to find out the gender. I want to pick out name possibilities, refer to the baby as he or she, and just enjoy knowing and planning.
The previous owners of our house painted their kid’s room with blue stripes and I love them! So it’s staying that way when we have a baby. Who says a girl can’t have a blue room? Especially since blue used to be the color for baby girls and pink for boys.
Personally I waited to find out with [name]Eldon[/name] and we’re also waiting this time around. I don’t think either way is better. It just depends on your personality. I love surprises and I think after all the pain and pushing I want an exciting reveal at the end.
Also years ago, my aunt was told she was having a girl so she got pink everything and ended up having a boy. Now I’m sure technology has greatly improved since then and that type of mistake is extremely rare or non-existent now, but knowing me if I found out I’d be paranoid and still pick out two names and decorate the nursery in neutral colors “just in case”. Plus I’m not a huge fan of doing all blue or pink anyway.
Also I had no trouble connecting with [name]Eldon[/name] when he was in the womb. Keeping his gender a secret didn’t cause me to feel detached or distant toward my baby. But I suppose if you’re having that trouble, finding out the gender would be beneficial.
@[name]Ottilie[/name]- Your baby’s nursery sounds amazing!
I haven’t found out with my 3 and won’t find out with this one. I like the surprise, I like imagining having a boy and a girl, how they will fit into our family. I like having to pick 2 (or more) sets of names. I don’t buy blue or pink clothes, I buy bright reds, turquoise, green, yellows which I have used for my boys and girl. People end up buying you so many clothes after baby arrives it no big deal to buy a bunch of bright babygros and then go shopping for proper clothes once they’re older. I don’t dress them in dresses or trousers until they are older anyway. I decorated the nursery in green and yellow with a Pooh [name]Bear[/name] theme, so it worked for either gender, I really dislike pushing your child into stereotypes though my DD has turned out pink and princessy of her own choice.
Not knowing has never affected my ability to bond with my children either. Babies are so genderless when they’re born that I can see boy or girl characteristics until they are much older, I like that I don’t have preconceived ideas of what they will be like just because I know their gender.
And best of all, I love having DP tell me if we’ve had a boy or a girl right after the birth, not some rushed unexcited sonographer.
I knew someone who announced the gender, the name and the date of her c-section. Not much surprise there then. Ooh, what’s the weight.
I found out with my first. It was important to me for a variety of reasons. I also didn’t understand why someone would want to wait until the birth when they didn’t have to! With my second, I decided to try the whole waiting until birth thing and I loved it! There was no going back for me. Number three, however, had different plans and flashed us the second the wand hit my belly. I was disappointed about that. Now I am expecting number four and happily made it through the ultrasound without a peek! I have three boys, but I figure that if this one is a girl, I have lots of pale blue, yellow, and green clothes that would work fine for a girl as well until I can fill a closet with girl clothes, which I’m thinking really won’t take long considering that stores will not close and there is always internet shopping if I don’t feel up to going out! Decorating the nursery isn’t a huge deal for me because the baby always sleeps in our room for several weeks, so I have plenty of time to do some gender-specific decorating if I want to. DH and I are not ones to commit to a name before the baby is born, so it really isn’t a problem to choose some boy names and girl names. [name]One[/name] thing I have found is that it seems to drive others crazy that we wait! Which, actually I think is kind of fun. Though, I was once firmly in the “people are crazy if they don’t find out at the u/s” camp, I have changed my tune, yet I totally respect those who feel the need to know because I have been there!
I planned on waiting…and then found out, for both pregnancies. However, I knew I wanted to have 2 kids close in age, and don’t have tons of money, so most of my baby stuff is still neutral in color-- which is good because my first is a girl and we are now expecting a boy.
I’m hoping to find out in a week as long as everybody is cooperative!
Two reasons really, 1. I’m impatient, and I hate thinking even the technician might know and I wouldn’t 2. I’m really tired of saying “he or she” and feel like a bad person saying “it”, I need an accurate pronoun ASAP.
I found out with my last two and will with this one. Simply because we want to know, no other reason. I don’t really see not finding out as impractical as you can get everything baby needs in gender-neutral colors. My friend didn’t find out with her first, did with her second and was very happy both times.
