[name]Hi[/name] Berries, I need help convincing my husband that he is INSANE. You 'berries haven’t let me down so far so I’m hoping you’ll come through again.
We are due with our first baby (a girl!) this 12/8. His parents have been planning their 40th wedding anniversary since last year - and they’ve planned a HUGE party in [name]Florida[/name] at Disney World with the entire family coming. His mom and dad and sisters (and their husbands and kids) all live in the Netherlands so we’re lucky if we get to see them twice a year - and dear hubby does miss them all a lot. I love and adore all of them too so I totally get that. Also, his mom has 9 sisters and brothers, all with kids, and a number of them are also planning on being there. It’s going to be a really fun and amazing experience.
BUT… it’s all scheduled to happen around Dec. 21ish - over [name]Christmas[/name] until around the 28thish of this year. If [name]Baby[/name] Girl comes on time (which, who knows??), she’ll be 2.5-3 weeks old when it’s time for us to get on the plane and fly the 4.5 hours to [name]Florida[/name], and then we would be staying for a week with a newborn infant in a hotel room in Disney World. As most of you can probably see, this does not appeal to me at all. I understand people take 2 week old babies on airplanes - but that doesn’t mean I want to! She’s our first and although I’m going to try hard to not be that over-protective, paranoid, first-time mom this just sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.
None of this is even talking about all the what-if’s: what if baby is late/early (preemie?), what if I have a c-section, what if delivery really messes up my back as badly as we’re afraid it’s going to and I can’t walk, etc. etc… I have tried to talk him out of it but he gets so upset. I’m really not up for fighting right now so I change the subject. Honestly, I even tried emailing with him mom about it and she just seems to think it’s all fine and dandy too. So have any of you been thru anything similar to this? What would you do? [name]How[/name] would you handle it? I know it’s still pretty far off but it’s a big deal to me so it’s weighing on my shoulders… I guess I worry about letting him (and the rest of the family) down. I’ve already mentioned maybe he could go alone, and take along lots of pics of baby girl to share, but he doesn’t seem interested in being away from the baby (and me) that early.
Whew, sorry for the book. As always, thanks so much for your thoughts/advice/tips!!! <<hugs>>
I’d give him the option of going on his own and reserve your right to stay home (but if all goes perfectly, and you and the baby are up to it, agree to go when the time comes).
Ooh, that’s a tough one. I can see where you’re both coming from. I think you’re right in that there are so many variables - even if you wanted to go, you can’t guarantee it would be a viable option (for example, if you had a c-section, you might not be physically capable of travelling). I think you need to explain this to your husband and let him know there’s every chance that going won’t even be an option. However, if everything works out well and you feel up to it, maybe you could consider going if it means that much to your husband and his family? I think once you’ve actually had the baby and he sees how incredibly overwhelming new parenthood is, he may change his mind about going, too. Unfortunately, that’s a way off yet! Good luck
It may become perfectly clear when the time comes. [name]Just[/name] try to stay positive and “flexible” now and do what is right when the time comes; and if staying home is “right” then do it. You will know in [name]December[/name]. For now focus on this growing baby! (Hubby may completely surprise you when his precious daughter is born and not want to risk traveling with her even!)
I think you should give him the option of going alone. It’s your first baby, no need to add more stress on top of that! Especially when it’s a newborn. You need the time to adjust. He really has no clue what you’re up against, once the baby comes, he’ll probably change his mind, but not sure if that’s too late for you to say you’re not going.
Basically you have to compromise: he goes, you stay home with baby, seems fair enough to me, if he can’t handle that, then he shouldn’t go imo.
As for letting the family down, well they shouldn’t have planned the trip so close to your due date! So I wouldn’t worry about that, plus I’m pretty sure most people would understand not wanting to take a newborn on such a crazy trip.
Also taking a baby to Disney World would be more stressful than fun imo. You can’t ride the rides unless someone is watching baby. It’s an infant, not used to crowds, strange noises, would probably cry most of the time. You’ll have to take breaks for feeding, changing, etc…
On a side note, I loathe babies on planes. It’s so annoying to hear a baby cry when all you want to do is sleep, especially on long plane flights. I will never take a baby on a plane for that reason.
