[name_m]Don[/name_m]’t know if this is in the right place, but last night we had dinner with our families and while my mom and dad were more than ok with the name we picked I knew his parents would have issues. They even went so far as to ask if we had other names in mind. It stung a little, but I knew it was coming, we love it, and are sticking to our choice. However, now I’m afraid they will try to invent something to call him and try to pass it off as a “nickname” or something along those lines. I’m sure lots of people have had the same thing happen so any words of encouragement or even your own personal stories dealing with your own difficult soon to be in-laws would be much appreciated!
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Not my in-laws, but my own mom. She seems to find an annoying nickname or a “problem” with [name_f]EVERY[/name_f] name. So I’m just not telling her until after he’s born. (Nevermind the fact that we won’t know til he’s born either, but our short list - not for her eyes at all lol)
I’m not sure why grandparents seem to think that their opinion holds so much stake, or that they have a right to try to sway their kids when it comes to naming children. But I couldn’t do that to my own kids when they’re adults. (Unless they try to name their baby something a little :too: cre8ive - like Kinzleighh or Rainnbeau - but I’m sure my husband would speak up about something like that before I even had the chance anyway lol)
My mother hated the name [name_u]Finn[/name_u] and didn’t love [name_m]Leo[/name_m] either (but by then she’d learned to keep that to herself). When we announced we were having a boy and that his name would be [name_u]Finn[/name_u], she made a face and said something along the lines of “you’re naming a real person, you have to think of teasing” and proceeded to list name after name for the better part of an hour. After a while telling her it was our baby to name and they’d already had theirs, my dad started googling popular baby names–we were being pounded with names we’d already considered and rejected from both of them, all of which we politely rejected again.
My aunt also made a comment “[name_u]Finn[/name_u]? Where did you find that?” when we told her. But it didn’t hurt as much as my parents’ reaction by any means.
None of these people said anything once he was born. They always called him [name_u]Finn[/name_u], never a nickname or other version or even by one of his middles. He’s just [name_u]Finn[/name_u]. And as I said, by the time [name_m]Leo[/name_m] came around, she’d learned to keep her suggestions to herself.
I would still name the baby whatever you want to. This is your right and decision so please don’t forfeit that. They’ll probably come around. If they do start calling the baby something you don’t agree with, maybe broach the subject with them that “this is the baby’s name and we chose it so they would be called that and nothing else. We’d appreciate if you used it.” We gave our kids short names for this reason, I didn’t want a [name_m]Finnegan[/name_m] and [name_m]Leonardo[/name_m] if I wasn’t going to call them by it, although that’s just my preference and not for everyone. [name_m]Just[/name_m] remember: they had their chance to name their baby and this is your time now. I hope they come around!
I mean I knew this was coming so I should have been more prepared knowing they were going to make some kind of comment that would rub me the wrong way. My fiancé suggested maybe sitting down with them one on one and just letting everything air out. I see that going horribly and feelings being hurt left and right, but I think it’s good for them to know that his name will be [name_m]Calix[/name_m] and that’s the end of it. As of this morning my future [name_f]MIL[/name_f] is still harping on it from what I’ve heard.
Stick to your guns, mama! Parents can be so annoying when it comes to things like this. We purposely don’t discuss names with our families anymore but, when we did, we received flack for them. I mentioned liking [name_f]Leah[/name_f] and [name_f]Lydia[/name_f] and that we were considering using the middle name that my mom had wanted to use for a son but she didn’t get the chance to. Both sides gave a resounding tantrum about the girls’ choices and my mom will not let go of the middle name for a boy. They tried to pull the coming up with a nickname thing, too. My in-laws, who are divorced, are busy arguing with of their sides should get the names chosen from and my mom is writing down the names of babies she knows who have been born recently, so she can suggest them to us. We aren’t even pregnant yet. Our situation is a bit different from yours in that we don’t have a baby on the way, but we straight up told them that our children will be named by us and that those names are what they will call them, and that it is not up for debate. They still pull their tantrums but they know where they stand.
Hang in there…it can be so hard to deal with people like that! For the record, [name_m]Calix[/name_m] [name_m]Birch[/name_m] is a perfectly fine name!
I would try to avoid any further discussion regarding the name you have chosen and just introduce him as [name_m]Calix[/name_m] when he is born. If they ask about it maybe just respond by saying something like “We aren’t 100% sure of his name so are waiting to meet him and will announce it when he is born.” I hope that helps.
I have a story that I hope will make you feel better!
Years ago, my uncle (my mom’s brother) married this one woman none of use really liked (she has a lot of issues). And so when she was pregnant with her first child, it was chaos. It was a boy, and they were trying to decide on a name. Her taste in names is not our favorite, and she picked a name nobody liked. The name my uncle picked as the first name is great, and so my whole family was like “okay, we will call him by his middle name exclusively, no big deal.” Yes, I know we are awful. When he was born, all started calling him by his middle name. But since his mom just called him by his first name, we all just ‘gave up’ and decided to just call him by that name.
