I’m in the TTC 2014 thread & maybe I should have posting there, but this kind of applies only to second time mothers & not specifically to brand new ones. Anyhow…
I went into things with no expectations for baby #1. I didn’t read much (cause that would’ve just made me more nervous) and I trusted & listened to my doctor about all things. I didn’t make a birth plan, cause my thoughts were that it’s not really something you can plan for. I ended up getting an epidural & having an easy-ish labor & delivery. I didn’t even make plans about nursing, but it ended up working for us. I was sooo laid back & just waiting to see what happens.
Now, with the potential for baby #2 becoming very real, I fear that I’m going to be a tough customer! I’m freaking out about being in a new state & unable to use my old doctor…I mean, commuting from NJ to [name_u]Brooklyn[/name_u] for an OBGYN is too crazy, right? But I [name_m]TRUST[/name_m] him! I’m totally afraid that an epidural at a different hospital will be stronger & I’ll be unable to push & need a C section. I’m afraid I won’t click with another doctor. I’m like 1000X more health obsessed & chemical paranoid now that I’m a mom too. And I think I’m too hung up on it all going the same way it did with #1.
And yet, I also feel more confident/old pro. I’m not afraid of infants this time so I am so excited to get to care for one again! With my daughter it was all a blur and less about gazing into her eyes as it was about hoping I would get it right & not drop her!
[name_f]My[/name_f] family doctor no longer does births & I don’t have a regular gyno so I just got referred to a Primary Care clinic with my first. I didn’t get an epidural but Labour was easy & pretty fast & I had no complications - but due to a nurse mistake I was given Morphine too close to delivery & my daughter was really sleepy when she was born. Consequently she didn’t eat enough, dropped temperature & had to spend her first night in the NNICU.
Needless to say I didn’t want that experience again.
So with my second child I wanted be very carefully monitored & less likely to have silly mistakes like that - and also be less likely to have unnecessary interventions that could lead to cesarean or whatever. I hooked up with a midwife clinic & found the staff there to be very supportive and I was really comfortable with them. They answered all my questions, were clear about my options & helped me have a very easy, fast drug free birth with my second daughter.
I was much more anxious my second pregnancy that my labour would go well. With my first I read a bit but not more than I had to, and I totally avoided the childbirth chapters! I was really laid back & figured things would just happened how they happen. With my second I was so worried that something would go wrong & there would be complications.
I would suggest if you are REALLY nervous, to get a Doula! They are labour coaches & they will be there the whole time - they monitor you, advocate for you & you can get to know them ahead of time so you are comfortable with them before you go into labour.
I didn’t get a Doula because I am very vocal & knew I wouldn’t want an extra person in my face unnecessarily, but I have friends who have used them & have nothing but good things to say about their experiences.
I kind of want a doula because I got so lucky in the nurse dept and wonder if I could strike gold a second time! [name_f]My[/name_f] nurse was like a doula for me & she was just wonderful. The one who was there earlier in my labor was gruff & unfriendly, so I know the possibility is there! I like the idea of ensuring that someone will be there to help me out.
I am totally a don’t touch me, look at me or talk to me when I’m in pain type. So I don’t really want the support aspect in a back rubs & cheers kind of way. I do think it would be good to have someone in a place of authority who you know you work well with to advocate for you.
Yeah some of the doctors & nurses are terrifying. Or (especially near the end of a shift) absentminded or seemingly incompetent. A Doula will only do what you want them too. Some women want the massages and pep talks and stuff during their labour & they are willing to do that, but if all you want is someone there to intervene and say “Um, no, this ___ isn’t necessary right now” or to actually monitor the progress of your labour via listening to your breathing etc. I think a birth plan is fine & dandy but when you’re in the moment you are under so much stress it would be nice to have someone making your desires & expectations known (or putting your options in plain english if issues arise), at least to put you at ease so you can relax & focus on getting that baby out!
I find it so interesting that people who had a great experience their first time are more worried & nervous the second time around! I would have guessed it would go the other way-- a bad experience is more likely to beget worry, naturally.
All other things being equal (same presentation, similar fetal weight, etc) a second+ labor is much much easier than the first. Your uterus tends to contract more strongly, earlier. The labor is shorter. The time to complete cervical dilation is shorter. Pushing is often more effective. You are less likely to experience vaginal tears. A prior vaginal birth-- all else being equal– dramatically lowers the risk of c-section.
