As is true of most people on NB, I’ve been developing my taste in names (and my list) for YEARS.
My sweet spot is with names that are uncommon/unusual/rare, but accessible. The kind that I would picture making someone think “I’m surprised more people don’t use that name!”
I’ve never been able to get him to discuss names before (he doesn’t at all get the obsession), but now that we are expecting there’s finally a reason to, so he’s reluctantly starting to look around. After some prodding, he browsed a few lists and came back with suggestions that are… well, fine, but nothing exciting. Many are lovely names, but very popular (top 20). Many don’t go with our surname in my opinion, but he doesn’t think that matters.
It’s tough, because I don’t want to criticize his choices and scare him off contributing to the search. He’s also very hesitant to give opinions on my list, so I fear we’re both just trying not to hurt each other’s feelings. I’d hate for us to dance around like that until we’re close to the due date, then it comes to a head. I’d love to create a shortlist we’re both happy with SOON, so that we can ruminate on it for awhile and give ourselves a chance to fall out of love with our choices (happens to me all the time).
Since we’ve been together for nearly 10 years, I’m not used to having issues like this with making decisions together!
**edited to add: we’re actually not having this problem at ALL with girls’ names. We’ve been able to discuss them with no problems, so I guess our taste just lines up there. When it comes to boys’ names, however, we’re stuck.
TL;DR – finally got husband to look at some names, but it’s backfiring as our priorities don’t line up. He just likes what he likes and doesn’t care whether it’s overly popular, trendy, dated, etc. while I prioritize unusual and fresh. [name_m]How[/name_m] can I work on a compromise with such different priorities?
It’s just a matter of negotiation. Some ideas…you name girls, he names boys; you give him a list and free rein to choose any name on it; one chooses the first name, the other chooses mn and nn; ask him to keep an open mind and bring in more name ideas in coming weeks in hopes he’ll hit on something you like.
Are there any names on his list that you like and could you perhaps suggest an alternative that’s less popular but sounds/looks/feels somewhat like the names he has suggested?
I’m in a similar situation and I’m giving my husband some ground rules, e.g. nothing in the top 200 will ever be acceptable to me. It at least gives us a starting point.
[name_m]Both[/name_m] of you could come up with names, put them on one long list, and then each of you get the chance to veto a certain number (depending on how big the list is this may be a small or large number). Once you both have used all you vetoes agree to ruminate on the list for a set amount of time before returning to it and continuing with the discussion/veto process.
I tried a variant of this, but the problem I’m having is that he’s finding workarounds. He likes [name_m]Ben[/name_m], but [name_m]Ben[/name_m] is so popular. So he suggest [name_m]Benson[/name_m], nn [name_m]Ben[/name_m]. Which sort of solves the problem but mostly doesn’t (for me).
We have an ongoing list on google drive that we can both edit, but the furthest that’s gone is both adding names. Our taste seems to be so different that we never ‘click’ on a common option.
I actually made my husband a sweet-16 bracket with my top 16 names that I could live with. I paired them up and made him narrow it down set by set. Eventually we got to the top 4 (I was surprised at which ones made it) and we picked together from those.
