I hate to sound ungrateful but I have been feeling really sad lately and it’s not in my personality to go through periods of depression.
I have to wonder if post partum depression can be delayed but my baby is almost a year!
I feel like every holiday this year, which were firsts for my daughter, didn’t work out in some
. I feel disappointed that I didn’t pull them off!
Hurricane [name]Sandy[/name] pretty much cancelled Halloween (my fave), Thanksgiving & [name]Christmas[/name] we were in the process of moving & [name]New[/name] Years we were finally in the new house which was a great feelings but in days it’s my daughter’s first birthday and we have nothing planned & I hoped to do a big birthday, but in all of the moving chaos I let it all go!
I think I just feel like a bad mom who isn’t good at making holiday magic happen! Has anyone else felt this?
I won’t comment on anything psychological or the possibility of this being post-partum depression, as those topics are not my field. But I will comment on what I can relate to:
The feelings you’re describing sound to me like feelings of carpe diem, that idea of seizing the day and not wasting or missing a single moment. It sounds like you pressured yourself to seize these first holidays for your daughter, and you had certain expectations that you felt obligated to bring to pass, but in the end it didn’t happen the way you envisioned. I felt the same way about our first holidays as a married couple, both this year and last. Up until I got married two years ago, I lived at home with my family where holidays just happened FOR me. Last year I realized that it was up to me to make [name]Christmas[/name] happen in our home now (because you can’t leave things like that up to husbands ). I had very specific expectations, and did what I could to make them happen, but any time I got derailed it did cause me stress and a sort of sadness, as if I had missed out on something that I could never get back. In your case, you never CAN get your daughter’s first holidays back, but two things you could focus on are 1) Were her first holidays BAD, or were they just not what you expected? and 2) You have so many holidays ahead of you that you can make special for her!
You are going through momentous changes as a family. The changes that disrupted your family holidays are good changes in the long run. This year may have sucked because of the move, but just think of all the beautiful holidays you will give your daughter in your new home! I don’t know if any of this helped, because nothing I say can give you your daughter’s first holidays back. But even if the “holiday magic” didn’t happen in the way you expected, perhaps holiday magic did happen in different ways. You can’t hold yourself accountable for things that were out of your control. If you really feel like you missed [name]Christmas[/name], maybe you and your family can do a special little [name]Christmas[/name] in [name]January[/name]. Put [name]Rudolph[/name] on, string some colored lights around the living room, and eat cookies together! You can make holiday magic happen whenever you want to.
Thank you! This is just what I needed! Our holidays weren’t bad…they just weren’t what I hoped & dreamed of.
I also think this is about starting a special tradition for my daughter. I didn’t like the aspect of driving all over to see all of these divorced grandparents & not having time for just the three of us! I need to create a tradition for just us! And maybe stop being so hard on myself too.
[name]Hi[/name] Taz,
I wanted to add that, in my experience, postpartum depression can definitely kick in at about 1 year postpartum. There is so much going on in your child’s development that requires a superhuman amount of energy from us moms, and it’s incredibly common to develop PPD. A lot of people downplay this (and depression in general), but it can become worse if ignored. If you feel down, it can be very helpful to talk to your doctor, so that he or she can get a feel for how to get you feeling better.
). I had very specific expectations, and did what I could to make them happen, but any time I got derailed it did cause me stress and a sort of sadness, as if I had missed out on something that I could never get back. In your case, you never CAN get your daughter’s first holidays back, but two things you could focus on are 1) Were her first holidays BAD, or were they just not what you expected? and 2) You have so many holidays ahead of you that you can make special for her!