I’m due in early [name_f]October[/name_f] with our first baby; we are staying team green, but for the past few weeks, my husband and I have been pretty much agreed on THE girl name (first and middle) we want to use if it’s a girl. This agreement did not come easily! I have been an insane name nerd for years and had to sacrifice so many of my favorites after it turned out that my husband did, in fact, have Opinions about names too. 
Anyway… the name we have chosen is a lovely two-syllable, unusual word first name + my middle name as the middle name. (The middle name is also my mom’s maiden name. It’s a one-syllable word name that often doubles as a female first name when spelled differently).
For privacy’s sake, let’s say the name we’ve chosen is “[name_u]Vesper[/name_u] [name_u]Lee[/name_u]” (although the real middle name/family surname is way less common than [name_u]Lee[/name_u]). I’ve always loved my middle name and having the possible opportunity to use it on a daughter makes me so excited. We have not told a single soul about our name choices since I want the name to be a surprise along with the gender at birth.
However: my first cousin (my only cousin on my mom’s side), who was like a brother to me growing up, and his wife are expecting their first baby one month after ours. They just found out they are having a girl, and announced her name on Facebook a few days ago. The name? “[name_u]Harper[/name_u] [name_u]Leigh[/name_u]”. They said that because the “[name_u]Lee[/name_u]” surname is a family name for my cousin as well (his mom’s maiden name since she’s my aunt) and they are wanting to honor someone on his wife’s side, they did an honorific double-duty by altering the spelling slightly to [name_u]Leigh[/name_u].
When I saw the news I started bawling (yay pregnancy hormones?). I realize I’m probably overreacting but I was so heartbroken that not only did they also use the family name as a middle (wouldn’t have been an issue by itself, as my cousin has every right to use that name), but they paired it with a popular girl name that has the EXACT number of syllables and the EXACT word ending as the way-less-common first name we had chosen.
And yes! I know my sadness sounds ridiculous and I know nobody “owns” a name or can “patent” a baby name. But, as I was trying to explain to my bewildered husband, it felt as you might feel if you were about to secure a patent on a really cool invention that you’d kept secret…and then RIGHT before you did that, somebody else – unconscious of your intent-- swooped in and secured their own patent for an extremely similar invention. You’d be crushed! And that’s how I feel. 
We still plan to use “[name_u]Vesper[/name_u] [name_u]Lee[/name_u]” if it’s a girl but I can’t help feeling that the shine has been taken off the name a bit for me.
I totally get it! I’m so sorry this happened Maybe you should consider another name? I’m sure there are great names out there that are very meaningful in some way to you and that you’ll love ! 
I understand feeling like the name lost some of its wow factor now. I was actually in a similar situation this last pregnancy. We planned to name our final child Orwell and possibly call him [name_u]Ori[/name_u]. (Not even definitely, we don’t pre plan nicknames, we chose names with lots of nickname potential.) Without knowing that my best friend of 26 years named her son [name_u]Orion[/name_u], and calls him [name_u]Ori[/name_u]. My husband and I said we’d still use Orwell as it’s a different name, my friend lives 45 minutes away so it’s not like the [name_m]Oris[/name_m] would see each other often… But it felt less spectacular.
One night we were talking and I mentioned I still didn’t understand why he vetoed [name_m]Truman[/name_m] months before and suddenly he couldn’t figure out why he did either. It was a lot more meaningful to us… so we changed it! In the end I was really grateful my friend chose a similar name because I think the fact that it took the spark out of our originally agreed on name is what made my husband and I reflect on our runner up names. And I think [name_m]Truman[/name_m] was the better choice for our son all along.
That’s just a side story. I’m not trying to say you need to reconsider. Honestly [name_u]Vesper[/name_u] [name_u]Lee[/name_u] and [name_u]Harper[/name_u] [name_u]Leigh[/name_u] likely sound way more similar in your head than anyone else’s. I bet almost nobody else will notice the similarities of their first names. And in the long run, it won’t matter at all.
I think perhaps your hormones are getting the best of you. Your cousin has the right to use that middle name, especially as it honors both his and his wife’s families. And [name_u]Harper[/name_u] is a name that is rising in popularity, so it’s not a surprise they would choose it. I think you’re taking this personally when it’s really not.
I get this feeling totally. But I think that the name you chose will still be special! The first name is probably more unusual than your cousin’s choice and you’re sticking with the original spelling of your family name. If you’ve wanted to use “[name_u]Lee[/name_u]” this long, I think you should stick with it!
I definitely sympathize, but I don’t think your name has been ruined. [name_u]Vesper[/name_u] and [name_u]Harper[/name_u] are different names and different styles and [name_u]Vesper[/name_u] is way less common. The similar endings and middles give them a cute cousin connection but your name choice will still stand out. Plus anyone who doesn’t know your cousin won’t see that connection.
I understand the feeling. We had a very similar situation happen with my husband’s cousin. If you like the name, I’d still use it. Also, there’s a 50% chance this is a boy and by the time you have a girl, it’ll be farther down the road and you may feel better about [name_u]Lee[/name_u]. Especially since they used a different spelling…
What about [name_f]Leah[/name_f] instead of [name_u]Lee[/name_u]? It has the honour value but is a slight variation. [name_u]Vesper[/name_u] [name_f]Leah[/name_f] is a little disjointed but still pretty. Another option would be [name_f]Verity[/name_f] [name_f]Leah[/name_f] which is gorgeous.
Are they huge To Kill a Mockingbird Fans? Lol
I wouldn’t worry too much about the middle name being similar, if it’s an important honour name then it will still be special to you. Middle names aren’t usually really seen or used to day-to-day life that often anyway apart from legal documents.
My heart definitely goes out to you. I’m sure I would feel very similar if I was in your situation. I love honor names and they are a major priority when I am coming up with names (I know not everyone feels the same). The good news is your cousin used an alternate spelling and your plan was the original. Also, you have just as much reason to use the name as he does since it is a family name. [name_m]Just[/name_m] like nobody can fault him for choosing it, they can’t fault you either. I also feel that there is something special about having 3 generations of women in a row being connected by the same name.
PP made a good point earlier. If this child is a boy this name may not be an option anyway. Later down the road if you have a second child (when this hurt isn’t so fresh) you may love your current girl pick again.
Thanks for all the encouraging replies here-- they are just what I needed to hear/read. I’m feeling much more confident about sticking with our original “[name_u]Vesper[/name_u] [name_u]Lee[/name_u]” girl choice now if we have a little lady! I just needed to ramble to process my feelings and I so appreciate y’alls empathetic responses.