Hey everyone – I’m interested in writing about how people choose their baby’s surname. Did you give your baby his or her dad’s surname, without discussion? A combination of both parents’ surnames? Invent a new family surname? Or what?
Hey [name_f]Pam[/name_f]! I haven’t had a child yet but my SO and I have talked about this a lot. Most likely we will go with my surname as I’m pretty attached to it and think it’s beautiful. I also like the idea of children inheriting their mother’s surname! It’s a nice break from a norm people rarely question. My SO doesn’t feel as strongly about it and likes my last name, too. We’ll see what happens when it comes down to it! Another thing I’ve considered is that a lot of the first names I love sound better with his last name–that would probably be the only reason we would go with his surname.
I have not yet had a child, but like @cactusgram, SO and I talk about it a lot, since we will likely keep our own surnames without hyphenating. I like my own last name more, but his last name sounds better with the names we like. He is also more attached to the idea of using his surname for future offspring than I am (they can change their last name to mine later in life if they so choose). We are against our children having both last names since our surnames are both sort of long, we feel it would be just a bit too much name. We have also considered making a new last name but cannot come up with any appealing combinations. There’s a lot to think about!
we don’t have any kids yet, but we hyphenated when we got married and will give our kids the hyphenated last name. if they decide to drop one later then that’s fine. We are both the last in our lines and wanted to keep our names, but we also wanted the same last name. Hyphenating was our compromise.
When we married his surname became our surname, just like our siblings, parents, grandparents, etc. When our son was born he was given our surname.
I am nowhere near marriage or having kids, but as I want to keep my last name (whether that be by my SO and I having different last names, hyphenating, or him taking my name) I imagine any child I have would have my surname in there somewhere.
It will be hyphenated. I do not believe that the dad should just get the opportunity to continue his family name by giving it to their children, and the woman should not. I could also possibly have children with a woman someday so it just makes it easier for it to be hyphenated than to fight over who gets the surname and who gets the middle name.
However, my surname is also a word. A word that has been used numerous times in the middle spot, so I did consider it as a second middle at first, but those are rarely used and I want the name to be used so I scrapped it.
I have no intention of ever changing my surname, so any children I have would either have my surname as their middle name or have my surname as their own. It would depend on the situation and their father’s surname. I’m not a fan of hyphenation or “smoosh” surnames, so those options don’t appeal.
I will use a hyphenated surname I think its very good to keep both names.
I don’t intend to change my last name when I get married and I doubt that this will ever change. I’m not sure how my last name should be a sacrifice in a relationship, because I don’t see how my future SO would be bothered by MY name. My parents weren’t married when I was born but even when they did marry, my mom kept her maiden name and I still had my dad’s last name. My mom says she did it for professional reasons but I know she also did it because she wanted to have her own identity. Many times married women are referred to as Mrs. Husband’s FN Husband’s LN and she didn’t want that. I hope to have that sort of professional career by the time I’m married, but I also agree that I want to keep my identity. My mom also loves the ability to tell people on the phone, with full sincerity, that Mrs. XXXXX doesn’t live here.
When I have kids someday, they will get my SO’s last name, unless for some reason the father isn’t around, in which case they will get mine. I don’t like the idea of hyphenating just because I feel like that could limit my name options if it gets too long. This situation works fine for my parents, and my mom still feels very connected to us and my dad even if we don’t have her last name.
No kids of my own, but I know this sort of became a problem for my parents. They weren’t married when I was born, so at birth I was given a hyphenated name, which continues to be my legal name despite my mom thinking she changed it way back. My younger brother has my dad’s name. Kind of a strange situation. We were each meant to have my mom’s maiden name as our middle names.
Obviously in the future this limits my options for when I have a child. I have two names already, if they had a hyphenated name I’d have to choose one. I don’t at all have a connection with my dad’s name, though, and I sort of feel like I’d only change my last name to my partner’s if he had a particularly nice one xD.
I was honored to take my husband’s name when we got married. Our kids have that surname as well. We honestly never even discussed an alternative and I have zero regrets.
Since I’m getting married next year, the main question I always get asked is whether or not I plan to keep my surname.
I plan on taking my fiancé’s last name, as I don’t like my maiden name, and I’m a very traditional person when it comes to that, I want to take my husband’s surname, so I plan on my children having his as well. His is a bit harder to work with than mine, as it’s very R heavy, but I prefer it to my own.