As for your specific questions: re: the epidural, you can easily obtain your hospital records and see which medication (i.e. bupivicaine, bup+ fentanyl, etc) was used at which concentration and rate, and ask the obstetric anesthesiologist at the new place to replicate that. Perhaps your prior OB could recommend a colleague with a similar practice approach whom s/he thinks highly of-- and of course, you can interview multiple providers until you find one with whom you’re comfortable. You could even try something like [name_u]Angie[/name_u]'s List.
Personally, my second labor was a breeze compared to the first. [name_m]Stone[/name_m]-cold normal experience. And it’s been nice not to be paranoid that I’ll break the baby. Much more enjoyable, many fewer panicked checks in the middle of the night to ensure she’s still breathing.
What a great idea to obtain those records & ask them to replicate. But I must ask…
I partially wonder if I had such a great relationship with my doc because I respected his expertise. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you think that the typical OBGYN would find such a specific request annoying or unnecessary or even insulting? When I said something about not making a birth plan cause it didn’t seem like the kind of thing you could plan for my doctor & his assistant had a bit of a chuckle about it.
Not at all. It’s perfectly normal and evidence driven. “Look, my previous epidural was bupivicaine 0.125% started at 10cc/hr and I had the perfect sensory block but still good motor control. Can we try to replicate that?”
It sounds a lot more reasonable than “don’t F&*^ up.”
I am not an OB but personally I think birth “plans” are a bit dogmatic. Birth preferences, sure. It’s a very good idea to think through what you’d like to do in a particular situation, in case it arises. But you can’t plan a birth, imho. I imagine your OB was quite pleased that you shared this rather common view held by people who routinely attend births.
I will jump on the doula wagon with you. That is a great suggestion to put your mind at ease, I think. Find someone you connect with and can trust that she will do everything she can to help things go the way you want, and then if things don’t go exactly how you want, you will feel good knowing you tried, and also that she is still there advocating for you.
I was much more uptight about everything with #1, plus had a bad experience at the OB clinic I was attending, so I ended up switching to a different dr and clinic at 7 mos. I was scared to death, and we made the decision to hire a doula. She met with us, I liked her, and she was a great advocate during the labor, delivery and getting started nursing + post-partum support! It’s a great idea.
With #2, I was so much more laid back (opposite of you, ha), and was delivering with the dr I had for #1 (who by this time, I trusted and felt good about), so we didn’t hire our doula for #2.
Good luck to you! [name_f]My[/name_f] children are 4 yrs apart. I was really nervous about adding #2 into our family, but (after the initial post-partum period where I was slightly crazy/unbalanced/hormonal), it has been 100% amazing. I don’t know what we would do without our little girl! Such a blessing. Now I want another one…haha!
I had my son without an medication for the pain and it was quite miserable but I hoped to avoid it the second time because I really hate needles so epidurals scare me way more then the actual pain. But I was very nervous as my due date approached with my daughter that something would go wrong or that I wouldn’t be able to handle the pain. I had a very quick and intense labor with her and was in the hospital less then two hours when she was born after just two pushes and while it was painful it seemed more bearable then with my son. I was told that it’s pretty typical that second babies come a lot quicker.
I’m not at all worried about labour this time, and I wasn’t particularly worried last time. There are a lot of people on this earth, and they came out of vagina’s just like mine. Nothing to worry about!
But, it’s different this time for me because last time I wasn’t worried about the life changes that would come going from being a couple to a family, but this time I am worried about how I’ll cope going from one baby to two kids under two. Nowadays I generally just go along with whatever makes the baby happy, I’m very laid back and happy to dedicate my time to her whims. (Another hour eating dirt at the park? Why, don’t mind if I do!) But with two different little people who are likely not to want the same thing at the same time? I can’t envision yet how exactly I’ll make that work, and it scares me.
Anyway good luck I hope talking it out here helps relieve some fears.
The nice thing is that at first they sleep a lot and you’ll have awhile until you frequently have kids who want to do two different things. Taking care of two children is a lot trickier then one child but it’s so amazing when they play nicely together.
Much more enjoyable, many fewer panicked checks in the middle of the night to ensure she’s still breathing.