Hello Berries,
My husband and I are thrilled to be welcoming our fourth child, a baby girl in [name]December[/name]. When we first told our children, my eldest two were ecstatic. We’ve been decorating the nursery and including the kids in everything, getting them excited for the arrival of the new baby. My four year old, who’s been the baby all of her life, is not happy that there will be a new baby in the house soon. [name]How[/name] to I make her excited about it instead of feeling jealous about her new baby sister? Has anyone else faced this problem?
Congratulations!
I have two children and while I have not faced your exact problem, we have pleanty of sibling jealousy around. My oldest had a mix of excitement and jealousy with the new baby once he was born.
My initial thought is that your four year old is intitled to her opinion. Children at age four are more self-centered than they are later in development. They can also change their opinions very quickly. I think empathy will go a long way with your 4 year old.
You have already considered that the 4 year olds reaction is less about the baby and more about her relationship changing with her parents (perhaps siblings as well). While it is true all the relationships will change to accommodate the new member of the family, many things will stay just the same. Repeatedly informing your little one about her importance in the family and to you and how your love for her will not change will be reassuring to her.
Your 4-year-old may also feel like she has very little control in the evolving situation. Asking her if there is something she would like to do to prepare the family for the new baby may be a way to help her take charge and have a greater sense of control. It does not have to be something for the new baby either, it could be for the rest of the family. I am thinking she could plan fun activities the siblings can do together while momy is laying low with the new baby. Or, she could create some artwork or a song list for mommy to take to the hospital when she has the baby.
[name]May[/name] daughter loved reading books about becoming a big sister when her brother was coming along (she was 3 years). These books promted discussions about what life would be like with the new baby and how her relationship with the family would and would not change.
best of luck to you!
Congratulations!
I’m still growing our first, but I can imagine how difficult that must be. I know that four year olds can have short attention spans, but considering that your two older kids are excited, you could maybe try having a family discussion about how fun it is to become a big sister (and brother). You can also push the ‘Mommy’s little helper’ thing - use a doll or stuffed animal to teach her how to hold, feed, swaddle, change, and bathe a baby. Sure, she probably won’t be doing any of that with the real baby, but it might make her feel more involved. More like a big sister and less like she just used to be the baby.
Maybe try to involve her in your pregnancy… let her paint your belly and have a little at home maternity shoot and encourage her to talk to the baby. Ask if she wants to feel her kick or let her pick the coming home outfit. If she still isn’t into it, that’s okay. She’ll learn to love her sister over time. I also agree with lynae about making it clear that she will never be any less loved.
Good [name]Luck[/name]!
Thank you both!
With three children, my husband and I do try our best to give equal attention to each of our children, especially since they’re all still so young and we want them to know how we love them all the same. [name]Lilou[/name] definitely is the boss of the family (haha), so I did think that it would be the biggest adjustment for her, and even more so when the baby actually arrives. I love both of your ideas about doing crafts with her for the baby, and letting her read books about being a big sister, I do think she’d love that. Seeing her so upset about not being the “baby” anymore does make me sad for her too. I’m hoping that when she holds the baby she’ll realize just how much she loves her baby sister. Thankfully my 7 year old is ecstatic and is constantly suggesting names for the baby to me and my husband, while my 5 year old, my only boy, is begging us for a little brother next! Ha!
Hugs. My youngest (who will be 4 in January) is actually indifferent. She isn’t upset persay, but is “who cares” anytime it comes up. I think for her, she just doesn’t quite understand and once the baby is here it will be more “real” but until then, whats the big deal? Buy her a “big sister” shirt, make a big deal about her being a big sister, buy her a gift from the baby to give to her for when she meets the baby for the first time. Even if she isn’t super thrilled, she she will see she is important and the baby is “excited” to meet her.
I honestly forget what we got the older two when Vio was born, but, “baby violet” got Linus a new Madge (Thomas train…his. first Madge lost the back part) and he was so happy about this, lol.
My sisters daughter is a little under 3 weeks younger then Violet and has a brother who turns 2 in December. I try to equate their sibling relationship to how Vio herself will be a big sister, but again, she sees her brothers and sister as older. But if your daughter has a friend who has a younger sibling, that might help draw a comparison.
