HELP with name change logistics! (long one, sorry!)

General Name Discussion
1

[name]Hi[/name] Berries! I apologize in advance for the lengthy explanation. I’m just really hoping you can help me navigate my hopelessly sticky name changing situation.

As some of you may know, Sessha is not my legal name. I have gone by Sessha for nearly ten years now, first as a nickname among my friends, then throughout my personal life as I was introduced to more and more people, and when I moved away from my hometown, in my professional life as well. Now the only people who still call me by my first name are my immediate family and the few childhood acquaintances I’m still in contact with. I would like to make this change official, and put Sessha on all my legal documents, but even this is fraught with drama…more on that in a moment.

When my husband and I were planning our wedding, we chose to modify our last name. His is a one syllable word name that sounds a lot like Strong. I had no particular attachment to my last name…my grandmother was married three times, and her second husband adopted my father, so my family has no blood ties to our last name. My husband and I chose a name for ourselves that sounds a lot like Kellar, and has deep personal significance to us. But when it came time to explain to the Strong family that we were both changing our last name to Kellar, there was major freak-out. Apparently the Strong family has lived in this area for like 300 years, and they are very traditional people. To avoid completely alienating my new in-laws, we compromised with a hyphenated last name: Kellar-Strong.

Because he’s not taking my maiden name, and I’m not taking just his last name, we have to petition the court to allow us this new name. It’s a very long and complicated process and is going to cost a stupid amount of money, so I have decided that when we change our last name it would be crazy of me not to go ahead and resolve the Sessha issue at the same time!

My problem is this: I really almost hate my first name. I have a cross-gender name ([name]Shawn[/name]) and it’s caused me no end of grief my whole life. I’m so over it. But my parents will be broken-hearted if I get rid of it altogether. They made me promise just to add Sessha without removing [name]Shawn[/name]. I actually like my middle name, [name]Kristin[/name], well enough…certainly much better than my first name. Plus Sessha and [name]Shawn[/name] are so similar that without [name]Kristin[/name] in there to break things up it just sounds like smushmush! But if I add Sessha in there somewhere so that I have two middles, with that double-barreled last name it’s going to get kind of ridiculous @_@

So I basically have no idea how to arrange my new name!

[name]Shawn[/name] [name]Kristin[/name] Sessha Kellar-Strong? (oh my gosh, so long…and does it really solve my problem? I mean, yeah Sessha would be on my paperwork, but as a middle name and people still assume you go by your first name for everything that matters)
Sessha [name]Shawn[/name] Kellar-Strong? (-sha Sha-?? yikes)
Sessha [name]Kristin[/name] Kellar-Strong? (my ideal, but parents would be seriously devastated)
Sessha [name]Kristin[/name] [name]Shawn[/name] Kellar-Strong? (is it just me, or does this sound weird? Maybe if it was [name]Shawna[/name]…but that opens up a whole other can of worms…)

I just don’t know you guys…I need some outside opinions!!!

2

Oh, love, I have a first, to middles, and a double barreled surname. The two middles won’t cause any issues for you, most likely, as it’s never caused me issues. However, the double-barreled surname? Yeah, that can be a nuisance, especially since you’re adding one that’s not your inherently.

Honestly, I’d get rid of [name]Shawn[/name] all together. Especially since you don’t like it at all, your parents named you and you didn’t like it, it’s not the end of the world. (Then again, I’m the one changing my entire name…yep, all five of them.)

I’d do Sessha [name]Kristin[/name], drop [name]Shawn[/name] if you don’t really love it. [name]Do[/name] you really have to inform your parents you’ve dropped it legally? If not, don’t say anything about it.

3

Well, the entire name is a lot, a lot, a lot of Ks, Ss, and Ns. It’s not going to be optimal.

My answer is probably not one that you’ll like, but I just think 5 names is too much. I like [name]Kristin[/name] and think it’s very pretty, but a promise is a promise.

I think Sessha, the name you go by, should be first. “Kellar-Strong” is a given [has your husband already made the change?] . [name]Shawn[/name] should be in the middle, dropping [name]Kristin[/name].

Sessha [name]Shawn[/name], however, sounds like a stutter. Here’s my solution:

The Sanskrit/Tamil name Krishanti. Pronounced like a perfect blend of [name]Kristin[/name] & [name]Shawn[/name], it means “peace of [name]Krishna[/name]” or “devotee of [name]Krishna[/name]”; read the Bhagavad [name]Gita[/name] if you’d like to feel more solidarity with the name.

Would this placate your parents, and fit with your identity?

Sessha Krishanti Kaeler-Strong. Still a little bit of a tongue-twister, but I think it works.

