[name_m]How[/name_m] much does grandma’s opinion on your child’s name honestly matter? [name_m]How[/name_m] have you/will you handle the situation?
For me, it’s a major factor. My mother is genuinely my best friend, and I honestly don’t think I’d be able to go through with naming a child without her approval. I’m sure anyone would want enthusiastic consent from their parents, but that isn’t always the case. In the instances where names do come up in conversation, we seem to have the same likes and dislikes. I’m slightly more adventurous in style than her, but I do tend to gravitate towards “names that sound like names.”
To combat the possibility of grandma’s negative opinion, I have a list for either sex of 2-3 “dream names,” and 2-3 “safe names” that I still love. I feel like this way, if she sees my dream list and is iffy or hates it, I do have other names that would satisfy us both.
I know that the argument is that “it’s not their child, it’s yours,” but I can’t be the only one unable to follow that advice.
My mom and I are close, but I don’t really seek her approval for names. She’s always so happy about grandchildren and very respectful of our parenting decisions that even if she hated a name, she would never say anything mean. When I mentioned [name_m]Frederick[/name_m] was my fave boys’ name, she joked, “Like [name_u]Freddie[/name_u] Krueger?” but it was said teasingly and if we use [name_m]Frederick[/name_m], she’d adore the name even though it’s not her style.
It’s hard enough finding a name me and my husband love; I can’t add anyone else to that equation.
I love my mother dearly, but her opinion about my childrens’ names is her business, not mine.
She told me about two years after my oldest was born that when she heard the name announced, she was surprised and not too thrilled about our choice, but as the baby (now child) grew on her instantly, so did her name.
Ultimately, the child defines the name, not the name to the child.
I’m very close to my mom as well, but our thoughts on names can differ quite a bit. I wouldn’t cross a name off my list just because she didn’t like it.
I love my mom, and do consider her one of my ‘best friends’ most of the time, but she gets absolutely no say so when it comes to naming my children. Our tastes are different, so even though I have a rule of thumb to never discuss names that we are considering with her, I know she likely won’t like any of the names anyway. Now, that being said, I have taken things into consideration before:
*she said that she does not want a grandchild named after her, because she hates her own names. Thus, we won’t consider her first name at all. Her middle name is [name_f]Rose[/name_f], which I do love, but we have an idea to use [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f] as a possible middle name for a daughter. It isn’t totally “after her”, but it is different enough to where I don’t think she would be super offended.
*she had dated several men throughout her life and one of them really broke her heart. His name was [name_m]Brian[/name_m]. My husband and I really like the name, but we likely wouldn’t choose it out of consideration to her tough situation. Granted, I know you can’t go out of your way to avoid a name of someone’s ex, but it was such a bad circumstance that I know it would be hard for my mom to have to use that name again.
That’s it, though. The way I see it, our mothers/parents had the chance to name us…their own children. It’s so hard to find names that both my husband and I like. Why would I put more stress on the two of us, just to find something that would “satisfy” grandma? For that matter, why is it just grandma? Should we all be running in circles to find names that our in-laws, siblings, and cousins approve of, too? It gets a bit silly after awhile.
For me its very important that my mother likes the names I chose, but if she didn’t like the name that I really really loved, I wouldn’t let it stop me using it, (and she wouldn’t want it to stop me either.) I believe that once someone meets their grandchild with that name, they will naturally start to like it.
I’m quite lucky that my mother is a sort of namenerd, not quite so much as us, but in the fact that she likes hearing new names, quirky names, exciting and different names (she once told me she thinks twins called [name_u]Echo[/name_u] and [name_f]Whisper[/name_f] would be cute. Okay mum.)
I’m lucky that she does like the choices we have, but as I mentioned above, I firmly believe any grandparent will grow to love the name their grandchild has
I love my mum and we do talk about names, but she is not a fan of the majority of my favourites and that will not have an impact on my choice in the end.
My mom had issues when discussing names with my grandma when she was pregnant with me, so she’s vowed to never say anything negative about the names I or my sisters like for our kids. We occasionally talk about names and for the most part, she’s pretty supportive of the names on my list. If she ever did express a dislike for a name, I wouldn’t care. My grandma now denies any negative comments she said about my name, and I know my mom would do the same.
To be honest though, when it comes to my grandma, I’d love to choose a name that isn’t familiar to her. I once asked her what was the weirdest name she ever heard, and her answer was my cousin [name_u]Auden[/name_u]’s (which I was surprised about because I never thought of her name as weird, only uncommon). Since then, it’s been an unconscious goal of mine to name a child something that surpasses [name_u]Auden[/name_u] on the list of weird names. I think there’s a few in my top 10 that would do the trick, lol.
My parents and I are very close as well, and it would definitely make me happy if they liked the names I chose for my kids, but they don’t, lol. And they are not at all “out there” names, my mom just doesn’t like them very much, but told me that it’s not her decision what we name our kids.
I don’t think you should dismiss a name you love just because your mom doesn’t like it.
Once you have a kid, it will be their name and she will love it for that reason!
My mom is the relative I’d be the least concerned about when it comes to snarky opinions or negative comments, honestly. There are certain members of my family who don’t necessarily try to be rude, but… they have zero tact. The idea of filtering their opinions doesn’t compute. My mom would never openly admit she hated a name being considered for one of her future grandchildren unless she was directly asked if she disliked it. Her response would probably be, “I wouldn’t have chosen it for one of my children, but go for it.” If I thought she really hated a name, I know it goes against everything I wish I would do, but I’d probably reconsider. She wouldn’t have to love the name, though.