Not saying at all you are like my aunt (I’m sure you are not, she is not great), or your in-laws are like my family. But I think that if you and your fiancé persevere, they will end up just calling him by that name.
I love [name_m]Calix[/name_m] [name_m]Birch[/name_m] btw!
First of all I adore [name_m]Calix[/name_m] [name_m]Birch[/name_m]!
One of my closest friend’s had this issue and she couldn’t do anything about it for the first few years but eventually she taught the child to just not respond to that name and it was really funny watching the relatives try and get her attention and fail.
It happens a lot more than one might think and over the past 3 or so years of watching a bunch of my friends go through this, I think the best method is to tell them “this is what we’re naming the baby, it’s our child and as much as your opinion matters, it’s ultimately our choice. You may call him insert nickname if you want a nickname or are happy for them to call him by another nickname or petname if you would prefer but that is all. If you won’t call him by his name, be prepared to see him and us less because I am uncomfortable with you not respecting my choices”
And if they pull the “geez it’s just a name card”, you say: “yeah it’s just a name, so you can call him by the name we’ve chosen even if it’s just out of respect and love”
And voila, I mean I was paraphrasing a little but generally parents in law or otherwise are unwilling to sacrifice a relationship for a name.
Thanks for all the advice on how to handle the situation. [name_m]Just[/name_m] a quick update my future [name_f]MIL[/name_f] has taken to emailing and texting me baby name suggestions and even sent me a few other naming websites. I’m seeing the slight humor in this and did have a good chuckle over it, but it quickly turned to pure annoyance. [name_u]Future[/name_u] FIL has stayed remotely quiet I don’t think it bothers him as much as her. I’m starting to wonder if it’s just a general rule that most [name_f]MIL[/name_f]’s have a tiny bit of crazy in them. I’m planning on inviting her out to lunch this weekend just the two of us so I can have a face to face one on one conversation with her.
magenjewel - First, I LOOOOOOVE your name choice!! I mentioned [name_m]Calix[/name_m] to DH when we were trying to decide but he never really went for it. And [name_m]Birch[/name_m] is such a creative choice! I, personally, just adore your name! Please don’t let this make you reconsider at all! I know you’ve mentioned before (in another thread) you struggle with anxiety and naming your baby was something that you felt would help calm it. So I imagine this situation isn’t helpful. I would definitely let F-[name_f]MIL[/name_f] voice her opinion (if only to let her feel like she “got it out there”) but I would remind her that, ultimately, it is yours and SO’s decision and you both like what you’ve chosen. I feel like this will be a situation where they will have a lot to say now but once he’s here, they may quiet it down a bit. Plus, I don’t see many usable NN coming out of it. Other than just [name_u]Cal[/name_u]…
I will say, this is why my DH and I have chosen to keep baby’s name between us until he arrives. I don’t want to hear the opinions and be given options that I’ve ruled out already. Our long list was crazy and finally settling on something was like a weight off, I couldn’t imagine having someone driving me crazy about it.
Has your SO told his parents that you’ve decided that this is it? Maybe hearing it from him would help?
mlrox- thank you so much! I did feel less anxious after we decided on a name, but the anxiety is still there so I’m just taking it day by day. I did mention to my fiancé about possibly talking to his parents regarding the situation, but I do still want to meet with her myself just to kind of put everything out on the table. I don’t speak up often so I think I’d feel better knowing I said something. If that doesn’t work than I’ll have my fiancé talk to her, and if that doesn’t work then god help us! Lesson learned next time around if there is one I am keeping my mouth shut!
It’s none of their business what you name your child, and I would tell them that. It’s your baby. I know we’ll get this when we have children - my family is so judgey. There’s always the “oh why would you name a child that” discussion, especially by my aunts and grandmother, after babies arrive. My hubby and I have already said we won’t be changing any names based on stink from family - they can keep their opinions to themselves as far as we are concerned.
Honestly? Tell them to suck it.
I relate to this! I get it both from in laws and my own family. I say as long as it’s a name that will age well with the child and the parents love it…screw anyone else’s opinion. ”
Good [name_m]Luck[/name_m]!
I hope your conversation with her goes well! I think that’s a great way to go, just get it all out there, so at least you can feel a bit of relief. If she doesn’t listen to either you or your SO, unfortunately all you can do is ignore her. I feel you though, I find it incredibly annoying and offensive when in-laws are picky about names. Mine weren’t so much judgy of our top choices but they did want us to use an honor name from his side. It bothered me but mostly I let it go because I knew their opinions didn’t matter in the end and my SO stood firm too.
You are one pushing out of you and educating the little one. It should be what you feel best when you look at his little face. I feel like I gave my son’s name to the father. Biggest regret of my life now four months later I still cant call my son his given birth name but I feel like it’s too late. So fight for whatever name you want.