My grandfather always used to laugh when he thought of his high school friend, [name]Jeffrey[/name] Artz, who went by the name “[name]Jeff[/name].” [name]Say[/name] the first and last name together, and you’ve got “[name]Jeff[/name] Artz.” [name]Say[/name] it faster if you can’t hear the phrase. Then, there’s a distant cousin named [name]Richard[/name] Handler, who, um, goes by the name [name]Dick[/name]. Seriously. Not. A. Joke.
So, I thought I’d start a thread in honor of [name]Jeff[/name] and [name]Dick[/name], dedicated to horrible name combinations/horrible names. Have you come across any other winning combinations (or simply some horrible names in and of themselves), and if so, could you share them?
Ooh, [name]Jill[/name], those are terrible! Those poor men.
Now here’s my contribution (it’s her firstname and middle name): [name]Sunshine[/name] Deathray.
Isn’t that amazingly bad? Yes, this person actually exists: she’s a little girl–must be 2 or 3. I went to high school with her mother, and many of my friends from high school still keep in touch with her and have actually met little [name]Sunshine[/name]. If she had been a boy, they would have named her Han Solo. I don’t know which is worse.
Never met these people, only heard of them. They are real, though.
[name]Ima[/name] Pigg
[name]Benjamin[/name] (nn [name]Ben[/name]) [name]Dover[/name]
Safety First
Training First
Aid First
[name]Harry[/name] Balls
[name]Heavenly[/name] [name]Cloud[/name]
Sex Addict
[name]Ophelia[/name] Butts
[name]Hugo[/name] Butts
Littlefield (nn [name]Little[/name]?) [name]Dick[/name]
[name]Ima[/name] Wh***
[name]Harry[/name] Pits
[name]Richard[/name] (nn [name]Dick[/name]?) Banger
Semore Butts
C*** Sucker
If you go to peoplesearch.com, you can look them all up. Sorry, I think I had a little to much fun with this. *Edited so as not to offend some people. I think you still get the picture?
My husbands old boss was [name]Woody[/name] [name]Johnson[/name], everyone called him Double [name]Dick[/name]!
My great-great grandfather was named [name]Gaylord[/name], I guess it wasn’t so bad back then, though.
[name]January[/name] February [name]March[/name] (last name is [name]March[/name]), why would you do that???
[name]Magnolia[/name] Thunderpussy! This wasn’t the name she was born with, but she got it legally changed to that.
Twins, [name]Velvet[/name] and Velveeta… true story.
Twins again, Lemonjello and Orangejello.
This one isn’t born yet, but I know someone who wants to name their daughter [name]Anna[/name] [name]May[/name]. Sounds cute at first, but say it fast.
We know a man whose brother was named [name]Rusty[/name] Coffin. [name]Every[/name] time my husband thinks of it, he starts laughing! My father had a business advisor who then became our business advisor. His name was [name]Dick[/name] Kling. He loved to talk on the phone and would make phone calls all day. So my dad called him Klick [name]Ding[/name]. Have I ever told you guys the incredibly funny story of how my dad helped his friends send out birth announcements for their second son?
I knew a kid growing up named [name]Rusty[/name] [name]Ford[/name]. And the sherriff of my hometown is named [name]Randy[/name] [name]Christian[/name], which cracks me up every time I hear it.
Okay, this is the story about my dad. His friends [name]Henry[/name] and [name]Margie[/name] [name]Warren[/name] already had a daughter and were about to have another baby. They had a lot to do, so they asked my dad who was a printer to be in charge of composing, printing and also mailing the birth announcement to all their friends as soon as the baby was born. The blessed day arrived! They had a little baby boy named [name]Stephen[/name] who was a normal height and weight, mind you. So my dad who was always extremely mischievous set out to do his task. Many of [name]Henry[/name] and [name]Marjie[/name]'s friends were either pastors or missionaries, and everyone knows that they often have enormous egos, so instead of putting [name]Stephen[/name] — [name]Warren[/name] on the birth announcements that were mailed to all those pastors and missionaries, my dad made custom birth announcements for each pastor and missionary. On each separate birth announcement my dad wrote that the new [name]Warren[/name] baby was named after the pastor or missionary that the announcement was mailed to. The Warrens received many tearful phone calls from eternally grateful men who were so honored by their new little namesake!
Also my dad put ridiculous sounding heights and weights on every birth announcement that he mailed to their friends. On some he put that the baby was say, 28 inches long but only weighed six pounds. On others he put that the baby was 17 inches long and weighed twelve pounds. The Warrens received many concerned phone calls about the health of their new little son.
What was really fun was that [name]Henry[/name] [name]Warren[/name] shared this story at my dad’s funeral and everyone was laughing so hard we were practically falling off our chairs. He also shared the tortoise in the desert story, but that isn’t about names. It’s about a phone number.
I just remembered a horrible name from junior high, a girl named [name]Penny[/name] Nickle. Kids used to tease (or taunt, I guess) her that she was only worth 6 cents.
[name]Ima[/name] Pigg is actually [name]Ima[/name] Hogg. She was the daughter of a governor of [name]Texas[/name]. Insensitive parents! This is atrocious.
I knew a [name]Nancy[/name] [name]Ann[/name] (look them both up). I also know a family with seven kids named [name]Sunday[/name], [name]Monday[/name], [name]Tuesday[/name], [name]Wednesday[/name], Thursday, Friday, and [name]Saturday[/name]. I think [name]Sunday[/name]'s cute but that’s the only day name I can live with.
I think [name]Barack[/name] [name]Obama[/name]'s name is pretty bad. [name]Don[/name]'t get me wrong on this, it has NOTHING to do with politics- but his initials are B.O.!
I also knew siblings, [name]Bella[/name] [name]Yolanda[/name] E___ and [name]Benjamin[/name] [name]Yale[/name] E___. Their initials are B.Y.E.-B.Y.E.
Thank you all for these posts! Too funny (yet sad)! [name]How[/name] could a parent do this to a child? It’s amazing. I read about a man who named his daughter [name]Cora[/name] Vette, because he collects cars.
Then, there’s a distant cousin named [name]Richard[/name] Handler, who, um, goes by the name [name]Dick[/name]. Seriously. Not. A. Joke.
(I love the mischievous ones.) And don’t leave us hanging-- give us the tortoise story.