How do I get out of this pickle? Or don't and deal with it? (Re:girl name for #3)

Girl Names
1

So I’ll try and summarize. DH and I are polar opposite namers and he hates every name pretty much. We struggled with naming both of our DSs and I “settled” both times bc he vetoed everything and I was sick of arguing. This baby, our last one, is a girl due in [name_f]May[/name_f]. Out of the probably 200 names I ran by him, he only liked [name_f]Ada[/name_f] or [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Irene[/name_f] (after his mom and grandma). [name_f]Ada[/name_f] sounds weird with our last name so I gave in and said fine, [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Irene[/name_f] it is, figuring I could work on him to come up with something else.

I’m due mid-end [name_f]May[/name_f], so about in 13 weeks. Problem is, I’m not sold on [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f], while I like his mom and it’s a fine name, I feel like I was pressured into it. He already told her we were naming the baby after her, personalized things have been bought, everyone refers to her as that now…but me. I avoid saying her name and how do you “un-honor” someone and use another name? That seems insulting.

[name_f]Do[/name_f] I just try to come up with a nickname for [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] that I like? [name_f]Deal[/name_f] with it and eventually I’ll be ok with her name? (That worked for both of DSs’ names). I just wanted one of my kids’ names to be a name I adored but no joke he vetoed everything else.

Help please! It may just be pregnancy hormones but I’m seriously upset about this.

Names I like for reference:
[name_f]Alina[/name_f], [name_f]Rosalie[/name_f], [name_f]Madeleine[/name_f], [name_u]Haven[/name_u], [name_f]Violet[/name_f]

2

I think you should speak up. I know it’s not easy but you deserve just as much of a say in it as your husband does. If he’s vetoed 198 names, I think you have grounds to veto this one if you’re not sold on it :wink:

3

Stick it to the man! It should not be your husbands say on what to name your kids, you are the one carrying them after all. His mother might be a little dishearted but make [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] the middle name. Try to explain that you feel left out on naming YOUR baby. Try harder to agree on one you still have like 3 months. If my husband pulled this crap I would backhand him.

(also if he says no then just write whatever name on the birth certificate without him knowing)

4

Sadly, there will be hurt or angry feelings if you change your mind. I’m torn here. [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Irene[/name_f] is gorgeous! I would use it loud and proud. If you really can’t get behind it, you can try to discuss it with your husband. Once my husband and I agreed on names, he was not willing to discuss it any longer. So, I’m not sure you are going to have any luck based on your post. It’s not fair that you don’t get to choose names you love, but it sounds like he compromised as well. Personally, I think I would stick with the name.

5

This is a very tricky predicament… Honestly, I think I would try to work out a name you love from [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f]. Your daughter’s name doesn’t need to be the same as her grandmother and can I just ask you, was it ever in your interest to honor any of your family members or loved ones in one of your children’s names? Did your husband agree or let you? If not and he’s not willing to be open-minded on the names you suggested, I’m sorry, but your husband is very selfish.

Your children will most likely have his last name and that is in itself already a huge deal. Children belong to their mothers first and foremost.

Go with [name_f]Isabel[/name_f], [name_f]Isabelle[/name_f], [name_f]Isabella[/name_f], [name_f]Elsie[/name_f], [name_f]Lizzie[/name_f], [name_f]Eliza[/name_f] (I think this is adorable!), [name_f]Beth[/name_f] or [name_f]Bethany[/name_f], [name_f]Liza[/name_f] a la Minnelli, [name_f]Betty[/name_f], [name_f]Liz[/name_f]… anything. With [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] you have a world of possibilities. Now, I do think that the middle name should at least be the spot where you could incorporate a name you love, even if your husband isn’t so on board.

[name_m]Don[/name_m]'t go with [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Irene[/name_f] (Dad’s last name) because it only represents him and it’s important for you to be represented in your child’s name as well. I know it sucks to think of your mother-in-law’s disappointment or sadness, but you could also always keep [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Irene[/name_f] as middle names and choose a first that you prefer. This time, leave it to your husband to settle for a name YOU love with a nickname he loves.

It really disappoints me to read what you just said as in my point of view it’s a clear matter of male/patriarchal oppression.

6

I have an idea. Why don’t you pick a shortened version of her name as the full name like [name_f]Beth[/name_f] , [name_f]Betsy[/name_f] or [name_f]Liza[/name_f]? Or [name_f]Eliza[/name_f] or [name_f]Elsie[/name_f]. That way your still honoring her but getting a name you love. You sound like you hate it and it’s just going to cause fights if you go with it.

