Hey Berries! I need your help! My son just turned one and does not sleep through the night. He still co-sleeps with us. I’m still breastfeeding him and he just wants to nurse all night. I was okay with it before because I didn’t work and would just take naps when he would nap. But I just started a new job and I need my sleep. Hubby likes him sleeeping in our bed but I would be okay with him sleeping in his own crib.
Berries what sleep training method did you find worked for you? Any tips or advice?
[name_m]Hi[/name_m]! I’m sorry, that sounds really hard. I am sure there are lots of different approaches that could work, but I can tell you what worked for us and maybe that will be helpful. I am a big believer in sleep. Of all the things I focused on with my three kids, sleep was always #1. It’s just so important for everyone’s health and for everyone – children and parents – to function at their best. So we would put the kids in their cribs early on and would cut out (gradually) nightly feedings as soon as the pediatrician told us it was OK to do so. I would put your son in his own crib (ideally, in another room) for bedtime and tell him gently but firmly that this is his bed and this is where he will now sleep. He will fuss and cry because it’s not where he wants to be, and I would let him fuss for a bit (maybe 10-15 min, whatever works for you). Then I would come in, if he is still screaming, and tell him again, firmly, without picking him up, that this is his bed and he needs to go to sleep, and that you are very close in your own room, but that you are going to close the door now, etc. Then I would leave him alone for a slightly longer interval, and keep doing that until he falls asleep. Which HE [name_m]WILL[/name_m]. He will eventually fall asleep. In his own bed. The first night will be the toughest, but then the next one will be a little easier, and easier, and easier, until he gets used to his new routine and goes down with minimal fussing. In terms of night feedings, I would first make sure that he is gaining weight properly (talk to your pediatrician) and doesn’t actually need the extra calories. If everything is good on that front, I would start cutting down the feeding gradually until you are no longer feeding him at night. If he wakes up crying asking for a nursing or a bottle, I would tell him that now is not eating time and that he will eat in the morning. Again, I would make sure he is getting enough food during the day, obviously, and is only really night feeding for comfort. Also, if he wakes up at night and starts crying, don’t rush into the room. Sometimes babies/ toddlers fuss for a few minutes and then fall back asleep. Wait to see if he really starts crying before going into the room. Finally, I would make sure you have a consistent routing at night so that it’s familiar to him. Whether its bath time, a story, a song, certain sound machine, whatever, I would make sure you stick to the routine (and to the actual bed time) as much as possible, especially as you transition him to a new sleeping arrangement. Sorry for the long post. I really hope it helps. [name_m]Just[/name_m] remember that it gets easier, and you can do this! it does get easier, just stick to it!! Good luck!!
This is not so much advice as commiseration - our kiddo also just turned one and is still bedsharing and nursing all night. Here’s what we’re trying:
We’ve been lackadaisical about doing the same routine in the same order at the same time every night…what good is the routine if it’s not routine? We say goodnight to the animals and to each room as we turn off lights and make our way to the bathroom; we brush our teeth; we go the bedroom, change R’s diaper and put his PJs on; we read a bedtime story; he nurses to sleep; I get up and go back out to the main house. Not ideal, but it sort of works.
To gently break that nursing-to-sleep-at-bedtime association, I’m working on unlatching him before he’s fully asleep. It’s a gradual process, but eventually, he should be able to nurse, unlatch himself, and pull away and fall asleep on his own.
I’m at a loss as to how we should transition him to sleeping in his crib (which is currently set up as a toddler bed right next to our bed). If we try to move him to it after he falls asleep, he wakes up within minutes.
We’re reading [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] Pantley’s The No-Cry Sleep Solution…I’ll update to let you know if we find it helpful.
We might try putting his crib and a twin-sized floor-bed in his room, and start by continuing to nurse him down/bed-share at bedtime in there…then, when he wakes up and we know he’s not hungry so much as seeking that comfort/sleep association, his papa will go in and soothe him back to sleep. If that works, we’ll keep doing that and cutting out one night nursing at a time until he’s done nursing at night (theoretically, he’ll sleep for longer and longer stretches if he’s not waking and needing to nurse to fall back to sleep).
Our daughter actually slept way better once we were able to move her into her own room (about 10 months old). We would have done it before but we were living in a one-bedroom flat when she was born. It helped a lot because we weren’t constantly waking each other up. However it didn’t entirely fix things because she still expected milk at night. It seemed like she was really hungry and just couldn’t go to sleep without it, and she probably was hungry from habit, but we went on waaaay longer than we needed to. At that age she really did not physically have a problem with going the whole night with no food.
