I see a lot of posts on Nameberry about a name someone wants to use that doesn’t go well with their (or in most cases, their husband’s) last name. I often suggest using their last name, or hyphenating. Would you do this? [name]Say[/name], your and your husband’s favourite name in the world was [name]Michael[/name] but your husband’s last name was Michaels, while yours was, say, [name]Smith[/name]. Then would you name him [name]Michael[/name] [name]Smith[/name] to get to use your favourite name? It seems reasonable to me, but it seems like most Berries wouldn’t do this. I’m still a teenager so perhaps I only think this is okay because I’m not married. But I’ve always been curious about why this isn’t more common.
BTW, I live in [name]Canada[/name] where it’s totally legal, though rare, to go by the mother’s maiden name. I know a woman who goes by her maiden name, and whose daughter does too, though for a different reason, so I wouldn’t think it’s weird.
If your favorite name is [name]Michael[/name] but your married name is Michaels, I would think that you would be thrilled that [name]Michael[/name] gets to be in ALL of your children’s names.
I don’t think that your favorite name clashing with your surname is a reason to give the child a different surname. If that were the case it might be time to move on, middle name it, or give the name to a pet.
Actually, I think if you LOVED the name [name]Sunny[/name] and your surname was [name]Day[/name] it would be the perfect middle name choice. [name]Just[/name] pulling from the list in your signature, [name]Victoria[/name] [name]Sunny[/name] [name]Day[/name] or [name]Francesca[/name] [name]Sunny[/name] [name]Day[/name] are actually very wearable.
I wouldn’t use an alternate last name to accomodate a favorite first name. If my favorites didn’t work for whatever reason, I’d rather bid them goodbye and find new favorites than shuffle between various family surnames. I’m actually all for families doing what they want with their surname, whether it’s going most traditional route, passing down the mom’s surname, or using hyphenated names, but (to me) that’s something that’s decided ahead of time and then you stick with it and work around it.
I agree that I wouldn’t give a child a different last name just because I wanted to use a first name that would clash, but I see nothing wrong with non-traditional first names. If you keep your surname, there is nothing wrong with your child carrying yours rather than your husband’s.
My partner and I have already decided that our child will have my partner’s last name, but now I wonder if I should change my name when we marry so that I have the same name as my child, or keep my own surname. I think it’s great to have a range of surname options, and not just be stuck with father’s surname.
So what if one child’s name doesn’t work with hubby’s surname so you use your maiden, but the next child’s name sounds better with hubby’s surname? [name]Will[/name] they have different last names? It’s legal to give your children any surname one want but is it right or fair to the kids? That’s up to you
It seems very selfish and flaky to change a child’s last name [name]JUST[/name] to get to use the name you like. Totally different if you and the SO are choosing a surname to say, preserve a family name or because you’ve establish a career with your maiden name and don’t want to drop it.
I know a couple who gave their son the husband’s mother’s maiden name. Hubby’s father skipped out when he was young so he never liked having his surname. He’s also the only boy on his mom’s side so their very unique family name wouldn’t be carried on. So the couple decided they’d give all of their children grandma’s maiden name
I don’t see a problem at all. I don’t think a family needs to share a last name. It’s ok but certainly unnecessary. If it sounds right with a different last name, go for it.
I agree with PP’s that what ever you decide as far as surnames is fine, but I also this it would be odd to have a family with 3-4 surnames, and the children (from the same two parents) having multiple different surnames. But I am a little bit of a traditionalist in that sense, because I think a surname can help to create that sense of family and togetherness - I mean, it certainly isn’t the only thing that creates that, so I have no problem with women who keep their maiden’s because of career or personal reasons, or families who choose to use the mother’s name for the kids, etc. I just think it should be uniform among the kids.
It is just such a tough subject because so many people draw such a hard line on it when really it is about personal preference. I know what I will do and what I prefer for a family, but that doesn’t mean it is right for everyone. However, changing your kid’s last name to something else just to satisfy a first name preference when there are SO many names to choose from seems selfish to me.
I took my husbands name, so personally, no, I wouldnt.
Seems like a lot of extra trouble to do it solely to use a first name, BUT I do know a few families who’ve gone nontraditional routes with the surnames. [name]One[/name] in particular that I kind of like decided before they had children that their sons would take their fathers surname and their daughters would take their mothers surname (they had all girls, so moms name “won”).
Thanks as always for replies. I guess this is another of those “do what’s right for you” things. But good point about how siblings with different last names could be confusing.
lineska and nat108, interesting stories! I always like hearing about people who do something different for a reason.
Well I go by my mother’s maiden name as a last name and I am planning on giving my daughter my last name. It may not be considered traditional to do such, but I quite like the name and since I am my mother’s only child and this will be my only child I see it as a way to carry on the name.
I wouldn’t go to the trouble of using my name as my child’s surname purely for the purpose of using a name I liked; there are always plenty of other names to choose from. Especially as I hope by the time I have a child, I will also have my OH’s surname, so it would be very odd for our child to have a different name - I think it’s much nicer if the whole family has the same surname. I would consider hyphenating our surnames though, for other reasons, because they flow quite nicely and don’t clash. I have had to let go of a few favourite names because they just do not go with my OH’s surname, for example, I really like [name]Finlay[/name], but my OH’s surname ends in -ley, so it just sounds really bad, but there are always other names I like.
