Has anyone fostered to adopt? What is the process like? I am a long way off from adopting a child, but I’m starting to research the process and consider my options.
I should mention that I am in the US and will possibly be adopting as a single mom.
[name]Hi[/name]! I have not fostered or adopted, but I do know a couple who are currently fostering a brother and sister who have looked into what is involved with formal adoption so I can speak to their experience.
First of all, there are many, many children who need good, loving foster homes so kudos to you for being interested! Also, adoption of older kids in the U.S. is also a huge need. My hat is off to you!
Unfortunately, my friends faced a number of bureaucratic hurdles to adopting the kids they are fostering. In fact, they decided the most loving thing they could do for the kids was not adopt them right now. If they went through with adoption, the kids would lose state support - financially and in terms of counseling and other valuable resources. Since the kids are now in high school, they have decided to wait until they are done with college to pursue adoption. Regardless, they have a long-term commitment to the kids and a familial bond with them.
I’m sure laws vary quite a bit state by state. The couple I know lives in [name]Virginia[/name].
Good luck!
There’s a very popular Adoption board on the website thebump dot com. They have tons of resources that can help you get started, if you’re interested. We’re not planning to adopt at the moment, so unfortunately I can’t offer any other help.
Good luck, and congrats on your decision!
Google your states Department of Children and Family services. It will tell you the requirements/process for your state. There might be some classes you can take now or a seminar/conference you can attend for information. Generally the process includes health screening, background checks, home study, certification classes, post-placement visits.
Once certified in your state, you can work with out of state children too. You just have to go through their social worker (but your state department contact will help facilitate). That child’s social worker is tasked with finding the best family for that individual situation. They will know if an out of state will be ok or not given extended family, sibling visits, etc.
www.adoption.com has great resources and forums for most situations – like special needs, single parent, international, inter-racial, older child, etc.
[name]Hi[/name]!
My mom is a social worker who works in the foster care training and certification department in [name]Louisiana[/name]. I know that here, foster parents are required to attend a training course for nine weeks, or three, if you prefer Saturdays. Workers like my mom will visit your home and get to know you and let you know the rules and will check to see if your home meets the requirements for a foster child (certain amount of personal space, income, etc.).
I have quite a few friends who have adopted kids that they first fostered. I have had several lose their beloved foster children when the courts sent them back home. I know it’s a very hard and emotional journey when that happens. I ache for the ones who lose their kids and have to send them back into dubious circumstances. However, that doesn’t always happen, and when a family is made, it is one of the most joyous things you could imagine.
At the same time…and I’m not saying this to discourage you in ANY way, just to prepare you a little…
I grew up with a social worker mom and a parole officer dad, so I have heard about a lot of things that abused and neglected kids go through. I know my mom has seen kids come through the system who are so completely damaged that they will probably never be normal. Kids who are abusing peers and younger siblings by the tie they are four or five years old because they don’t know any better. People don’t believe that it could possibly be true, but it is. [name]One[/name] of the training sessions is dedicated to a hardcore and in-depth exploration of what to expect from some of these kids–and it isn’t good.
My advice is, if you think you are emotionally capable of taking care of a child, and bonding with that child, and then having that child taken away again, and sent back to parents you know might do more damage, and not breaking; and if you can deal with whatever baggage–whatever–a child may bring into your home, and you’re prepared to provide the emotional and psychological stability that child may require without flinching when it gets extremely hard, then you would probably be okay to foster.
Many foster kids only need a loving family, but many more need so much more. [name]Just[/name] be fully aware of all the good, the bad, and the ugly before going into it. I think it’s a very rewarding process, and one I fully endorse, but it’s also one that is uniquely challenging, and if you decide to go for it, then I wish you the best of luck and pass along my mom’s sincerest thanks!
I don’t know much about fostering in the US, but DH & I went to an info session on fostering here. Of course it’s slightly different in each State and Province. Here, they have moved away from releasing children for adoption and instead try to find “forever families” for children who can’t continue to live with their parents. Their goal as far as I understand it, is that the children continue to have contact with their biological family throughout their lives. Therefore, the only children that are available for adoption through the foster system here are those whose parents voluntarily give them up -or the children who decide they don’t want any more connection with their biological family (which I believe they said was at age 12).
After the info session, we were given 90 days to fill in all their paper work. Then a social worker would be sent to our place to complete a home assessment. The whole process of being approved could take up to a year here. Then we would have to wait until a match was found. My neighbour down the street said that the whole process took less than 2 years before she was matched with a sweet little 3 year old. (She’s a single mom too.) If you want to foster an older child, the waiting time is less than for a young child or baby. Also, if you are more flexible as far as types of trauma or other challenges you’re willing to work with, or if you are flexible as far as race, culture & gender of the child, the wait is not as long. But, you must figure out what you think you can handle and what you can’t before you sign up for anything under the sun. I’ve read about some illnesses like fetal alcohol syndrome and attachment disorder that require sooo much patience and creativity and patience and endurance by parent(s).
We put the process on hold since I’m pregnant now. 
Since then I’ve just been reading about adoption and fostering and babies in general. We’d like to see if fostering or adoption could work into our family at a later date. However, at the info session, we learned that they want us to wait for a year after any major event in your life before working through this process. That would include things like having a baby (clearly a major event!), moving, starting a new job etc.
I hope that helps! Like I said, everything differs from State to State, but that is what we learned here.
[name]One[/name] site I’ve been reading is Waitingtobelong.ca -the equivalent in the US (I think) is http://www.icareaboutorphans.org/
Many blessings in your research.