7

Well considering you settled twice - I think it’s fair enough that DH gets to settle for once!

Though I get that it’s sensitive because of this honour name being already mentioned.
[name_f]Do[/name_f] you like any variants of [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f]? Here are a few variants/diminutives that work as full names:
[name_f]Liana[/name_f]
[name_f]Beth[/name_f]
[name_f]Lillian[/name_f]/[name_f]Liliana[/name_f]
[name_f]Elise[/name_f]
[name_f]Isabel[/name_f]
[name_f]Eilish[/name_f]
[name_f]Ellie[/name_f]/[name_f]Ella[/name_f]/[name_f]Elle[/name_f]

What I would do: Explain to DH that you would like to name your child one of your favourite options considering you settled the first two times. Fight for a name you adore - if it happens to be a variant of [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] that’s a bonus - otherwise use [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] or one of it’s variants as a middle. It’s most important to prioritise only you & DH’s opinions - don’t worry about anyone else for now, they will understand and come around to it.

I love [name_f]Alina[/name_f] by the way! Would you call her [name_u]Ali[/name_u] ([name_f]Ellie[/name_f]) at all? Could work as a subtle tie to [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f]. I really like Alina Beth, you could try get DH to settle on that? Has Beth as a middle, and Alina Beth sounds like Elisabeth but with a name you like!

8

My mother in law’s name is Beth (on her birth certificate) so Elisabeth was my compromise. I feel like I should like it, it checks all the boxes, I just don’t love it if that makes sense. The only nicknames I like are Elsa or Lily but I like them on someone else’s child but not mine.

And since DH told her, I don’t want to offend her, but there are literally 7-8 names I like better and he’s getting the entire name already (first and middle). I just honestly start bawling when I think of months more of name fighting/disagreement. I don’t have the energy.

DS1 is Aleksandar and I literally called him Bubs til he was six months old bc I didn’t say his name out loud. DS2 was supposed to be Cameron until 2 weeks before he was born when DS announced he hated it and it sounded like a porn name so I scrambled and we agreed in Leo (not short for anything). I wanted to avoid all of that this time and we have literally argued over it since I got a positive test back in September.

I’m a giant name nerd and he wants simple plain names like John (seriously). Personalized things have already been bought for her because I thought I’d learn to like it. I’m just not…in love with it. On someone else’s child it’s elegant and classy and a bit boring but still nice. When people ask her name I can’t even spit it out so I say “Elisabeth but I think we’ll call her Elsa”.

Maybe I can learn to really like it?

9

As PP pointed out, you already settled twice. Your DH needs to understand there is literally no reason why his feelings about a name are more important than yours. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t feel guilty about having a preference.

10

Sorry you feel like this :frowning:

[name_m]Just[/name_m] a little add-on from my previous post - which sounded a little more direct/harsh.
Have you had this sort of heart-to-heart chat with him about it? [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t be afraid to mention these emotions and upset in as calm of manner as you can. Hopefully, he should realise that the level of distress you feel about this is most important.

11

You obviously feel very strongly about this and that is completely your right. If you feel shafted because you had to settle (and this is your last one) then you should definitely speak up. His feelings are important to a point, as it seems as though he’s gotten his way with the last ones. You may have come to love your sons names but you deserve to fall in love with THE name for once. It sounds like its his turn to settle. If you want, you could always name her the name YOU love and give her two middle names ([name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Irene[/name_f]). That way he gets his way and you get a name you love, plus its not as disheartening for his mother because her honour name is still part of it. If you want to start from scratch, that is also your right. When you think of your little girl, can you imagine proudly introducing her to the world as [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Irene[/name_f]? Or do you have a feeling that you could do better for her than to settle? If so, you are well within your right to sit your hubby down and have a talk with him about your feelings. In the end, everyone will love her no matter what she’s named and his mother will get over it eventually, especially if you explain to her that it just didn’t feel right. I hope you are happy with whatever you decide and if you really aren’t sure about the name don’t be afraid to fight for it and stand firm! Best of luck!

12

Also, personalized stuff or not, if it is not right then it simply isn’t right. All of that stuff can be replaced. What can’t be replaced is your peace of mind that you made the right choice. You shouldn’t have to force her name through your teeth everytime you call or introduce her. She’s all yours! Pick something you love for once :slight_smile:

13

I know it’s bad but you deserve better. What about [name_f]Giselle[/name_f]? It means the same as [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f].

14

You should definitely speak up. It might be disappointing for your [name_f]MIL[/name_f], but you ready settled for your other children’s names, and so I feel like it should be your husband’s turn to.