4

[name]Long[/name] but good! I know this is frustrating for you, but I’m glad you’re getting it done! I’m torn though. Since you dislike [name]Shawn[/name] so much I’m tempted to tell you to take it off completely, but your parents chose it for you… and as you’re not keeping your own surname I would keep [name]Shawn[/name]. You say your parents would be devastated and I don’t think a middle name is a big enough deal to seriously hurt someones feelings over. I also think Sessha [name]Shawn[/name] Kellar-Strong has a nice sing-sing rhyme to it, kind of like a nursery rhyme or sweet quirky girl in some comic book.

I’m sure someone else can answer better, I’m just really really wiped out, just wanted to reply before going to sleep! Good luck sweetness!

5

east - really, you have five names? Does it cause you problems, or is it the same as having like a normal first middle and last? In an ideal world I’d get rid of [name]Shawn[/name] or at least change it to [name]Shawna[/name], but I feel like even that would really upset my parents. We’re already rocking the boat so much with the unconventional last name…

blade - You’re right about the Ks, Ss, and Ns. (Our last name actually doesn’t have any Ns, Kellar-Strong is just the closest phonetically). You’re also right that 5 names is a LOT. I’ve only ever had three, it just seems like a big jump. When we were going to just have “Kellar” I was okay with having 4 names, but 5 is kind of overwhelming. I also agree that Sessha probably needs to come first…half the reason I’m doing this is so that everyone stops assuming I’m a man when they see my name on paper. Sessha [name]Shawn[/name] makes me think of [name]Jeff[/name] [name]Dunham[/name]'s crazy puppet Peanut and his “[name]Jeff[/name]-fuh-fuh!” schtick. “Ses-sha-sha!!” is all I hear. Someone suggested I smoosh them together into Sesshawn but I just couldn’t stomach it!
Bladey, I love, love, [name]LOVE[/name] Krishanti. It has a very mystical gypsyish sound to it, makes me think of those little stores packed with scarves and lanterns and tapestries and incense and clothes made from hemp and bamboo. If I could just do Sessha Krishanti without any repercussions I would do it tomorrow. I cannot imagine my family having a positive reaction…especially if they learn the meaning of the name (they are very conservative Independent Baptists). But I love the idea enough to broach the subject with my mom and feel out her reaction.

lori - thanks so much for your feedback. I do love [name]Shawna[/name], but I feel like leaving Sessha out of the equation won’t really solve my dilemma, since Sessha is what I go by. I’m just trying to find the right way to legalize it.

otter - hi sweetie! I’m so sorry you’re feeling yuckers…I send you lots of mental hugs and cups of peppermint tea! I’m so torn too, I’m glad I have you guys to help me get a fresh perspective on things. I hated [name]Shawn[/name] growing up, and I feel less animosity towards it now that I [name]DO[/name] go by Sessha…but [name]Shawn[/name] is just not my name, you know? She’s the person I would have been, perhaps, if I’d stayed in the South and been a good little Baptist girl, studied music ministry all four years at university, worn my skirts below my knees and pantyhose everyday, been modest and proper and gone to Germany to be a nanny and piano teacher for my dad’s friends like he always wanted me to do. But I quit university to study holistic health, I moved to the opposite corner of the country, the only stockings I own are sugar skull thigh highs, I drink wine and dance and smoke green things and keep the Sabbats. I’m a totally different person now…wearing the name [name]Shawn[/name] is like putting a flower child in a three-piece business suit. It’s stiff and awkward and ill-fitting when what they really want is to be free and unencumbered. I’m babbling on and on, I know, but it’s the weekend and I’ve had a few glasses, so there’s that.

Thank you all for being so helpful and supportive. Nameberries rock my socks :slight_smile:

6

Sessha, I’m so glad you liked Krishanti. It seemed inspired, almost pre-ordained, to me.

You know, you can’t google the meaning of the name Krishanti, unless you read Hindi. Your parents might not ever need to know its Hindu origins. You might explain to your parents, you liked both the names they gave you, but five total names were too many. You invented Krishanti to include both [name]Shawn[/name] and [name]Kristin[/name], and to work with your surname.

The real meaning can be kept just for you, like a little jewel in a jewelbox.

7

Well then I’d drop [name]Shawn[/name] and choose Krishanti which is beautiful. I just thought you didn’t want to upset your parents… I know how you feel, my names are pretty buttoned up for me, and there have been plenty of times over the years I’ve almost changed my name to something more hippie-ish and romantic but I haven’t because my parents would be upset (I did however remove one of my names in my late teens, I was in a frenzy/manic state and didn’t think. I keep wanting to add it back but haven’t gotten round to it yet! My parents don’t know…). But it is your name and you choose what you want! A flower child named [name]Shawn[/name] does seem odd, and Sessha is pretty perfect! The reason why someone chose a name isn’t always that precious (my mum and dad simply picked two names of the family tree and gave them to me).

Wine, oh how I miss wine! I’m allowed one glass every now and then, but I miss the long nights sitting in jasmine scented rooms with bottles of delicious reds and absinth on the floor… I hope you’re having a happy imbolc sweets!