Finding Out

I was just wondering what people think about finding out the gender of your baby? I am pregnant with my second, and the all-important ultrasound is coming up and I can’t decide what to do. We found out with our first, and I have no regrets about it, but I feel like maybe it would be fun to let it be a surprise this time. A lot of my friends who are expecting or have recently had babies have waited, and swear that its the best, but then, they never did it the other way either.

So I guess I just wanted to know what others experiences are with this? Has anyone found out the gender with one baby and not another? What did you prefer? Anyone get a WRONG prediction? If you are pregnant now, will you find out?

I’m kind of nervous about not finding out this time (silly as it may be) because of the names. When I was pregnant before, I had a short list of boy’s and girl’s names already picked out that I felt confident about. But as soon as I found out I was having a girl, all the names on the list just felt wrong. So then I had to start from scratch to find the “right” name. So I guess I’m afraid if I don’t find out the gender until baby is born, that same thing will happen again, only this time I won’t have time to find a name that feels right.

Anyway, I know it’s silly, but I just was wondering what everyone’s thoughts are on this.

We never find out the genders of our children until the day they are born. I have several reasons for this

  1. It eliminates gender disappoint, although I do not believe this would ever truly be an issue in our family.
  2. We actually enjoy designing a unisex nursery
  3. It builds a sort of excitement and it is fun to sort of, fantasize with your partner about different possibilities. [name]Will[/name] we have another girl? Or will this be our first boy?
  4. I think it actually helps speed the labor process along as it is much more exciting on the actual day of the child’s birth.
  5. We love not only announcing “it’s a girl” or “it’s a boy” to our family in the hospital but also announcing the child’s name (which we also do not share with ANYBODY) on the day of the birth. It brings the family together. It’s really lovely.
  6. Ultrasounds are very rarely actually medically necessary. And my husband and I are minimalists, so we opt out of them when possible.

I’m currently pregnant and did find out at the 20 week ultrasound. I’m glad that I did. I refer to him by his name when talking to or about him and that helps with bonding. I had a strong feeling early on that I was having a boy and really wanted confirmation. I do have a girl name back-up (though I imagine it’d feel weird to use it after using another name for months) just in case the ultrasound was wrong. It doesn’t change nursery designs for me because I like the look of gender neutral nurseries more anyway.

I’m not someone who lives for surprises, so finding out didn’t ruin anything for me. In fact, I’m so anti-surprises that I want to know everything now, including things I can’t, like eye color and if he’ll have hair or not. I want to know everything about him. I’ve never been good at waiting and it’s hard enough waiting to meet him and get to know his personality.

I also would opt not to find out the gender, for the reasons given by @dayjoysky2815. Its just a couple more weeks, it isn’t as though you’ll NEVER find out the gender of the baby.

So much can be told by ultrasounds these days. 3d/4d scans give accurate portrayal of what baby will look at. Doctors can guess the size of baby based on fundal height and can also make weight estimations that usually turn out to be correct. The gender is one of the few things that can stay a surprise.

I was present when my sister gave birth to my nephew. I will never forget the look on her face when her husband said to her “[name]Honey[/name], its a boy, we have a son!”. I want that for myself. The pure excitement and euphoria between them was so beautiful.

I do think that all births are special and if you do decide to find out, it won’t take away any of the specialness.

These are just my thoughts. Best of luck with your pregnancy regardless of your decision :slight_smile:

Apologies, double post.

I see no difference. Pretty much all the excitement is the same at five months as it is at 9 [name]IMO[/name]. I know people who have done it both ways. [name]Way[/name] I see it, if there is going to be any gender disappointment there will be some regardless. Knowing the sex does not mean you have to choose pink or blue. You can still go neutral! You spend the majority of the pregnacy guessing anyways. The only benefit I can honestly say is with the lack of research on u/s, if you want to be 100% safe skip them. Otherwise there is no benefit to waiting. Anyone who tells you one way is “better” than the other is full of it. It’s all about personal preference, some people ENJOY not knowing, and many can’t wait to find out.

To the OP if you’re really worried you’ll regret not finding out have the tech write it on a piece of paper and seal it in an enveloppe. Then if at 7 months you regret it you have a backup!

I want to know the gender so badly and it has a practical advantage that you can prepare (mostly clothing, I hate cutesy gender neutral items, in fact I despise most cutesy items that are gender obvious too, it’s so hard to find clothes I like) , but on the other hand this is our last child and it’s also our last chance to have that “grand reveal” at birth.

I have found out with every previous pregnancy. I’m due in [name]April[/name] and it feels a million years away. 32 more weeks! But I have to say today I’m leaning towards waiting until birth, but I’ll be completely honest and say that I may just as easily change my mind tomorrow.

Personally we are not finding out, not for any specific reason - we just both want to wait. Mind we were very tempted to find out a with our cvs results as its an option & would be 100% accurate. It’s a very personal decsion & there’s no right or wrong way. I would never look down on someone for findind out. When I’ve cared for women in labour there’s always something nice if they are having a surprise, perhaps it’s just that I feel I’m more part of their experience that way.

Saying all this we are convinced our little one is a boy & I will be on total shock if not!

Thought not pregnant myself, it is something I’ve thought about. I think I would rather not find out until the baby is born. With the exception being if I was pregnant with twins or more, just because it is probably more necessary.