Then again, I have no kids, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. It basically comes from the complaints of my friends/family. However, I am positive that if I was in your situation, I would refuse to go, but then again I’d like to hope that my husband knows me well enough that he wouldn’t even consider asking me to go.
Sarahmezz: it’s definitely a toughie and I’ve been puzzling over it for a month now. Finally dawned on me this afternoon to post here on NB and see what kind of great ideas/suggestions I could get.
Beatrixolga: that is a very good point, he may completely change his mind once she’s actually here and he’s holding her and being wrapped around her perfect tiny little finger! I certainly hope so anyway
ETA: [name]Just[/name] wanted to point out that, like I said above, I have already given him the green light to go by himself! He just really doesn’t seem interested in that at all. I know he wants me there and he wants us all together - and I think part of it is also that he wants to “show off” his first baby girl! Everyone will be in one spot for a change so it would be a really convenient time to meet everyone and show off the new baby… but then again, even that makes me nervous! All those germ-y people! Anyway, thanks again
I work at Disney World, and believe me, the LAST place you want to be around christmas time is disney world! It is the most crowded time of the year, and the amount of people that are there that bring their sickness and unhygienic-ness to the parks and hotels, it’s not worth bringing a new born baby! I understand that he wants to see his family, but I’m sure they’ll understand if you don’t go. I also don’t think it’s a last minute decision kind of thing. Plane tickets get more expensive the closer you book them, and around that time of year flying in to [name]Orlando[/name] is no fun!
What about inviting his family to you before or after their trip?
@chelsz26: ooooooh, thanks for the first-hand Disney info, I’ve never been that time of year. Sounds awful with a newborn!!! You reminded me of one other thing I forgot to mention too, I can’t work the expensive-plane-ticket angle either. Hubby is a pilot for a commercial airline so we fly free. Normally an awesome thing but this time it’s just another factor working against me. Haha!
My friend took her month old baby on a ten hour road trip to see family and said it was actually not a bad thing with timing/baby’s young age since she slept so much anyway. BUT that was a car ride, not a plane, and she was going to stay at a house not a big crowded hotel. Disney with such a young baby does seem like an unhealthy/unhygienic idea and that’d be my concern.
If he’s so strongly for going, what are your options for refundable plane tickets? Not sure if you can pay extra for the option to cancel or change the dates. You’d have to consider the hotel reservation as well…
(eta didn’t read about him being a pilot… But there is the expensive hotel still…)
I’d give him the option of going by himself but it’d be too soon, too stressful and not a good idea for the baby to be in such a densely crowded public place.
What does your obstetrician (or pediatrician if you’ve met one yet /ask when you do) say about the trip? You could use that angle that your health professional doesn’t recommend it…
[name]Even[/name] if you don’t have a c-section, you still will likely be healing “down there” and do you really want to be traipsing around Disney world not only wiping your baby’s bottom, but dabbing your own with witch hazel every time you use the bathroom. Awkward/gross plane bathroom moment! Oh and good luck changing baby sanitarily there.
if you are breastfeeding your baby will start building immunity from your breast milk. However at that early, the immunity is just starting to build. Your child won’t yet be immunized against the really horrible diseases that are very life threatening at that early stage. With that many people and those many germs in such proximity that really isn’t safe for your baby. I’m not a super germ-aphobe, but that is definitely a limit that even I would be worried about reaching.
So I’m a mummy of 2 and very early stages with baby #3. I’m torn on this one. Now having number 3 my view is very different to when I was prefer with #1. So I will remember to nearly 4 years ago when I popped out my daughter
I reckon he has to go it alone, stay home or let you be totally flexible when the baby comes. That first 6-8 weeks of motherhood is hard. Despite what everyone says, you really have no idea how your life changes and every first time mothers experience is totally different. I had an emergency c-sec with my first and there was no way I was going far for about 1 month. But I was blessed with a baby that slept, ate and pooed through her first 3 months of life. So if I had chosen to go away she would have been a dream. But not all babies are like that! At all! My son was similar. I sometimes forgot I had another one he was so quiet. Of course…when they finally wake up after that 3 month mark…well, it’s a totally different story!