If you want to still honor your [name_f]MIL[/name_f], you could move [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] to the middle, or use a similar name like [name_f]Eliza[/name_f], [name_f]Elisa[/name_f], [name_f]Elise[/name_f], [name_f]Elsa[/name_f], etc.

15

So I actually had a conversation with DH about it. He was a little put out but surprisingly understands it’s important to me and he remembers what a hard time I had with DS1’s name so he is agreeable to moving [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Irene[/name_f] to the middle names spot and going with a different first name. I added up the personalized stuff that was bought and it’s a $45 loss- not the end of the world.

I still am having a hard time with knowing someone will be offended (most likely [name_f]MIL[/name_f]) and I feel awful but I thought my feelings would change and they’re just not.

So maybe I will give it some time to make sure [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] won’t grow on me (I’m pretty sure it won’t) and in the meantime work on my first name list.

Right now I have [name_f]Juliet[/name_f], [name_f]Sophie[/name_f], [name_u]Hadley[/name_u] on my first name list and I have time to compile more. DH made a face at all 3 but said he could “deal” with those. I like floral names like [name_f]Violet[/name_f] and [name_f]Rose[/name_f] but not sure if enough to add to the list. [name_f]Juliet[/name_f] is my favorite I think and the one he hates the least.

16

So glad to read your last posting!! I was really going to sky write you to speak up! (I loved my daughters name but it didn’t feel right till she was about 5months old either - so there is that).

I hope your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] will still feel honored with [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] being a middle name! (Got to tell you people sent us personalized things for our daughter after she was born and they all misspelled her name somehow - seriously - and I had sent everyone TWO birth announcements - one digital one on paper). So you know… who cares. lol.

If you really love [name_f]Juliet[/name_f] then go for it but if you think it’s your favorite because he hates it the least and because you don’t want to argue. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t. You’ll just find yourself in the same situation again!

[name_f]Rose[/name_f]/[name_f]Rosie[/name_f] would be an awesome name to add to the list. Well at least as a potential nn if you are up for it. It’s floral but still classic and simple for your DH??
Have you considered any on this list (I * the ones I love): [name_f]Rosalie[/name_f], [name_f]Roslin[/name_f], [name_u]Penrose[/name_u]**, [name_f]Primrose[/name_f], Omorose, [name_f]Rosetta[/name_f], [name_f]Rosemarie[/name_f], [name_f]Rosamond[/name_f], [name_f]Rosalba[/name_f], Rosinia, Rosabel…

[name_m]Just[/name_m] wishing you the best of luck and YAY! for speaking up!

17

Yay!! This makes me really happy what about [name_u]Eden[/name_u] , [name_f]Adeline[/name_f] , [name_u]Cassidy[/name_u] , [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] , [name_f]Stella[/name_f] , [name_f]Viola[/name_f] (Sounds like [name_f]Violet[/name_f]) , [name_f]Junia[/name_f] or [name_f]Hope[/name_f]?

18

I’m so glad you spoke up, and that it didn’t create too big a problem with your husband.
The names on your list are lovely, and I bet that your husband will grow to love whatever you choose once it’s attached to your daughter.

I think if you explain things to your mother-in-law (that you really want to honour her but would like to choose a unique first), she might be quite understanding. After all, she’s named a child herself - she might have found the process fraught too.

If your sons’ first names aren’t honour names, maybe you could frame the decision as wanting to be consistent /equitable (e.g. “I really just wanted a chance to choose a name I love that reflects my daughter as an individual, instead of using a family name for her first name. I don’t want her to feel she’s less unique than her brothers, and I don’t want the boys to feel like their sister got a more meaningful name or is more part of the family than they are”).
I don’t think you should lie, but if you feel it’s true, it might be a good thing to emphasise (rather than saying you don’t really like the name [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] that much, or something)

Maybe you could even offer to use [name_f]Beth[/name_f] as a middle (instead of [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f]), if you’re really worried about her reaction - it could be argued that her full name in the middle is a bigger honour than a variation of it as a first.
Or, if she has a mn you like, maybe you could use it as inspiration for your list of firsts (even just a starting letter or meaning or theme - if her mn is [name_f]Susan[/name_f], [name_f]Sophie[/name_f] or [name_f]Lily[/name_f] could work. [name_f]Violet[/name_f] could be a continuation of the flower theme. If it’s [name_f]Mae[/name_f], [name_f]Juliet[/name_f] could be a variation on the month theme).

Finally, if you find yourself completely torn between 2 first names you love equally, and your husband doesn’t have a strong opinion, maybe you could ask your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] for advice? I’d only do this if you really don’t have a preference for one, though, and only if you’re willing to take her advice (not taking it might be more upsetting than not asking, depending on her personality and how upset she is to start with).

