Hey, I guess this post is more for people who have a different last name to their partners - But I’d love to hear from everyone if they have any ideas.
After a funny dream last night I’m curious as to how you and your partner chose your child (or future kids) last name. My dream involved myself and my boyfriend getting married but me not wanting his last name (Which I’m sure I’d take tbh); In my dream we were both against hyphenating the last names so we both took each others last name and made it our 2nd middle name.
eg. [name_f]Stephanie[/name_f] [name_f]Karen[/name_f] <Insert his last name here> B.
Shorter Version:
Question:
So if you were to have children while you and your partner didn’t share the same last name how would you choose?
I personally really like the idea of the Girls getting Mums and the Boys getting Dads.
I know of a family where the boy has a different last name from the siblings and has struggled a lot with that. If you only have 1 boy and 2 girls or the other way around the “off” child may feel excluded. So I personally wouldn’t go that route. I never took DH last name when we got married so we will hyphenate our children’s last names I guess if you didn’t want to hyphenate you could combine the last names?
I don’t mind people with hyphenated last names, mine and my partners just sounds a bit funny together…
I knew a family where they had 3 boys and 2 girls, they did the boys get dads LN, girls get mums. Their first daughter (Around 5 at the time) always bragged about her and her mum having the same LN… Their last was DD2, DD1 was excited about another little girl in the family and that she was going to have “Mummy and Sissies” LN.
The Mum was questioned quite a bit when they’d go to the doctors or other appointments with her sons since they didn’t have the same last name.
(Which I can see being questioned if the girls had dads last name too, happens to me all the time [I have my Dads last name]).
(Having to explain why they don’t share a last name wouldn’t be the hardest thing in the world but I can see it getting annoying if it were a regular thing lol)
In this situation, my first choice would be to give the father’s surname to all the kids. My second pick would be for the girls to have their father’s surname and the boys to have mine (mine is pretty rare). For a daughter, having the father’s surname is a must. My reasoning is more tied to ancestry than anything. Mothers pass on their maternal line to both sons and daughters, so when doing genetic ancestry tests I could “see” all about my female side. Unfortunately, since I’m not male the paternal side is impossible to access…men luckily can find out about both sides. So, I’d like it if the surname could highlight that little bit of paternal ancestry for a daughter.
We’re going to hyphenate ours. SO is Hispanic and it’s not custom for women to change their last name upon marriage in his culture. Some women add ‘de (of) ____ (DH’s first LN)’ to their name which I’m considering, but it would make my name unneccessarily long. I quite like the Spanish way, where the kids have dad’s first LN followed by mom’s first LN, but in the country we live now you can only have one legal LN so that doesn’t work for us.
Example (not using real names):
DH: [name_m]Javier[/name_m] [name_m]Sanchez[/name_m] [name_m]Romero[/name_m]
Me: [name_f]Ella[/name_f] [name_f]Marie[/name_f] Johannessen / [name_f]Ella[/name_f] [name_f]Marie[/name_f] Johannessen de [name_m]Sanchez[/name_m] (after marriage)
Kids: _____ (FN + MN) [name_m]Sanchez[/name_m]-Johannessen
My husband is Mexican, so he has two last names, as daphodil explained. We had our daughter before we got married, but I gave her the first part of her dad’s last name. We were engaged at the time she was born, so I knew I would take his first last name when we got married. I always hated my maiden name, [name_m]Brown[/name_m], so I didn’t want any part of that name. So for example:
My parents weren’t married when I was born so they didn’t have the same surname. They still don’t as my mom chose to keep her maiden name. I have my dad’s last name as do both my sisters. I would definitely give my kids their dad’s last name. I’m not sure about hyphenating last names. My surname is pretty short so I suppose I could do it but it would depend on the circumstances. Right now I’m leaning towards no because I think it would get annoying once they get to middle school and they have to write their first and last name on every assignment. It would just be too long. My cousins have a hyphenated surname.
I actually quite dislike the idea of siblings not having the same last name. It seems like a recipe for disaster as some kids might feel left out (especially in the situation @trippindippy described). Maybe I’m old fashioned like that but I really don’t care if my kids have my maiden name. I’d be okay if they just had my husband’s.