[name]How[/name] did you know you were ready to have kids?
I used to think I would be ready this year, at age 23 when I was younger, but we don’t plan to TTC for another 3/4 years now. And even then, I’m worried that I’ll never be, well, selfless enough to give my life pretty much entirely to a little human being. [name]How[/name] will I know when I am ready? Did you just know it was the right time? Mostly just wondering maturity wise and emotionally. But anything you can say may help!
Well, I wasn’t going to respond because I haven’t had a baby yet, but no one else is replying so I will.
I’m ready for a baby now. I know it because I feel it inside myself. Sometimes, when I think about how I want one but can’t have one just yet, this horrible aching feeling starts up in the bottom of my belly and just sits there and hurts. Makes me cry sometimes. When I don’t feel that, like on a good day when i’m excited about the future rather than sad I have to wait for it, I feel this drive to look at names, start planning the birth and what i’m going to do afterward. Like when you get started on a project you have really been wanting to do and you feel this pressure sort of to just keep going and going until you finish that project.
That’s how I knew I was ready. I’m sure it’s different for everyone though, but I always feel my emotions very physically. [name]Hope[/name] that helps a bit.
For me, it was a feeling. An overwhelming, all-consuming longing. And dantea is right, it hurts. When you’re ready, you’ll know. I was 20 when we got pregnant. We had only been married for six months (and only trying for like, a day), but we both just knew. I think age and maturity are separate things, but maturity itself isn’t enough. When you become pregnant, you change. You start to think differently. Your priorities shift when you become a parent. I’ve always been pretty selfish, and that hasn’t changed much since becoming a parent. It still need time to myself. I still need to hang out with friends, spend time alone with my husband, buy things for myself. But the love for my daughter has over-shadowed it all. I love her more than myself. [name]Don[/name]'t get me wrong, I still love myself and need times to be a little selfish, but that’s just so I’ll stay sane. I wouldn’t be a very good parent if I didn’t take care of myself.
Again, you’ll just know when you’re ready. And you’ll change when you become a parent. But don’t neglect your own needs and wants. My daughter deserves me at my best. And my best is when I’m happy. And when I’m happy is sometimes when I’m being a little selfish.
I do not have children, but I am ready. I never thought I would want children, and I really hated the patronizing comments I would receive: “Oh, you will one day.” “[name]Just[/name] give it time!” While that came to be true for me, it’s not true for everyone and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be ready before raising a human being(Or realizing you may never be ready)! It was a combination of factors for me, but the main one being I met the right partner who I could see having children with. I could picture the baby stage- but also the terrible twos, the teenage years, and the thought of having adult children. It just started to make sense.
As long as you don’t listen to society or feel like you should be on the same track as women your age, I think you’ll know when it’s time, or not. 
I’d love to hear from moms out there though!
My husband and I met when we were 26 yrs old. For a while prior to this (a couple of yrs, maybe) I would feel the longing/jealousy in the pit of my stomach when I saw other women with their children. I think that for me, it was because I didn’t know when I was going to become a mom, and I wanted it so badly! After my hubby and I started dating, we quickly knew that this was ‘it’, and my longing for motherhood wasn’t as strong, because I knew that in time, it would come. After we were married, we tried to focus on saving some money, and ensuring that we would be able to afford all the ‘gear’ that a baby needs. Once we were one track, we talked about it for a while…were we ready to cut back on our wants, in order to take care of a baby? Were we ready for our lives to change forever? Etc! We decided after we’d been married about 6 months to give it a shot. But keep in mind, though, that at this point, we were 28yrs old, and 29 when our daughter was born. We are now expecting our second baby.
As the others have said, you will know when it’s right for you. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to sacrifice all of your ‘previous’ life to become a parent. …You still have to enjoy your life, and figure out how your child will fit in with your family and the life you want. Give yourselves the time to feel ready and comfortable with the changes that a baby will bring.
Labmama - You pretty much just summed up how we feel, except, that I’m much younger. I am 23, and he is 27, we have been together for over 6 years, so we definitely have a stable relationship for kids. We don’t have kids yet because we’re both students, and also want to focus on that saving and being prepared and etc, we’d like to own a home first and so forth. Right now for me though, we are putting so much effort into saving, scrimping and studying that once we finally hit the place where we are ready to have kids, I feel that it’s going to have been all work and no play, and I just don’t know how much real ‘play’ is involved after you have kids. I am very well versed in childcare and what it’s like to take care of children, so none of that worries me. I nanny 4 children, + pets, and have had them overnight for several nights at a time. So I know the sheer commitment one, or many kids take. We want to start TTCing when I am around 26/27, but right now that kind of scares me, as that will be only a year or two once I’m done school, and only just as our income is starting to reach what we’d like it to be. What about traveling and adventure and other types of things adults do before they have kids? I don’t even know if I’m making sense though. It’s just not a decision to take lightly, and definitely not one you can take back after a certain point.
