How did you choose a name with your partner?

The way my parents did it, one would come up with a list of names, and the other person would choose their favorite from that list.

My husband and I think we might do it this way:
The first boy we have, he chooses the name.
I choose the name for our first girl.
Then we would just switch for our second child. For example, if we had a girl first, I would choose, and then he would get to choose the next boy or girl.

I’m interested to hear how other people have compromised with their partners, or how you plan to choose!

I am more into names than my husband, so our naming journey was almost exclusively me bringing a bunch of names to him and letting him tell me which ones he liked or didn’t. Thankfully, my husband really likes my naming style, so there have been few names he hasn’t liked. For our daughter’s name, I was just browsing names one day and came across her name (one I had seen before, but hadn’t really considered). I put it with a middle name I really liked, asked my husband about it, he fell in love with it, so we used it. The next child we have will probably go the same way.

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I did make a list of all the names I liked. He suggested some too. Then we talked about it for a long time.
After he chose [name_m]Arthur[/name_m] as his favorite from the list, I agreed to that name for one of our twins and I worked to find another name from the list that fit best with [name_m]Arthur[/name_m].
I suppose he did choose [name_m]Arthur[/name_m] and I chose [name_u]Jasper[/name_u] but we both liked and agreed to the names as our top picks.

The only thing I can say about the idea of taking turns naming the kids would be that if for whatever reason you only had one child then someone would lose out on getting to pick a name.
But I guess if maybe the parent that doesn’t choose the first name gets to pick the middle name then it would be fair.

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With DS1, we both made a list of our top 10 first names. The highest common denominator was the one that was chosen (I think it was my second and DH’s third). We each chose a middle name, although in reality I actually suggested both names (H e n r y & A r l o) even though DH claimed A r l o as his name :laughing:

With DS2 we had always agreed that his name would be Theodore (our second choice for DS1) however when my sister became pregnant she decided that she wanted to name her son Theodore. I admitted that now S e b a s t i a n (DS1) & Theodore were off the table, the only other boy’s name I liked was J a s p e r (the name of the first Harrod’s Christmas Bear DH bought me) and I couldn’t see my son with any other name. He wasn’t keen on it but i was pretty adamant I couldn’t find another name I liked. In the end, DH appeased me (I had a terrible pregnancy; was made redundant from my job and DS2 had severe restricted growth issues, so I think DH felt sorry for me) and let me have my own way. I told him he could pick both middle names. He picked half of a middle name (he liked Freddie, I suggested F r e d e r i c k) and I suggested H u g o, which he said he loved.

Tbh I think I had the heavier hand in picking names, but I think that’s only because I am obsessed with names and DH would give simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response rather than come up with anything by himself :laughing:

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I’m more into/opinionated about names than my husband. I usually come up with the initial list, he adds what he wants, and then we each pick our favorites, and discuss the reasons for them.
Usually he or I concede to the other one, compromise here or there, until we find the name that we love.
Ultimately, my husband would probably say that its my final choice. I try to keep his perspective in mind when making final judgments.
Oh - and did I mention that we only first discuss names after baby is born? :grin:
We completely love each of our kids names.

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We decided our daughter’s name together although like others who’ve responded, I care much more about names than my partner does so the process consisted mainly of me bringing him lists and options and him letting me know what he thought (usually the answer was a no unfortunately).

But it turned out well; we had two names we agreed on and were totally aligned when it came to our final choice.

To be honest, I think I’d really struggle with the method you’ve outlined - I’d hate to relinquish all control of the naming process!

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I think in most cases, it’s the woman who usually comes up with a list of names and the man who vetoes (for straight couples, anyway). At least that’s how it’s worked with like 99% of couples I’ve known. :laughing:

My husband and I were the same way. I made a list and he mostly said “yes” or “no”, throwing in a suggestion every now and then. With our first (a girl), he gave me final say from our short list because he knew I was way more into names so with our second (a boy), I let him choose between our top two boy names. We’re currently expecting our third (another girl) and this time around, my husband has basically let me have full naming control but he does retain veto rights.

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Similar to many before me, our naming journeys so far have mostly been me bringing a list of names and combinations to Hubby and him vetoing.

That said, he was the first to come up with our firstborn’s first name right off the bat. It wasn’t a serious suggestion, but it ended up sticking!

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When I was pregnant with my baby boy in the early noughties in the UK, I liked very unusual names for a UK resident, such as [name_m]Leyton[/name_m], [name_u]Taylor[/name_u] and [name_m]Lachlan[/name_m]. I still like this style which is more American/Aussie 15 years ago I think? [name_f]Every[/name_f] time I suggested a name there’d be a silence and a face :rofl: Until one day I was scanning the names in the credits of a TV programme and I saw [name_u]Beck[/name_u]. I suggested it to my partner and he absolutely loved it. I liked that it was very unusual and a nature name. When I told my family they didn’t like it, they said it sounds like it’s a nickname for [name_f]Rebecca[/name_f], which I do understand. I fell out of love with it a little, but my partner was so sold on it that we started calling him [name_u]Beck[/name_u] and then couldn’t imagine him being anything else. [name_f]My[/name_f] two best friends picked his two middle names and they’re less unusual. I thought he could go by one of those if he didn’t like [name_u]Beck[/name_u]. He told me recently he really likes his name. Woo hoo!

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We haven’t named a baby, but we are ttc, and since I’m name obsessed, [name_m]Ive[/name_m] already given a lot of thought to this process
We’ve already had a big conversation where I took pretty much all the names on my list I would consider using on a baby and narrowed it down to the ones we both liked. I had him pick out his absolute favorites and I picked mine and we talked about each one at length. So now we have a pretty solid top 10 or so. Thankfully, my husband and I have really compatible taste, and he’s also really lenient, because he knows names are much more important to me than they are to him.
I plan to still bring him some more names to consider, just to make sure there’s nothing out there we like even more.
Ideally, at some point I’d like to bring it down to about a top 3-5, and then bring all of those names to the hospital. I’m sure that we will have one or two clear front runners, but I really want to make sure I don’t feel pressured to use a single name if it doesn’t feel right.

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I’m more into it than him, so he let me come up with ideas and he had complete veto power to say what he didn’t like and what he liked.

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This.

[name_f]My[/name_f] Mum picked my name, Dad had the boy’s name chosen. They never had a second child. Dad doesn’t really like my name, he tolerates it, but it’s not something he had any say in. Feels very strange knowing how ambivalent towards it he is.

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We knew our middles before our first names (family names) and with a ‘teasable’ surname we both knew we wanted not too out there as a first. Thankfully we both have similar tastes. Our girl name I can’t remember who suggested it but we both love it, and our boy we have a front runner from a shortlist. I can imagine it would have been far less easy if we had different styles though.