How can I help my kids accept that their brothers birthday may be on theirs?

So I am expecting baby #3 in [name_u]November[/name_u] and the due date is [name_u]November[/name_u] 15, which is my twins’ birthday. They aren’t happy about it (because at 2.5, they think that even their twin shouldn’t share their birthday) and want me to magically change it. I would love for the baby to come around [name_u]November[/name_u] 20 because that would mean that we straddled the wake between husband’s bday, the twins bday, and my bday but the twins are less than pleased that baby brother would come near their birthday. If they get a party it is planned for beginning of [name_u]November[/name_u] so that I would still be 3 ish weeks out but they still won’t accept it. I have no idea how to go forward and help them realize that I can’t control when the baby comes or that it will be ok to share a birthday month?

I was born on my brother’s birthday. He was older than your kids by a few years but he wasn’t pleased at first. He got over it and it became a big part of our bond.

I don’t know how much you can reason with such young children. As harsh as it may be, just let them know that the baby may be born on their birthday or it may not be and just leave it at that. They aren’t going to have a choice and it may just be that a new sibling is a bit change itself, not necessarily the birthday thing.

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I see your point. It just hurts to see them so worked up and mad/sad about something I can’t control or fix.

They’re 2,5 so there’s no way they’ll be reasonable about it :wink: I don’t think my oldest son was even able to look this far ahead at that age. I’d just let it go and see what happens. I can understand you don’t want your children to be upset, but sometimes they just have to learn that things don’t always go the way they want. And at that age they’ll soon forget all about it if you don’t mention it for an hour, no child that’s 2,5 can concentrate on anything longer than 10 minutes at a time.

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[name_f]My[/name_f] birthday came just two days shy of my sisters birthday (2 years apart). That also fell during the week when Mother’s [name_u]Day[/name_u] is (my poor hubby now :wink:) And for about a decade my sister was married to someone who’s birthday was the day right between ours… Personally I used to be very amused by it. Maybe because it’a just how I remember things being growing by up… and with your kids that will likely be the same thing. They’re so young now so that growing up whenever their siblings birthday is they’ll just handle it.

I wouldn’t spend so much time (or any time really) focusing on it. They’re 2! They’re emotional by nature at that age because they are figuring out what their emotions even are. But I don’t think that means they’ll be traumatized by a younger siblings birthday… whenever it is. Which since only God knows when that is Inwouldht spend so much time fretting on this. I’m sure by the time [name_u]November[/name_u] comes and the xcitement of a new baby and their approaching birthday arrives they’ll forget. [name_m]Just[/name_m] don’t harbor in on it with them

Maybe though for your peace of mind, as the time approaches, work out how in the instance that baby does comes on or near their birthday how you might be able to still make their day special in the instance that you and baby are in the hospital during their birthday. Good luck❤️

My brother was born on 9th May( Mother’s day), 6 years after my sister who was born on 10th May. I don’t remember us having a problem with it because my birthday falls on the 29th of April and we(my sister and I) always celebrated it on my sisters birthday if I wanted a school birthday party or on the 1st of May if we wanted a house birthday party. So I think we were kinda used to sharing birthdays before my brother came. I was 8 and my sister 6 so I guess we were much older and understood it.
They’ll grow to understand but now I guess you can tell them about how special it would be to have them share a birthday with their sibling.

Tbh this may seem counterintuitive or harsh but I would just stop talking to them about it. It’s so far off that at 2 I feel like if you don’t mention it, they won’t remember it. And if they do happen to bring it up from time to time, I wouldn’t show any emotion about it, I would say something like ‘hmm maybe they’ll come that day’ and change the subject. I feel like at that age they really feed off you and can probably tell you’re worried about it (because that’s what good moms do, they worry about their kids)

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Honestly, all you can do it wait it out. Children go through a developmental phase called egocentrism.

In short, “Egocentrism refers to the child’s inability to see a situation from another person’s point of view.”

Also, in a child’s mind, adults have all the control anyway. They don’t understand that some things we do have control over, and other things we do not.

6 to 8 is around when this developmental phase should end. But of course every child is unique so maybe it’ll be sooner.

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I’m surprised they even fully understand the implications of having baby born on their bday or of even having a baby sibling at all for that matter!
[name_f]My[/name_f] twins are 2 as well, (Will be three at the end of July) and they still don’t fully grasp birthdays other than that they’re fun. They also have no idea what it means to have another sibling other than knowing what a baby is.

I’m also due with #3 in [name_u]November[/name_u].
I agree with the others that said just don’t make a big deal of it. If you don’t act like it’s a bad thing they’ll have no reason to think of it as a bad thing when they’re this young.

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[name_f]My[/name_f] neice was very upset when we found out my sister in-law was pregnant and due in [name_f]April[/name_f] like her birthday is. (She was 6 about to turn 7 that year) She still has a little resentment that they share a birthday month (their birthdays are about a week apart) but overall is fine with it now.

Hmmm could they perhaps be sensing your anxiety and apprehension that baby 3 could make an appearance on their birthday maybe? Like others have suggested, I would probably not make a fuss of it and then they’d likely not see it as a big deal either.

[name_f]My[/name_f] sister had her twins on her birthday!. :blush:

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Our sixth child was born on our third child’s 12th birthday. She was NOT pleased, especially since she didn’t even want to share a birth month. Since our little one is so much younger, we’ve celebrated his birthday a few days later; he doesn’t know the difference and hopefully by the time he’s old enough to notice, our daughter will be less wigged out by the whole thing.

Best plan is to have one set of the birthdays on different weekends…or have a special day for each child (like 3 days in a row if they do end up sharing the same day - what are the chances? :star_struck:)

Twins already share lots of things as it is. Making one special day, like a meal or activity about them, might ease resentment.

[name_u]November[/name_u] will be a broke month for you otherwise :dizzy_face: if they do also end up sharing, go buy yourself a lotto ticket!