[name_m]Hi[/name_m]! I’d love to hear your thoughts/experiences on being called by your middle name in day to day life. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you find it a burden? What are the biggest drawbacks? Have you named your child with the intent to call him by his middle - would you do it again?!
Thanks in advance!!
Great question! I wish more people asked this before doing it.
My main experience with this is my oldest brother and my father. In our family we have a (somewhat bizarre) tradition of naming the oldest son a specific first name, giving him a different middle name, and then calling him by a nickname of the middle name. For example, it would be like calling [name_m]John[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] “[name_m]Tom[/name_m]” and his son [name_m]John[/name_m] [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] “[name_m]Joe[/name_m].” Both first names are [name_m]John[/name_m], but they go by [name_m]Tom[/name_m] and [name_m]Joe[/name_m]. (Obviously these aren’t my relative’s actual names.)
Anyway, it’s been interesting to see how it affects them. Paperwork is often frustrating. They’ve had issues with what name to use at the bank or while registering for classes at school or how to sign their names on receipts or what to put on paperwork at the doctor’s office. They have subscriptions to websites like Netflix and Amazon under different names (ex: “J. [name_m]Thomas[/name_m]” vs “[name_m]Thomas[/name_m]” vs “[name_m]John[/name_m] T”). [name_m]Even[/name_m] their credit cards cause confusion when ordering a pizza online (“oh crap, am I [name_m]John[/name_m] T. on this one or J. [name_m]Thomas[/name_m]?”). My brother had issues throughout college with professors getting confused upon seeing essays turned in with the name he goes by, which didn’t fit the roster sheet. He’s had issues with job interviews and their subsequent background checks (name on resume not matching the “official” name on bank loans, etc). Lots of minor annoyances, but they add up. He’s always been a little irritated by the whole thing, and will gladly rant about it when it comes up.
Bottom line: I don’t suggest it. I’ve seen firsthand how much it can be a pain in such tiny, random, mundane ways. It’s an unnecessary burden. [name_m]Just[/name_m] use the name you want to call them as their first name, and their life will be simpler for it :).
Among my close family, my grandfather, father, and two of my first cousins go exclusively by their middle names. It isn’t an issue. Sure, their mail and official documents use their first names, but I don’t understand why that’s an issue.
I have family that did the same as what was described by @silversky109. Personally, I think it’s just confusing. If you don’t plan to use the name, why give it to them? As a one off, maybe, but I don’t see the point of having a traditional name that you never actually use.
Personally, I wouldn’t call a child something that I never had the intention of using. If it was a case of a family name that had to be used, I’d put it in the middle or something.
Names are special. I think we should give our children names they can be connected too. Skipping over a given name isn’t very nice… it sounds like “we did it coz that’s what we do” - doesn’t sound overly loving… let alone helping the child to be their own unique person.
I went by my middle name for my childhood. It wasn’t too confusing, but I did decide to go by my first name when I got to high school as I couldn’t be bothered dealing with letting people know my preferred name as a new student - what with a different teacher for each subject throughout the day/roll calls etc
It is a HUGE pain in the rump. My husband and I swore we wouldn’t do that to our kids.
I find it to be a burden to even go by a nickname. I think my name is lovely but, realistically, my parents were never going to call me [name_f]Casandra[/name_f] (pronounced [name_f]Cassandra[/name_f]). I feel as if I’m constantly correcting people and it was even harder when I joined the professional world because I thought [name_f]Casandra[/name_f] sounded more grown up but wouldn’t respond to it if someone was trying to get my attention :-?