I fully agree with you that family’s opinion is important. Not appreciating the people who brought us in this world and helped up become what we are is the world’s world’s thing. I would suggest to discuss with your partner and family and try to find a solution that pleases all of you
It does matter to me. I’m very close to my mum too and I want her to love her grandchildren’s names like I do (so far, so good!)
We have broadly similar tastes but she named her children 20+ years ago, so naturally some names strike her as ugly or weird when they’re actually right on-trend at the moment.
[name_f]Astrid[/name_f] is one I [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] but I know she dislikes. It’s still on our list and I can still see us using it in the future, but her dislike is certainly a strike against for me.
Ohhhhh how little I care. I could not care less about my moms opinion on names if I tried. She lost her name discussion privileges when she shot down my brother and his wife’s discussion for their first baby. The first name they brought up she hated on and they immediately stopped discussing it with her. So she brought it on herself. We have discussed in private, the names they are considering for the second baby, and I know my mom would hate their choice again so we all agreed it’s best she doesn’t know.
I know my personal taste in names is a bit out there comparatively, nothing outlandish, but my mom is big on the trendy top 10 names and anything outside them will be hard for her to swallow. I know she will not like or appreciate any of my well thought out choices, and it’s frankly not worth the stress of the discussion!
If my dad was still around, I would consider having the discussion with him about names for a baby and his opinion would have carried some weight, but we were far more alike.
Ultimately it’s not a deciding factor, but it does matter. As it is, I was sceptical to DD’s name (which was DH’s suggestion) originally and when I told my mom she responded “oh, what a beautiful name!”. Her enthusiasm made me reconsider it and well, the rest is history…
I love my mother but I don’t really care what she thinks. She likes some of the names I like and knows my current favs but when it comes time to name an actual child I am planning on keeping it between my SO & I. She has a very mainstream (top 20) taste. I don’t want to ruin a name I love by telling her.
I know I def. will not be telling my future [name_f]MIL[/name_f], she has VERY traditional tastes and I could picture her being really opinionated if we included her in the name conversation. She has said some not so kind things about other people’s baby names in the past.
Personally I didn’t discuss any names with anyone besides my husband and I wouldn’t do it differently if we ever had more children. I stick to the view that it is the parents’ privilege to name the child. BUT you said you can’t or don’t want to stick to that “rule” so in light of your feelings I would also bring up what other posters have, which is, what does your mom say about it? Have you asked her not about the names themselves, but also how much say she wants to have in the matter? She might surprise you and tell you herself that it’s none of her business and wouldn’t that make things easier? And if she says it is really important to her to like the name, then at least you know you are both on the same page.
My mom doesn’t like my daughter’s name at all, dd’s a yr old now and she still doesn’t like it. However, my mom does like her nn a lot, so there was a nice compromise. Although I did want my mom to like my daughter’s name and I did listen to all her name suggestions it was not a deal breaker that she didnt like the name I chose. We have very different tastes in everything so it is no surprise she didnt like any name we came up with. Everyone wants their childs name to be liked, I wanted my mom to like dd’s name but she doesnt and I love the name enough not to care.
My mum is fully aware of my preference for names that aren’t common/popular, I’ve told her of a few names I love and she’s not always been a huge fan of them but she doesn’t comment negatively. She respects it is my choice and after all, she named her three daughters different names that weren’t popular at time of birth, with different spellings, so she doesn’t have a leg to stand on anyway!
I’ve never really discussed names with my mom, but I think I could have a pleasant conversation with her about names, particularly if I was actually expecting. I know she would be respectful of my likes even if it was something she didn’t like personally (I am guessing she wouldn’t necessarily like names that are very trendy like Laeklyn or something). However, I think that discussion would go particularly well because our style is fairly similar, judging off my sister’s and my names. We both prefer establish Portuguese/Spanish language names, and both feel/felt honoring that heritage is/was important. My style is probably slightly more eclectic than my mom’s, but not by much. For instance, if I had been a boy my name would have been [name_m]Nicolas[/name_m], and I like the name [name_u]Nico[/name_u]. My youngest sister would have been [name_m]Marcelo[/name_m], and [name_m]Maceo[/name_m] is my favorite boys name. For girls I like names that are a bit shorter and punchier, like [name_f]Paola[/name_f] or [name_f]Dahlia[/name_f], than the names she chose (Mine and my sisters names are similar stylistically to names like [name_f]Daniela[/name_f], [name_f]Tatiana[/name_f], and [name_f]Isabela[/name_f]), but overall the style is very similar. I probably wouldn’t share my name choices widely before having a baby, but were I to I don’t think either side would have many qualms. All in all I wouldn’t want a name my close family hated, but they definitely wouldn’t have to adore it either.
I don’t believe anyone’s opinion except the parents matter, and I don’t share my actual choices until a living child is named.
I do understand the want for “approval” from loved ones (mother or other) but in my general experience, original name opinions mean little within 12 months of knowing the child.
(Note this has only proved wrong once that I know, where the chosen name was a recent incarnation then spelled creatively…)
If you, and your partner, love a name then seeking approval from someone shouldn’t be your priority. Would you accept a veto of a favoured name (you and your mother loved) if your partner’s mother didn’t approve?