Same with me. I also do not feel I lost my identity. I wonder if some of these posters will have a change of mind when they meet that special person. It would be nice to hear from other posters that have married or soon-to-be.
We’re trying for our first, so technically no kids yet… I took my husband’s surname when we got married and that is the name our children will get. I’m so excited about it! I grew up in a family where many of us had different surnames. It was confusing and I always felt like I didn’t belong…my mom had custody and remarried, having another daughter. I was the stepkid…the odd girl out. Since then, it has always been my desire to have a family with one surname. One complete unit, especially in a visual sense. And honestly, I love the tradition of taking the husband’s name and passing it down to the next generation 
I am not a fan of hyphenated names being passed down to kids because what happens to their last names once they get married? A quadruple-barreled last name?
For example, if in the future a [name_f]Jessica[/name_f] Wilcox-[name_m]Smith[/name_m] marries [name_u]Toby[/name_u] [name_u]Ellington[/name_u]-[name_u]Reed[/name_u] then is their child going to be named [name_u]James[/name_u] Wilcox-[name_m]Smith[/name_m]-[name_u]Ellington[/name_u]-[name_u]Reed[/name_u]? Surely not.
Either two surnames will be forced to get dropped or all but one. It seems sort of silly to prolong one surname by one generation just to have it fall away out of necessity.
So my personal solution is going to be this (if it is practical): When I get married, I will double-barrel my own last name with my husband’s last name. But my children will take on my husband’s last name. This accomplishes two things: honoring my husband while keeping a significant part of my identity intact. There is no need for me to tack my last name onto my children.
The way I see it when it comes to heterosexual couples is that giving a child the father’s last name is a way of letting the dad feel included in his paternity. The mother gets to carry the child for 9 months and give birth; the father gets to bestow his name. It’s a nice sentimental touch imho.
Some might interpret the whole thing as inherently wrong but I don’t see it that way. After all, I think sacrifice is an important element in most relationships.
If I get married (which I’m not overly bothered to do so), I would never take my husband’s last name. I love the name I have and the identity that it carries and I find it very antiquated to just take a husband’s last name without a second thought. It bothers me so much when people say “you’ll change your mind when you fall in love” because I won’t. [name_m]Just[/name_m] because you don’t want to take someone’s last name, doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Would you assume a man didn’t really care for his wife if he didn’t change his last name? It’s beyond silly to assume anything like that. I am my own person regardless of martial status and I don’t belong to a man or his family.
As for children, my last name is long and [name_m]German[/name_m] so it doesn’t hyphenate well. I’ve thought of taking my mother’s very traditional maiden name of [name_m]Jones[/name_m] which would hyphenate better or just giving my children my last name, even if I am married. I would actually love to marry a man willing to change his surname to mine! I think it’s high time that naming got more equal! More children should carry their mother’s surnames or hyphenated names or smoosh names! It’s a long overdue change!
My situation is a little different because my husband is Mexican. In Mexico, everyone has two last names. The first last name is from the dad’s side, and the second last name is from the mom’s side.
I hated my maiden name ([name_m]Brown[/name_m]) so I decided to change my last name to his first last name when we got married. Our daughter was born before we were married, but I gave her the same last name I was going to take, that way we each share a last name. So for example, he is [name_m]Victor[/name_m] Espinoza [name_m]Rodriguez[/name_m], I am [name_f]Jennifer[/name_f] Espinoza and our daughter is [name_f]Noemi[/name_f] Espinoza.
I didn’t want to deal with any issues with two last names here in the US, but if we end up living in Mexico, I may have issues having only one last name.
We are a lesbian couple, even when we marry I have decided to keep my surname because of my love for my father and grandfather, because of that we’ve decided to give our child a hyphenated surname.
I never felt particularly attached to my maiden name. I didn’t feel especially connected with that side of my family. I happily took my husband’s last name when we got married.
I didn’t think too much about the tradition of it, but I did want myself and my husband to both have the same last name as our future children. I considered creating a new last name for us, but both of our last names ended in the same sound so it was sort of a moot point. He is much more connected to his family name than I was, and his name has the added bonus of being shorter and easier to pronounce and spell. All in all, the decision took me about thirty seconds.