Now after two…I accept that other people’s lives don’t stop cause you have a baby, that there are germs everywhere(!) so there’s no point in being too much of a germ phobe (shopping trolleys are actually the most germy thing out there!) and my kids have a brilliant immunity as I didn’t cotton wool them too much.
But all of this is after having 2 kids. You need to be a little gentle on yourself being a first time mum (or mom ). You will not know how it will be for you till that bub comes into the world. Yes, everyone will say “oh all it does is sleep as a newborn”. And that could be true. But they aren’t you. Only you can make that call. Yeah, hubby can have input but I still think the final decision is up to you :).
Good luck!!!
Oh and another add. If you go to Disneyland, I would assume that you would leave bub in the pram/stroller anyway. If you’re concerned about contact with others, just have minimal contact with people (particularly those that you don’t know) and encourage those that will have a lot of contact with her to get their whooping cough vaccine up to date.
I just wouldn’t. You would be relying on everything going well, which is not guaranteed. Some unexpecteds for me with my first: 1) over 4 hours of pushing, quite a good tear that then healed incorrectly, and I had to have it fixed after 7 weeks. All very painful. 2) [name]Baby[/name] had a wickedly hard time latching, which resulted in my milk not properly coming in, which resulted in many a meltdown. 3) A fun onset of PPD that I did not see coming in any way, about 3 weeks in that lasted several months. Not trying to freak you out, it’s just that there are things you can’t anticipate. I wanted to hold and snuggle that baby all the time because things were hard, and because I could, with only one child. Having to travel, have baby in and out of carriers, car seats and whatever else would have put me over the edge. All of the other things with baby’s immunity, etc, are also huge. You only get to do the ‘first baby’ thing once, and I would just say, put yourself and that baby first. You are the one giving birth. If your DH goes, be sure you’ve got some help lined up for yourself, just in case, even if that’s just to get a few meals in. Best of luck, whatever you decide. [name]Trust[/name] your gut feeling on this one.
I can pretty much say that at two to three weeks after I had my first I was not ready at all to travel. Certainly not to someplace that was going to be packed full of strangers. I’m not a huge worrier about germs but like others have said little babies don’t have the immunity or the vaccines yet. [name]Even[/name] now with number 3 on the way (late [name]December[/name]) we don’t know if we will go on a week long trip to see a good friend and his family and that friend will be deploying for 2yrs. If you see family once or twice a year I would have to take a polite pass and stay home. It sounds miserable to me personally. Maybe he can go and you can skype a few times so you and the family still get to see and share the new baby but you get to be snug at home.
Let him go on his own. I’m sure he’ll understand you might not feel up to it 2 weeks after giving birth. I’m sure his family will understand two. When I gave birth 3 months ago, my [name]MIL[/name] got tickets for the circus. My son was only ten days old. Did I go? Heck no! DH took DD and met [name]MIL[/name] at the venue… and the circus only lasted a few hours. I would’t want to travel a long distance and stay at a hotel with a new born either.
You couldn’t pay me enough money to be at Disneyworld (or Disneyland, and I live in L.A.), with a newborn, two weeks after giving birth, around the [name]Christmas[/name] holidays (the most INSANE time of year at a Disney theme park), with a large group of people.
It’s unfortunate that one of your rare chances to see your husband’s relatives will coincide with your daughter’s earliest newborn days; if you choose to stay home, hopefully everyone will understand you didn’t make the decision lightly. In any case, you have to do what’s best for you. Good luck
I think you and DH need to sit down and talk through your concerns and decide together that it is just not the right timing for the 3 of you to plan to go. It’s sad that you will miss it, but life goes on and you will have other opportunities. Could someone in his family bring a laptop and you guys have a bit of a Skype party one evening while they are all in Disney? Perhaps you could even send gifts to each other to be opened during the party as a fun little bonding exercise. If DH is not interested in going alone, don’t push that matter, but stick by your instincts that you aren’t going to be “into” it – trust that gut feeling, I really feel it’s the best choice for you guys. I think it’s important to make this decision now so everyone is aware of it and does not start with the guilt trips! Also, you and your DH will be able to come to terms with your decision and not feel as if you are missing out on things or making people upset.