All that being said no doubt when I do eventually have to make the decision for real, I won’t be able to help myself! lol

we found out with our first 3 but decided not to find out for our 4th. I have no regrets with the way we did it either! I am a planner and wanted to be prepared for the day they arrived. This time we figured we have everything for both genders so we’ll see what all the hype is about with not knowing. The main thing I hate with not knowing is when we talk about “the baby” theres not a name or he or she the poor thing is most of the time called “it” which just sounds horrible to me!
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way, its completely your own personal preference! Good luck deciding!!

I prefer not finding out, and have done it both ways. As the one giving birth, I love the feeling of being in labor and knowing that soon I will be meeting “whoever is in there”. We did not find out with [name]Violet[/name], and [name]Bronwen[/name] was the first to see. She started shouting “I have a sister! I was right! I have a sister” over hours and that is a memory I will akways cherish. There are very few surprises in life anymore, this is one that we can have not only for us but for everyone else. [name]Don[/name]'t gete wrong, people get annoyed because they want to know ( especially my sister, mom, mother in law) but to me, its much more of an announcement getting to tell everyone the name and gender tjen it ever was when we told the name and gender with our oldest around 20 weeks.

Because we are having this baby about 2 years sooner then we thought, i [name]DoD[/name] get rid of all baby items after my youngest sons death. I figure a few gn footies and gowns and I will be set for at least the first few weeks. No worries there. And at least in my case, older siblings have never been disaponited with the gender of an adorable baby right in front of them.

Plus, I like looking at the baby and figuring at what name fits best. Not committing until I meet him or her and having all the time I want to decide.

There is my 2 cents. Everyone feels different, but for me, I love not finding out.

There were two threads on this last month that you might find helpful:

https://nameberry.com/nametalk/threads/96743-How-many-of-you-found-out-the-sex-of-your-unborn-baby-and-why

and

https://nameberry.com/nametalk/threads/104348-Is-the-surprise-really-worth-it

I chose not to find out with my first, and was thrilled when he came out and I heard ‘it’s a boy!’-- I had had such a strong feeling that I was having a girl all throughout the pregnancy, even to having dreams about ‘her’, but I secretly wanted a boy more and felt like a lottery winner in the delivery room. With #2 I didn’t think about it before my u/s appointment-- when the tech turned to us and asked if we wanted to know I looked at my husband and shrugged, he wanted to know so we found out right then that we were having another boy. By the time we had walked out to the car I felt such regret about finding out, and wished we could go back to not knowing. I decided not to tell anyone else, but then spent the rest of that pregnancy listening to people say things like ‘oh, maybe you’ll have a girl this time! won’t that be exciting!’…all the while I knew it was not a girl, and I felt offended on [name]Little[/name] [name]Baby[/name]'s behalf, like, ‘isn’t it still exciting to have another baby, even if it’s the same gender as your first?’. Now I’m pregnant with #3, due in Feb 2013, and I’m not going to find out (and it’s hard, because I’ve had one early u/s already and I’m scheduled to have another this week, and one more at 20 weeks-- my dr’s office goes heavy with the u/s-- at every one they will ask if I want to know!). I have a feeling we’re one of those families who just have boys over and over, but I want 9 months of imagining that it could go either way, that I could have another sweet little boy on the way, or maybe my first daughter.
Whew, that’s my long 2 cents! (:

The bolded is untrue. Very often are weight guesstimates very far off from truth. Many women are induced or coerced into c-sections they don’t want because doctors put the fear of “this baby is going to be too big!” into their heads. Ultrasound guesstimates for weight can be off by as much as 2lbs in either direction.

My ultrasound for baby #5 is in 6 days and this is something I’ve really struggled with. I have 4 sons, and this is likely our last baby. I really like the idea of waiting, but if it is magically our first and only girl, I want to be prepared. Sigh.

Waited to find out for the first, but found out for the second…fun both ways!

I found out with both and everything got blurted out all at once. While I’m ok with finding out the gender, I wish I’d made it a little more special. If we have a third, I’d like to find out but do something like a reveal party, especially since I no longer live near my parents. The person it was most important for me to know the gender was my mommy and she was right there with me for my daughter and I called her immediately after with my son. I’d love to do something where we can both find out together again. I do want to know the sex though, because I’m really love sticking with color themes and I love pink and purple. I would hate to stick a boy with too much pink :).

I’d also like to keep the name a secret until birth next time. I feel like whether you know the gender and name or not, it’s still really exciting for you. However, with technology and sharing the way it is these days, I think that friends and extended family find out the baby’s been born and it’s like “Yeah, that’s a baby. Very cute!”. I don’t like total mystery (for myself), but I’d like to have a little next time.

Well I’ve never been pregnant, but when I talked to my youth pastor’s wife about her three pregnancies, she said that she didn’t bond as quickly with her first child [name]Mackenzie[/name] (they kept it a surprise) as she did with her other two daughters, [name]Riley[/name] and [name]Teagan[/name], when she found out the genders at the halfway point. My other friend [name]Linda[/name] found out the genders early (first child, daughter [name]Emma[/name], second child,son [name]Brandon[/name]) but she and her husband were still excited as ever the rest of her pregnancies and she’s also a planner so she wanted to know. I don’t know anyone that’s ever had a wrong prediction.

I think whenever I have kids, I’d want to know because I hate waiting,haha.

[name]Reading[/name] everyone’s responses, I guess it’s up to you really. :]

Thanks for all the responses. There are so many different opinions! Lots of things here that I never really considered before so I appreciate hearing everyone’s stories. I think (for the moment) that we have decided to not find out the gender, but the appointment is still 2 weeks away so I’m not sure what will happen between now and then! :slight_smile: Guess I better get to work on those name lists! :smiley: