A cousin of my husband’s just recently had a baby boy. Which is very exciting! But, of course, they named him [name_m]Caleb[/name_m]… which just so happens to be our top name for a boy.
It’s very special to us. It honours my grandma, and is a biblical name which was one of our criteria. And, it’s one of the only names hubby and I agree on! We’ve been TTC for 11 months, but no luck yet.
Can we still use the name? His cousin lives in a different state, and I guess we don’t see them very often, but his family is close. If we were to have a baby boy, he would be at least 9 months younger (if we conceive this month) and probably more. The babies would be second cousins, and share a great grandparent. It is a big family, so there is lots of kids, but this is the first one to be named something remotely close to our choices. (Why oh why did it have to be [name_m]Caleb[/name_m]?!)
I’d be heartbroken to give up the name, but I don’t want to be ‘that person’ that name-steals… they had no way of knowing we love the name, and don’t know we’re TTC.
I wouldn’t, first of all they are family and I’m pretty sure both boys/parents want a unique name. It may insult them, despite the distance. I’m not sure of thw way [name_m]Caleb[/name_m] honours your grandmother but [name_m]Calum[/name_m] is very similar but unique enough, and has the benefits of the nn [name_u]Cal[/name_u].
Since they’ll be second cousin and live in different state, I think it’s not really a big deal. If his family is close I think it’s better to talk to them first though.
I agree with @luneth. It sounds like you are set on this name and it has meaning for you. When you are expecting maybe talk to second cousin [name_m]Caleb[/name_m]'s parents and tell them why you love the name and plan to use it if you have a boy. I hardly think they can/will object as it’s a common enough name, many people love it obviously! (If it was an uncommon or rare name it would be more of an issue maybe…)
All the best.
No one owns a name. Everyone, within the laws where they live, can choose the names they adore the most. It would not matter if they lived next door. There are plenty of families that share the same names, or similar names…especially in close extended families where honoring is important.
As previous posters have said, I would talk to your husband’s cousin when the time comes that you need to seriously consider the name [name_m]Caleb[/name_m]. They live in a different state, so there’s plenty of distance between you, but you made a point to say his family is close, so using the name, whether anyone “owns” a name or not, could ruffle some feathers. Some people don’t mind it, some people really do… I threw out a name because my best friend felt it was too close to her favorite boy name and I didn’t want to cause issues. It wasn’t worth it. Another close friend of mine could care less if DH and I were to use the exact same name as one of her kids. You just never know. Whatever you decide, just try and be prepared for any of the outcomes, including dealing with anger/hurt or possibly having to find another name.
I would definitely say that you should discuss with the cousin when/if the time comes. [name_f]Every[/name_f] family is different. Personally, I would never name a kid the same as my siblings’ named their kids (or same for SO), but I have a lot of cousins. I never really knew my second cousins growing up, so I don’t think it would be a big deal. That being said one of my favorite girl names, one of my cousins recently used on her little girl. It is a family name (our great grandmother) and I know at least one other cousin wanted to use it for his future daughter. At this point, we are leaving it on our list and will cross the bridge of discussing with her when/if the time comes.
I have to agree that since [name_m]Caleb[/name_m] is a pretty popular name, there can’t be much objection. My husband and his cousins have the same first & last names (extra confusing, because his uncle actually ended up raising him so they lived in the same house). They turned out just fine and this is one more step apart.
You should still feel able to use that name. My [name_f]MIL[/name_f] is named [name_f]Mary[/name_f] and she told me she grew up with a family that named all of their daughters [name_f]Mary[/name_f] with different middle names. Is that extreme? Maybe - but it clearly didn’t bother them. My husband and his brothers all have the same middle name. I have a friend named [name_u]James[/name_u] who has two other cousins named [name_u]James[/name_u], because it’s a family name. There are five people named [name_u]Michael[/name_u] on my side alone.
It would be a sad thing to compromise on a name you love if you don’t have to. I think talking to your cousin is a good idea. That said, it’s important to realize that your cousin may think differently - it’s up to you to decide how much this matters.
I’d use it. First of all- they’re not going to see each other on a daily basis. Second- if the parents had wanted a unique name, they wouldn’t have gone with [name_m]Caleb[/name_m]. It’s in the Bible! People have been naming kids [name_m]Caleb[/name_m] for thousands of years. It’s reasonably well known currently. It’s not like they made something up and you copied. Thirdly, you love this name! Use a name you truly love. You are going to say it about a billion times. It needs to be something you really really love.
In my extended family, we have a couple of new babies named [name_f]Stella[/name_f]. It’s never been a problem.
Thanks everyone! I think [name_m]Caleb[/name_m] will stay on our list for now. Our Calebs would have different middle & last names, for a start. As a few of you pointed out, second cousin is kind of distant and they will hardly know each other… I don’t know a lot of my second cousins. I think that distance will only grow as time passes, too. Their baby and our future baby will share a great grandparent, but she is very old and there will come a time when that era ends and I don’t think we will see much of this couple after that. We hardly see them now. It’s a sad thought, but I guess that’s just the way life goes.
It appears that I’m the lone dissenting voice but, there are thousands and thousands of names you and your husband can choose. I suggest at least trying to find something else that you both love. You do mention that the family is close. Also, 9 months or even 2 years isn’t that great of an age range for these boys to bond with one another. It really just depends on how often you see the cousin and their family. If you can’t seem to “shake it”, keep it, you love it and yes no one owns a name. But a name for many is a large part of ones identity and to have the same name with a relative close in age, may be problematic.
I’ll just add that most of my cousins are my 2nd cousins (my great mother started having children at 16 and stopped at 45, when her older children were already having children, and many grands and a few great grands came at the same time - that allowed for us to be close in age despite being 2nd cousins) and in “our group” we range in age from 28-39. We are very very close. Obviously the older ones are more connected and the younger one are also more connected.
I wouldn’t, personally. It’s the way times change, unique names have become more popular, and the days of having multiple family members named [name_m]John[/name_m] or [name_m]Mike[/name_m], or [name_f]Mary[/name_f] or [name_f]Ann[/name_f], have all but disappeared. I say keep searching for the perfect name for your little boy, something with special meaning to you and your partner… you will find it.
If you really want you can go through lists of biblical boys names or boys name’s with [name_u]Cal[/name_u] in them to make sure there aren’t any other options (like [name_m]Calvin[/name_m], [name_m]Callum[/name_m], [name_m]Macallister[/name_m], [name_m]Calisto[/name_m]), but I would probably just go with [name_m]Caleb[/name_m] anyway (It is a really pretty name for a boy!)
Maybe you could give your husband’s cousin a phone call and discuss it? I imagine they would be fine anyway.
I didn’t use the name [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] because my kiddo’s first cousin already had that name. It didn’t have personal significance for me though. Plus it’s so popular now, and I’m happy with our ultimate choice.
My mom had a brother and several cousins of the same name. They were all named after the same grandfather. They use their middle names to distinguish. This was done because of a cultural tradition.
It’s not terrible to have multiples of the same name in the family. It just depends on your personal preferences and how you anticipate distinguishing the individuals.
I would use [name_m]Caleb[/name_m] for your boy with zero worries. You say you hardly see the other couple; I’d say you don’t owe them a conversation, even, especially as they might try to veto what you want to do. They don’t get to pick your baby’s name. You could give them a heads-up, if you feel it necessary, but be careful to phrase it as an FYI and not as a “hope you’re not mad.”
In our family, we have an [name_f]Emmeline[/name_f] and a cousin [name_f]Emily[/name_f] (a decade apart in age, same last name), and an [name_f]Emma[/name_f] (my cousin’s adult daughter); and a [name_f]Kate[/name_f] and a cousin [name_f]Katie[/name_f] (same age, same last name). We also have a cousin [name_f]Ivy[/name_f] on my side and a second cousin [name_f]Ivy[/name_f] on husband’s side. I have a daughter [name_f]Celeste[/name_f] and a cousin [name_f]Celeste[/name_f]. I have a sister [name_f]Sara[/name_f] and my cousin named his daughter [name_f]Sara[/name_f]. We have friends we see occasionally who have several names in common with our kids, counting firsts and middles.
I absolutely think you can use it. If it was a first cousin who lived nearby that you’d see regularly, I might hesitate, but I would probably still say go with the name you love.
When you announce the name, I’d play it off as “We couldn’t believe when x and y chose it because it was top of our list too. Great minds think alike, I guess!”
[name_f]Do[/name_f] not give up a name you’d be heart broken not to use because a distant relation used it too!
My mom has a brother and several cousins with the same name because they were all named after the same grandfather. There are FOUR first cousins in the family with the same name (granted this was a cultural tradition). They clarify by using middle names. You could give your LO a middle name that starts with a J and that side of the family could use his whole name or call him CJ.
Or you may only give birth to girls and this will never be a problem!