Hey Berries,
The hubby and I are seriously considering names for a little one (human) and I am having slight reservations on committing, after the disaster that followed the adoption of our not so little ones (dogs) in 2012.
To truly capture the big picture, I feel I must enlighten you to the details of this dog naming calamity. Shortly before I met my now husband, [name_m]Randall[/name_m] (more on him later), I was wallowing in the dregs of relationship that was as good as over. The man I was seeing was giving me subtle clues that the spark was no longer there, changing the locks was the first hint. And I, a go-getter through and through, did what any sane person would do when faced with a challenge. Naturally, I found myself the proud owner of two majestic great dane puppies. These dogs, destined to be enormous, were just bold enough to get me few more months of courtship with my aforementioned lover. To contrast the statement of the canines I decided to stick with simple, classic names… [name_m]Samuel[/name_m] and [name_f]Eloise[/name_f]. [name_u]Sam[/name_u] and [name_f]Ella[/name_f] for short. Cute and simple was the goal, but it is no longer cute and simple when I realized that [name_u]Sam[/name_u] and [name_f]Ella[/name_f] sounds a lot like Salmonella when expelled from my lungs at the crack of dawn, trying to stop my precious cherubs from leaving a double helping of dane-sized doo doo on Ms. [name_m]Johnson[/name_m]’s hydrangea bush. This has earned me the embarrassing title of Salmonella [name_f]Lady[/name_f] in my town, but unfortunately for me the dog names stuck, so did the image of explosive diarrhea that is sure to flash in my neighbors’ mind when they whisper said nickname behind my back.
Anyway, my current problem is thankfully much smaller than the two massive pooches who are currently breathing down my neck, and so help me GOD, I hope to keep it that way. Berries, that’s where you come in. I am in desperate need of assistance when it comes to naming the clump of fibrous tissue and muscle residing in my uterus. Before I get to the list of names my darling and I are considering, which I know you are chomping at the bit to hear, I feel I must educate you on the personality of the man in question. When it comes to my sweet [name_m]Randall[/name_m]’s personality, you don’t have to look much further past nothing. There I said it, my husband is boring. He goes to work, comes home, reheats yesterday’s leftovers before plopping the couch to catch the latest rerun of Big Bang [name_u]Theory[/name_u]. Yes, the man’s favorite program is BIG BANG THEORY. That in itself really captures the character of this man. You may ask, how does a woman so fond of grand, dare I say great (dane) gestures, end up with a man as bland as [name_m]Randall[/name_m]. I hate to be crude with you Berries, but I feel over the course of writing this we have become friends so I am not embarrassed to share with you that [name_m]Randall[/name_m] is a real humdinger in the sheets, if I may be so bold. Where the man lacks spunk her sure makes up for in the bedroom, which is how I got to writing this post in the first place. So, without further ado, I present to you The List.
- [name_f]Tulsi[/name_f] - a soldier’s heart. Not a huge fan of her politics, but that streak of grey in her hair exudes power, power of which I hope my child possess at least a little.
- Tamantha - There is a story here. Tamantha is the name of a guidance counselor in the high school where I am a part-time water polo coach. Honestly Tamantha is a huge witch with a capital B, the way she is always popping her gum or filing her nails when she is supposed to be bumping up the GPA of my star-player. C’s get degrees, but they don’t grant you a spot on the scholar’s championship team and a little fib can make that unpleasant GPA be an insignificant bump on the road to success. A more significant bump landed Tamantha on the short list for potential baby names and our dear guidance counselor’s beloved pet in the feline ICU after I accidently ran over it with my ten speed. The vets say she will pull through but the flaming pink cast that is now encasing Snowball’s torso has not made me [name_f]Tamatha[/name_f]’s favorite person. I think naming my first-born offspring after her will win me my spot back in her good books and my star-player a starting position.
- Honduras - No explanation needed.
- [name_m]Richard[/name_m] - I know what you are thinking! Too Boring, Too Simple. I already made that mistake with the dogs and now my neighbors think of excrement in their drinking water whenever they see me coming down the block. Obviously, this is [name_m]Randall[/name_m]’s favorite name and he is about as exciting as generic brand parmesan cheese sprinkled sparingly over a bowl of whole wheat noodles. I need some PIZZAZZ in my life and my child’s name might bring me some joy I am so lacking these days. But [name_m]Richard[/name_m] brings me a secret pleasure and I’m going to let you in on that secret. I LOVE KEITH RICHARDS. The way that man swaggers on stage with the Rolling Stones melts my heart. The way his face has warped with age and extensive drug-use is simply irresistible. When I look at him my unspeakable feels different and I’m not afraid to say it. No celebrity has ever done it for me the way Keithy baby has. That is what I call him in my head or when I visit the private shrine I have developed for him in my attic. [name_m]Randall[/name_m] has never discovered the shine because he is too busy involving himself in whatever antics [name_m]Leonard[/name_m] and [name_m]Raj[/name_m] have gotten into most recently. But if he ever found out, I don’t think he would be too happy about. You may be surprised to hear, but [name_m]Randall[/name_m] is the jealous type. At least his feathers get a little ruffled when I insist on calling my ex on his birthday, valentine’s day, [name_u]Christmas[/name_u], and the first and last day of Passover. The last couple calls haven’t gone through though…I wonder why?
Well, Berries, there it is. What do you think? Be Honest. I really need your help and I guess I needed to get a few things off my chest as well. Sorry this post is so long…I honestly have more to say but those puppies I mentioned earlier now weigh 56kg each and over the course of writing this post I have found myself up to the clavicle in slobber. These pooches need their dinner like [name_f]Tamatha[/name_f] needs to get her roots touched up. Here I go being catty again, no pun intended, I just cannot help myself sometimes.
I wish you the berry best,
[name_u]Love[/name_u], [name_u]Wren[/name_u] J.
Another vote for Honduras! It’s the most exciting option. Maybe Honduras [name_m]Richard[/name_m]? Lol