I have crazy baby fever sometimes, and I know that ache, and yearning, but it usually does happen when I’m feeling lonely or longing for a change, so I obviously haven’t acted upon that yet!
Starting much later than myself being 26/27 isn’t too much of an option either, I’d like the time to have maybe 4 kids, and spaced 3-5 years, ideally 5, but since it’s already been pushed back, that age gap will have to shrink 
And as you all know, health problems, infertility and etc increase as both parents age and we’d like to keep those risks as minimal as possible.
I found out I was pregnant with my first when I was 21. We had barely been married for a year (I got pregnant 11 months into our marriage) and I was NOT prepared for that. We weren’t in a bad place financially, emotionally, etc, we just weren’t “there” yet. But life happens the way it is supposed to, and as it turned out, I was super excited to have my first boy. I definitely think it is important to be true to yourself. You want to be a little bit selfish, like sillysheila said, and continue to do things that you love and take care of yourself. Giving up on those things is a quick way to ruin a relationship, because those little “selfish” things are usually the reason your SO fell in love with you.
Anyway, I now have two boys that I love dearly, and I desperately want a third. Right now we are in a little bit of a tight spot, financially, and we can’t afford a third baby, so we are waiting. I was ready almost immediately after my second baby was born to have a third. I really don’t like big age gaps, so that was a motivating factor, but I also just really love being a mom. I love influencing a little person, watching them grow and change each day, and learn lessons. It is so rewarding. It is also exhausting, but so completely worth it.
I knew I was ready for my second baby because I so desperately wanted him. My husband and I got pregnant with him the first month we tried, and I was so overwhelmed with excitement. I knew before I could take a test that I was pregnant, because I could just “feel” it. Also, my body reacts quickly to the doses of hormones you get, and I have heart palpitations, so that was a big clue right off the bat.
Sorry. I digress. Back to knowing when you are ready… Like the PPs emphasized, there is no right or wrong age, or time, etc. You will feel it. You will realize that there is a person who is meant to be in your life soon, and you are ready for him/her.
I also understand your concerns about travel, etc. I think that it is so much fun as a family to go traveling. Those things don’t stop just because you have children. My 5 year anniversary is coming up this year, and we have been planning all along to go to Europe for our anniversary trip. We wouldn’t take our boys with us. They need little vacations from mom and dad, too. I don’t think our trip will happen this year, but my point is that life doesn’t stop because you have children. It changes, certainly. But all your goals and everything are very worthwhile, but so is having children. Nothing will be perfect. There isn’t ever a point when everything aligns perfectly and you realize it is now the perfect time to have children. If you are already feeling that yearning, maybe you will decide not to wait as long as you thought.
I could go on and on and on about this particular topic, but I think when you are ready you will know. Best of luck to you and your SO.
The day I looked forward to having my own teenagers and not just having a baby. It was also when I cared less about names, gender and the number of children I would have. Wasn’t over night, that’s for sure but things gradually fell into place. If you think there are thins you still need to do, get out there and do them. I did
I don’t have kids so I guess it’s hard for me to answer. But I feel mostly ready right now. My FI and I have talked a lot about having kids and we both want one. However, there are a few things I’d like to do before we try. First, I’d really like for us to be married. Not because I feel like we have to be, but because I want to focus on the wedding right now without worrying about a baby. I just got a new job so I’m happy with my professional life. I’d like for my FI to get a job closer to home, and preferably with more pay if we can find it. Once those things happen, I think we will start trying!
