Honouring someone who has already been honoured...

My aunt, who was like a second mum to my siblings and I, passed away ten years ago.

My siblings have all since had kids, and bar one brother we are all a very close family.
I don’t see my brother’s family, as me and sister in law don’t get on due to a very far-reaching past history. The only family member who still speaks to them is one of my other sisters…

My [name]SIL[/name] gave birth to a daughter eight years ago and named her [name]Elsbeth[/name] in honour of my aunt, whose name was [name]Elsa[/name].

I was gutted at the time- I’d always planned to honour her when I had my own kids.
I named my other kids happily, without using [name]Elsa[/name], but increasingly I’m feeling that I’d love to use the name too.

Is this acceptable? I’ve (sadly) never met my niece, and am not likely to do so, but there isn’t any denying that we’re all family.

Feeling very conflicted as to whether this is right or not.
[name]Hope[/name] some opinions from here might give a little clarity!

Maybe you could just use [name]Elsbeth[/name]? That is a pretty name too. But I guess if you don’t see reconciliation in the future and you think you will never be around them, I don’t think it would matter at all. You are free to honor who you wish even if you were close to them, in my opinion. IF you were in good standing and associated with them, I would suggest using [name]Elsbeth[/name] for a middle and [name]Elsa[/name] for a first name instead.

No one owns a name, and you’re not choosing it to be spiteful…it’s a sweet and noble reason…you want to honour a loved one! You could use [name]Elsa[/name] itself, or another version…[name]Ilsa[/name], [name]Elsie[/name], [name]Elise[/name], [name]Elisabeth[/name], [name]Elizabeth[/name], [name]Eliza[/name], [name]Ella[/name] etc…there are just so many versions and routes you could take!

It’s not like you and your [name]SIL[/name] both happen to like the same name…like [name]Charlotte[/name], for a random example…and though she got to it first, you are still going to use it and so there. This is a completely different scenario. Especially since you never see them!

Many close cousins share the same family name. Plus since it’s your brother’s daughter if you are married you probably have a different last name, no? That way they won’t have identical names (first & last).

The fact that there’s already a rift there might make the use of the name come off differently. More as a slight directed at the brother than an honor to the aunt. I think I would consider that and all of the negativity it could bring into your life.

If you don’t want to deal with the family drama you could always find a less overt way to honor this aunt (favorite flower, birth month, special place to her or you, her mn, her surname, fave color, anything associated with her, her profession?)

Or put it in the middle or don’t use the nieces name?

I share a middle name with two cousins in honor of the same person. It’s never been an issue.

I don’t think I’d use [name]Elsbeth[/name] as a first name, just because that was your [name]SIL[/name]'s spin on it and could come off more as a copycat move to the sister you both do speak with, but using [name]Elsa[/name] or another variation of [name]Elsa[/name]…absolutely fine in my opinion.

Maybe you could use your Aunt [name]Elsa[/name]'s middle name instead? I don’t think I’d use [name]Elsbeth[/name] but definitely use [name]Elsa[/name] as a mn (or fn if it’s your style).

I second that.

I’m confused. [name]Do[/name] you want to use [name]Elsa[/name] or [name]Elsbeth[/name]?
If you used [name]Elsbeth[/name] then it’d seem like you’re copying. If you use [name]Elsa[/name] then it’s no big deal

If you use [name]Elsa[/name] it’s fine, but I wouldn’t use [name]Elsbeth[/name] since that was their spin on the name.

I think it’s totally fine for you to use [name]Elsa[/name]. [name]Even[/name] if you saw them more often, or start to in the future - it’s a different name, it’s for family reasons, and now too, if I read your post right, it sounds like [name]Elsbeth[/name] will be much older than your little [name]Elsa[/name]? So that also makes a difference, I think. Best wishes!

Thanks, this has put my mind at rest. Am putting [name]Elsa[/name] on the table, and think we’ll test the water with family to see if they think its okay or swimming toward trouble…

Yes, we’d use [name]Elsa[/name] and not [name]Elsbeth[/name]!

There’s other names beside [name]Elsa[/name] and [name]Elsbeth[/name]. Her full name was [name]Elsa[/name], right? There’s [name]Elsie[/name], [name]Elisa[/name], [name]Elise[/name], [name]Eliza[/name], [name]Lisa[/name]…

If her full name was [name]Elsbeth[/name], then you could use [name]Elisa[/name] [name]Beth[/name] (or simmilar) as first and second name and call her [name]Elsbeth[/name].

Regardless how you aunt full name was, you could still use [name]Elsa[/name].