Congrats to you on your upcoming “newbie”!
Hows four kids compared to three? I’m a bit nervous and very excited about having a fourth!
Yeah I think that hopefully she’ll get more excited when the baby is actually here! When we talk about the baby she reminds us that she is our baby, and it will take some adjusting for her to have another ‘baby’ in the home. My brothers two are 8 and 5, a close age difference between [name]Lilou[/name] and the new baby, so I may use that as an example for her!
My eldest was an only child for the first seven years of his life. He was pretty happy when he found out he was going to be a big brother, even more so when he found out he was getting a little sister (who wouldn’t want his toys…hahaha…so not the case) but when she was born he looked at her like she was an alien, wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. He came around after a few weeks then he just loved her.
She is now 4 years old, and the second oldest so I have a child your age and like you I’m expecting. I have the kids be interactive with my belly even though I’m still early and you can’t feel kicking or anything. I’ll ask her if she likes this name or that name, and she’ll kiss “the baby” (my belly) repeatedly throughout the day. She’s really excited about the baby, and my almost 2 year old comes over and kisses my belly too just like her big sister does!
Maybe [name]Lilou[/name] will come around and get excited, or maybe she will fall in love when she sees the baby, or maybe it will take a few weeks. Eventually she’ll find her place in her new role of being a big sister and be comfortable in it.
I actually just posted on the due date thread about going from 3-4…had read this post of yours in the morning, then for some reason when responding to a post on that other thread responded on there, oops! I guess go check it out, I have about another 5 minutes to myself (very rare) until DH and Vio get back from picking up Subway and do not feel like cutting and pasting. 
Ha! That’s adorable about your sons excitement for a sister! My son is now begging my husband and I for a little brother already. He’s already beginning to feel even more outnumbered, going from 2 sisters now to 3!! My eldest is so helpful to me, she loves helping me with both [name]Mason[/name] and [name]Lilou[/name], and she’s ecstatic that there’s new baby coming. I think that might make [name]Lilou[/name] upset too, knowing that she’ll have to share her big sister even more. I think I might talk to [name]Lilou[/name] about the baby, and take all of the kids to my next doctors appointment to let her ‘see her sister’.
@jemama I completely understand your being hectic. I’m only home with [name]Lilou[/name] right now, my eldest being in second grade and my son starting kindergarten. When [name]Lilou[/name] was first born, I had three at home so that was definitely the most difficult. [name]Annalise[/name] was 4, [name]Mason[/name] was 1, and [name]Lilou[/name] was a newborn, so that was definitely hectic. I think adding the fourth will be a bit easier, once we’ve all adjusted ([name]Lilou[/name] especially). Congrats again on the fifth though! My husband and I planned to stop at 3, but being pregnant with my 4th, my husband is already talking about having a 5th! We’ll see about that though ha!
Since we have 2 boys and 2 girls, stair stepped even ( and another son in our hearts too of course) people are weird about “they only come one way, and so far you have 2 of each”. (Eyeroll…“million dollar family/2 million dollar family” we have been told we have…another eyeroll since happy children of any gender is what makes a million dollar family imo not having a certain number of each gender)
I can say that my older 2 honestly do not care what gender the baby is, [name]Linus[/name] wants another brother and Vio like I said, is indifferent. I think once your son sees his new sister, he will be enthralled. He probably does not remember at all when your youngest was a baby, so just having one in the house will be a new experience to him.
Yeah I think he’ll just be excited to have a new baby sister. I can kinda sympathize with him because I’m the only girl out of 4 big brothers, but I think that [name]Mason[/name] will be a protector over his sisters, like my brothers were for me. And plus, he has quite a few boy cousins who he loves playing with too.
I agree with the comment about involving her. I remember my Mum really involving me when my little sister was born, all those years ago. Now, last year, when I had my own daughter, we had to do the same thing with my sister’s daughter, who had been the only child in the family for two years. Although cousins, they’re very close, and I was very careful to involve M in my daughter’s life. She found wipes in the bag, she would hold the nappy, she’d coo and smile at [name]Dolly[/name] when she cried. They really are wonderful together 
[name]Hope[/name] your daughter will feel the same.