I know where you’re coming from though. There are times I like to go out downtown, travel, do things that would be hard to do with kids. But you don’t have to fully give up all of those things. It takes a little more planning, but you can definitely still do things. A good example I have is my friends. She has an 8 year old from a previous relationship, and they just had a baby about 6 months ago. They both still work, though she is in school so she works very little at the moment. They still get to do things with their friends. They don’t do as much as they might like to do, but their kids are their priority. I think this is the key to knowing you’re ready - are you ok with going out with your friends less? Are you ok taking time off work for the kid? Are you ok buying diapers and baby food more than buying new shoes and clothes? I’m at the point in my life, and that’s how I know I’m ready
I have wanted a baby and to be a mom coming on ten years now but it’s never been right … until now. See I wanted a baby when I was in high school, but I knew I need to go to college. I graduated early and met my hubby there. Then we waited so that I could finish my grad program and get a job. Four years later we keeped waiting so that we could marry first. Then we waited until we bought a home (specifically in an area with good schools). Now we [name]BOTH[/name] feel ready … still have to wait since my pregnancy will be high risk. I’ve met with three specialists and a nutritionist (and even my dentist) to make sure I’m in tippy top shape for baby making. Next week we’re actually trying. Yes, we haven’t traveled the globe like we want to but thts okay with us. We’re just ready.
I definitely can identify with the ache of wanting (or even needing) to be a mom. Also, i have stopped worrying about what’s the best month for a baby to be born and if I’d like a boy first or a girl or even caring whether or not i ever have at least one of each. When i imagine never having kids, it makes me feel so very empty and sad. [name]Every[/name] once in a while, i will say to my husband that maybe we shouldn’t have kids, just to see how that feels/sounds but it just seems so ridiculous to me to imagine never being a mom. I cry when shopping for baby gifts for friends or when i see one too many pregnant women at the mall!
I’m not sure I should answer this, but I will anyway.
My first child wasn’t planned. I was 18 when she was born. I had said throughout my teenage years that should I accidentally get pregnant I’d put the baby up for adoption for sure, because I didn’t feel in the slightest bit maternal.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked. So shocked I just sat there without speaking for 2 hours.
But when I started thinking about my baby growing inside of me, a result of the love between my then boyfriend (now husband) and I, I knew I’d go to the end of the world to protect her, provide for her and love her. And I knew I wanted to keep her more than anything.
[name]Even[/name] though I didn’t make the decision to have a baby voluntarily, when presented with the facts, I felt pain at the thought of giving her away. I wept at the suggestion of adoption from my parents. I fought against every stereotype out there so I could prove to our baby that the best place for her was with us. And I knew that if my DH didn’t want her, that I wouldn’t care. I’d raise her myself, I wanted her that bad.
What I’m getting at is this. [name]Imagine[/name] you found out 5 minutes ago that you’re pregnant. [name]Imagine[/name] that you don’t have your own place, you don’t have very much money and raising him or her might be hard. If you think you’d want to keep him or her, your ready. If not you need more time.
Best of luck
[name]One[/name] thing I know for sure is that even if you don’t think you are ready, as soon as you have a baby you will look back and wonder what on [name]Earth[/name] you did with your life before the baby.
They are all comsuming- you life, money, time and heart. But you won’t care!
Kibby, I feel almost exactly as you do. [name]Even[/name] the ages are the same! I also have been working with kids and even though it’s great experience, I just think, I wish I could earn money raising my own and they’d be, my own! I’m wondering if as a nanny we think that we have to be just like the parents of the kids that we work with, and take all this time for ourselves and buy expensive nice things for them, etc. I’m not saying you dont have to save up because I am doing that too, or that the parents of the kids you work for are necessarily like that. But i have been asking myself the same question. As soon as I pay off my college loans, I’m going to br trying to buy a house and have kids, and will I be in that same stress that I am in now? Hopefully my husband will have a real job by then, but this still has been bothering me as since we got married I have been earning more money than he does and when we have kids I wont be in that same position. And I want to travel too!
What ariennew and other PPs said is very helpful. I feel like every day the time comes closer and those worries seem to diminish and I know everything will be okay. And it’s comforting to know that we will still be able to do some selfish things after we have kids too. My parents drove us a lot of places and I dont know how they did it with 5 of us but I will be forever grateful for those family memories. And kids do love staying with Gma and Gpa once in a while! ;). I always look back on moms that I admire and how content they are with their lives. They recognize the full time job that being a parent is, but they take time to smell the roses and enjoy the moments with their kids and themselves. I know people who started while both were studying. Not my personal choice but I’m saying that it’s possible and they dont reget it at all! And dont feel like you will be too old either! As a christian, I take comfort in praying and knowing that God will help me know when the time comes. I think he doesnt mind me having baby fever for a little while so I will appreciate being a mom just that much more. You will know when you are ready. Best of luck!