To all my the nameberry parents and all the people who are sure of their future children’s names, how did you know that name was the name? [name_f]My[/name_f] friend has loved a name forever, but now that she’s expecting, she isn’t too sure. Any advice/stories?
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I’m not a parent yet, but I have decided on the first names I want to use. I also have some middle names, but am in the process of changing a few due to circumstances beyond my control.
All the names on my list are names that I have looked at and they have sparked something in me. I keep coming back to them time and time again. If I try to walk away and find something new, I can’t stop thinking about them. These are the ones that I would have difficulty with if I don’t try and use them. I may be having kids on my own in the future and they are the first ones I will be considering (and using). If I do have kids with someone else, I will be devastated if I don’t even try to use them. Having an emotional connection that has built over time for me makes me sure in the names I have chosen.
Depending on where she is in the pregnancy, she could set the name aside for a short while and see how she feels about not using it. If she can’t imagine having kids without using the name, then she should use it. If she can imagine having kids and not calling out that name, then it may not be meant for her to use… although it may just not be meant for the child she’s currently expecting.
It’s possible that hearing the name in her mind all those years is very different from what she is experiencing now that she’s talking about the name and others are talking about it with her? That is, if she is sharing the name and people are giving her feedback, or even just starting to reference the baby with the name.
Sometimes people get cold feet when it doesn’t sound the way they thought. That was kinda my experience with my top girl name. I loved it (still do) and swore I would use it if I had a daughter. But then I started telling people my idea and hearing them say it made me feel different.
I’ve also been surprised that my top names have grown on me slowly. I didn’t have an epiphany of “OMG it’s the one, I love it so much!” I read it or heard it… Thought it was ok… Then found myself coming back to it again and again. Without even realizing it, I fell in love and knew it was the one. (all in reference to my girl name, boy name is still a toss-up)
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I’m not a parent yet but my husband and I are positive on our top choices. We have two boy names and two girl names we absolutely love, but it took us a long time to figure them out! We each kept lists and just kept throwing out names until one caught both of our attention. Then once we agreed on one, as weird as it sounds, we just started using it all the time. Any time we’d mention the possibility of our future children, we’d use the names we’d agreed on and they immediately felt right. It’s to the point now where we feel very secure in our choices and they have naturally become a part of our lives, just like we expect our future children will.
I think it becomes THE name when it feels right all the time, whether you’re screaming it angrily up the stairs or singing it to sleep. And I think the timing is different for everyone. Some people pick their names years ahead of time and never change it. Others give birth and realize the baby they planned on naming [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] is definitely an [name_f]Emma[/name_f]. [name_f]My[/name_f] cousin [name_u]Stacy[/name_u] was supposed to be an [name_f]Emily[/name_f], but my aunt said it just didn’t fit her. I think it’s important to be open-minded and honest with yourself about why you love or don’t love a name. Then from there just trust your gut. I may just be some weirdo for thinking your baby will tell you who they are, but I really believe that if you can’t decide beforehand, that you’ll definitely know what to name them once you see them. If your friend follows her intuition and doesn’t let anyone but her husband influence her, then she’ll know when she’s found “the one” and I’m sure it will suit her child perfectly. I wish you both all the best. 
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Three of our kids were named from our list of two boy names and two girl names. When we learned our fourth child was another boy we had to go back to the drawing board. We tossed around quite a few names; I loved so many, but my husband was not on board with most. One morning I was scanning the headlines and the name practically jumped off the screen and whacked me on the head-- I was stunned and smitten. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband was sick in bed with the flu. I tiptoed into the room and said, “What do you think about [name_m]Truett[/name_m]?” “I like it,” he said weakly. I called my mom and got a not-negative reaction. I called my mother-in-law and she was enthusiastic. He became [name_m]Truett[/name_m] that day and we never looked back.
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As a very indecisive person it was difficult for me to feel sure. In fact, I never really did. What made the decision for me between the two final names on our list was my partner’s preference and the extreme popularity of the other choice. I’ll always love that name ([name_f]Matilda[/name_f]) but its popularity bothers me - it’s in the top 15 here - and I couldn’t get past it.
I’m pregnant again and even if my partner gave me free reign I’d struggle to decide. I love quite a few boys’ names and almost every day a different one feels like ‘the one’. If I were your friend, I’d try to whittle it down to a few and then make a final decision when she meets the baby. Sometimes seeing your child can give you some clarity.
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Before our child was conceived we were traveling and I saw the name on a sign beside the road and thought to myself that it would be a beautiful name for our child but didn’t want to jinx anything by saying it straight away. About 2 mins later my SO said did you see that sign back there? Wouldn’t that make a great name for our future kid? And that was that. We never considered any other name, and he chose the middle name from a list of names I created from my side of the family tree (as our child has his LN)
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