Here are a few snippets of my personal experience with similar topics.
my DH’s family has a family reunion each year. one of my [name]SIL[/name]'s is due next [name]Wednesday[/name] with her 2nd… #1 is only 13 months old. My [name]MIL[/name] MAJORLY pressured her to commit to coming to the reunion on [name]Saturday[/name] 7/27! [name]SIL[/name]'s first baby was 8 days overdue so she was totally not into this idea because who knows if the baby will be here, be late or anything! [name]MIL[/name] continued her guilt trips, but my [name]SIL[/name] and [name]BIL[/name] persisted and notified everyone early on that they would NOT attend this year. Everyone was able to get comfy with the idea and we made plans to all get together at later date once things settled with their family. The reunion would be a 9 hr car ride by the way, not quite a plane trip or a situation where it’s tough to plan something down the line, but I wanted to point out that their assertive communication (and consistency between my [name]SIL[/name] and [name]BIL[/name]) was what helped smooth things out with the rest of the family.
We flew from NY to [name]CA[/name] when our first was a month old. We were moving there though so we really had no choice in taking such a small infant on a trip. We flew back to the NY area when she was 3 months old and then had a long car trip (to the previously mentioned annual [name]July[/name] reunion…) that was more of a nightmare than the plane portion of the trip. being in a car and out of your home is so touch with a newborn. Feeding and changing logistics - bottle warmers, dirty diapers, breast pain/engorgement - it’s all possible those first few months with a newborn and I much prefer shorter duration trips, day trips, or closer to home events! [name]One[/name] thing I’ve learned as a mom is KEEP IT SIMPLE! Life is crazy enough, it’s ok to take the easy road and stop to enjoy the slow pace of life at times. Having a newborn is a great excuse for this.
if you don’t do so already, Skype is a powerful tool for families living in different areas. We have never lived in the same state as our families. My kids are very close with DH’s family though because we Skype with them so often. If you get creative, you can really have a great time. We read stories together sometimes on skype - the grandparents sent care packages and we open them together “live” and we try to have a set, standing time each week that we know is our nana and papa time! the kids love it. Next year, our family will be moving to another country and one of the biggest comforts I have in that is that we will have the ability to “see” our family and friends back home.
My husband used to work for an airline and the benefits are not what they used to be. Flights are more and more overbooked so the chance of flying standby is less and less. I’ll be having my first in [name]August[/name] so can’t give you advice on that angle but pretty sure you don’t want to be sitting in an airport stressing about getting on a plane or not, you probably won’t get to sit together and I would think close to the holidays is the worst time to try to use those benefits ( at least what we were told and other friends experienced). And hopefully there won’t be any weather too that causes flights to fill up. I think it just one of those trips to decline on and people should understand, since you don’t get much say on when the baby actually decides to make their appearance!
Talk to your pediatrician! Most pediatricians recommend cocooning your baby for the first 6 weeks, until the baby can get her first shots. We were told not to go to the mall, church, or large family gatherings to protect our newborns. I would especially be wary of people from foreign countries and avoid any place similar to Disneyland. Then you could blame the pediatrician for skipping the family reunion!
Okay, I can sympathize with him wanting to see his family. But there is no way in hell I would get on an airplane, stay in a hotel room, and be in a crowded theme park like Disney with a newborn. Especially since it’s your first. The first 3-4 weeks of [name]Rowan[/name]'s life, I checked on her every 10 seconds. I was a nervous wreck. My honest advice: don’t go. You will regret it. You need that time to adjust to parenting and feeding a newborn. Plus, [name]Florida[/name] is hot and full of bugs.