[name_m]Just[/name_m] to clarify, I absolutely unequivocally think you should choose the name you love the best, as long as it doesn’t have any actually traumatic associations for your husband. The thoughts above are just back-up ideas in case you find you want or need them.

Congratulations on your baby girl, and good luck!

19

For what is worth, I think [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Irene[/name_f] is gorgeous and I have both names in my list. However, this girl is supposed to be your last child I’m glad you spoke out. He was going to get both names and both of them were going to honor his side. You are going to deliver this baby, so you have your right to pick something you like, too, and considering you compromised with your two first kids you are in your right to pick something you truly adore. If you can’t even consider [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] when you say it aloud… don’t do it. I think your mother in law will understand. You are not removing [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Irene[/name_f] out of her name so she and your husband can call her that if they want it.

The names you have posted are very pretty. I think [name_u]Hadley[/name_u] clashes a little with the classics [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] and [name_f]Irene[/name_f], tho. [name_f]Juliet[/name_f] and [name_f]Sophie[/name_f] are beautiful. I also like [name_f]Rosalie[/name_f] and [name_f]Madeleine[/name_f], but maybe they are too long with [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] and [name_f]Irene[/name_f]? My pick would be [name_f]Sophie[/name_f], but I’m biased.

Suggestions:
[name_f]Alice[/name_f]
[name_f]Caroline[/name_f]
[name_f]Louisa[/name_f]
[name_f]Claire[/name_f] / [name_f]Clara[/name_f]
[name_f]Amelia[/name_f]
[name_f]Adelaide[/name_f]
[name_f]Cordelia[/name_f]
[name_f]Aurora[/name_f]
[name_u]Eloise[/name_u]
[name_f]Matilda[/name_f]
[name_f]Emma[/name_f]
[name_f]Eleanor[/name_f]
[name_f]Felicity[/name_f]
[name_f]Josephine[/name_f]
[name_f]Audrey[/name_f]

Good luck! [name_f]Hope[/name_f] you find THE name!

20

I’m so glad you were able to have a positive talk with your hubs! I like pp’s suggestion of having [name_f]Beth[/name_f] or [name_f]Beth[/name_f] [name_f]Irene[/name_f] (or other [name_f]Beth[/name_f]- name?) as the middle to more directly honor [name_f]MIL[/name_f], if that idea is palatable to you. (Coincidentally we are set on honoring my [name_f]MIL[/name_f], also a [name_f]Beth[/name_f], in the middle name of our new baby :slight_smile: We have thought about [name_f]Beth[/name_f], [name_f]Bethany[/name_f], [name_f]Annabeth[/name_f], & [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f]/[name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f].)

I like the idea of giving yourself a little time to find a name you love as the new first or see if [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] (or nn) actually does grow on you. I will say out of all the names in the world, [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] is maybe the most nicknamable of them all. [name_m]Just[/name_m] in case there’s any here you hadn’t considered…

[name_f]Bea[/name_f]
[name_f]Bee[/name_f]
[name_f]Belle[/name_f]
[name_f]Bella[/name_f]
[name_f]Bess[/name_f]
[name_f]Beth[/name_f]
[name_f]Betsy[/name_f]
[name_f]Bette[/name_f]
[name_f]Elisa[/name_f]
[name_f]Elise[/name_f]
[name_f]Eliza[/name_f]
[name_f]Ella[/name_f]
[name_f]Elle[/name_f]
[name_f]Ellie[/name_f]
[name_f]Elsa[/name_f]
[name_f]Elsie[/name_f]
[name_f]Essie[/name_f]
[name_u]Isa[/name_u]
[name_f]Ilsa[/name_f]
[name_f]Izzie[/name_f]
[name_u]Izzy[/name_u]
[name_f]Lea[/name_f]
[name_f]Leia[/name_f]
[name_f]Lettie[/name_f]
[name_f]Lia[/name_f]
[name_f]Libby[/name_f]
[name_f]Liesl[/name_f]
[name_f]Lila[/name_f]
[name_f]Lilla[/name_f]
[name_u]Lisa[/name_u]
[name_f]Lissa[/name_f]
[name_f]Liz[/name_f]
[name_f]Liza[/name_f]
[name_f]Lizzie[/name_f]
[name_f]Lizzy[/name_f]
[name_f]Tess[/name_f]
[name_f]Tessa[/name_f]
[name_f]Thea[/name_f]
[name_f]Zea[/name_f]
[name_u]Zia[/name_u]