Once we finally managed to night wean we pretty much had it cracked. This required a team effort and lot of angst I am sorry to say. It also took us a few tries because we were terrible about slipping back into bad habits. She would be ill or something and we would say, OK, tonight you can have some milk. This was predictably a terrible terrible idea as it was never ‘just this once’. But basically if you get him into his own room, decide a length of time you find it acceptable for him to go without milk and if he cries before that, your husband goes in. If your son is anything like our daughter he will be majorly pissed off at getting dad rather than mum with the milk. [name_m]Just[/name_m] tough it out. Your husband can do anything to comfort him, offer water, cuddles whatever. But you don’t go in until the time you have agreed it is acceptable (even then, if that time comes during a struggle or period of crying don’t go in until he’s calm as you don’t want him to learn that if he just makes enough fuss for long enough, he’ll get what he’s after). Move the time later and later until finally you have a ‘no milk at night’ rule. You can still comfort him etc but no milk. Offer water perhaps.
For us, once we had truly broken the association between night wakings and getting milk she finally stopped waking at night. We felt like such idiots and also a bit guilty that we’d been keeping her (and ourselves) up at night for feedings she really didn’t need. I am definitely NOT saying that this will certainly be the case with your son as all children are different and he may stop needing milk but still wake loads and need cuddles or something. But it’s probably worth a go really making an effort with the night weaning. At his age if he’s otherwise healthy and typical, honestly he doesn’t need to eat at night.
I’m so sorry to hear about your troubles. My son slept in our room but in his own cot until his was 9 months and then he went into his own room so I can’t really help much based on my own personal experience.
I would recommend starting out putting him in a crib in your room next to your bed and then slowly transition him into his own room. I would firmly tell him when putting him to bed that he must sleep in his own bed and that’s that.
"how to teach a baby to fall asleep alone’ guide by [name_f]Susan[/name_f] [name_u]Urban[/name_u] would be perfect for u. The method is without CIO, short and clear instructions so there’s no way it won’t work. Helped me so much with my son and I started to sleep train him when he turned 11 months. The guide’s in the form of e-book so it’s very handy. I’m fascinated with it!
Good luck
I don’t have anything very helpful to offer. [name_f]Nola[/name_f] also bedshares and breastfeeds all night. My plan is to wait until she’s 18 months (as I heard this is a good age as they have more of an understanding of what is going on) and then gently night wean her. There are children’s books you can get to help, I think one is called Nursies when the sun shines. Once she’s night weaned, I’l start thinking about transitioning her into her own bed. Unless things have magically just improved by themselves by then!
I’ll probably be returning to work in [name_u]January[/name_u], so am a little apprehensive about how tired I’ll be. But I go to bed really early, which seems to help me get enough sleep.
My baby [name_f]Vali[/name_f] sleeps in her nursery since she was able to sleep all night long… She was about 7 or 8 months old. She sort of made a fuss at the beginning but she was okay eventually. We knew sleep was numer one prority for all of us so we taught her really early. She obviously woke up some times at night but it’s now much better. As a pp said, we used to wake each other up and we weren’t sleeping properly.
It’s first time that I’m posting something in the internet but I just thought that my words can help somebody. So I also used the ‘how to teach a baby to fall asleep alone’ and I think it must be the best guide about sleep training. The main reason why is that the guide gave me really nice and clear instructions how to use the HWL method that simply works. I regret that I didn’t know about this guide with my first child.
This guide is fantastic. [name_u]Urban[/name_u]'s advice in this book has completely changed our life. Solved all our sleeping problems. It gives very reasonable advice on sleep training (middle ground, not cry-it-out or attachment parenting). I followed the advice given, and my baby started to sleep through the night after ONLY 3 days. I’ve recommended it to a few friends already. MUST [name_u]READ[/name_u]!
Thanks so much for sharing
Update: I’ve been sleeping much better! [name_u]Ali[/name_u] is still co-sleeping with us but we have reduced night feedings to only 1-3 times a night and that has helped a lot! I’m hesitant to stop altogether since I feel like my supply has really decreased since I started working. We’re planning on co-sleeping til he’s 18 months, then moving him into his own room and also stop breastfeeding… maybe if it seems like he’s about ready to stop. Thanks for the replies Berries!
I’m gonna go ahead and close this thread since it seems we’re just getting spammers about [name_f]Susan[/name_f] [name_u]Urban[/name_u] sleeping book.
