[name_f]Helena[/name_f] is SO’s mother’s middle name, pronounced exactly like [name_f]Elena[/name_f] (they are native spanish speakers). I love [name_f]Elena[/name_f], and I think it’s a beautiful and feminine middle name for top choice [name_u]Rowan[/name_u], and I love the nod to his mom, but I’m worried that not spelling it the same might come off as rude?
The thing is, we’re in the midwest and people here (my family included) would no doubt pronounce [name_f]Helena[/name_f] like [name_f]Helen[/name_f]-ah (which, for me, has a sort of Ms. Trunchbull vibe—not what I’m going for). I just don’t want it to come off as me trying to erase their culture/language from the name. Would it seem that way?
I know as the middle name it hardly matters how it’s spelled but even my own instinct is to say [name_f]Helen[/name_f]-ah and I really don’t want to have that association every time I see her name written.
Personally, I’m of the belief that it’s perfectly okay to honor someone by using a variant of their name rather than their exact name. However, since I’m not familiar with your SO’s culture I have no idea if his mom would consider that rude or not. Have you asked your SO what he thinks? He might have a better idea of how it would be perceived since it’s his mother.
Actually, spelling it so that the pronunciation would be more similar could be seen as more honoring to his mom than using the same spelling when it would likely be pronounced differently. But again, that’s just my opinion. No idea how she would feel about it.
I agree with marie23! I know many people who have named their children with a variant spelling/pronunciation of a family member’s name. Definitely nothing wrong with dropping the “H”, especially if the pronunciation is going to be very confusing. I’d ask the SO as well, but I’d hope that they wouldn’t have a problem with the variation.