DH has been mentioning having another baby a lot lately. Problem is our youngest is only 6 months old and our girls are just shy of being 11 months apart. It’s a struggle having them so close in age and it makes me almost not want to have a third. [name_m]How[/name_m] do I tell him this without being rude about it because I’m at a point where I just want to go off on him. He mentions it all the time!:mad:
Deciding to have another baby has to be a mutual decision. [name_m]Just[/name_m] tell him you’re not ready and you want to enjoy the young ones you have for a bit. Pregnancy is so hard on the body, especially pregnancies with short distances between them. [name_m]Just[/name_m] be honest and tell him that you’re not physically or emotionally ready for another. If he keeps pushing, well, it’s your body. You make the call. 
Have you tried speaking to your husband about this? That would be the first thing I would do. [name_m]Just[/name_m] tell him what you said here- that you are struggling with two small children close in age right now. That isn’t rude at all. It is also completely understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed and not wanting more kids at the moment. If you are having trouble saying this out loud, maybe write him a letter? That can sometimes be easier for difficult or touchy subjects.
You also don’t have to say never. You can just say that you don’t want to talk about having more kids right now. Maybe set a date that you are willing to talk about it again, like when your youngest is X age.
If you are finding it difficult to get through to your husband on this, you could probably get your doctor to back you up on this. You have a 17 month old and a 6 month old. I think most doctors would support you in not wanting to get pregnant again right away.
I agree that it’s a good idea to say something like “I don’t want to talk about having another until next year” or “until our youngest is potty trained”. It will be much less rude to bring it up calmly then to go along with his comments until you snap. [name_m]Just[/name_m] say something like “honey, you keep mentioning trying for another, and I think it’s because I’m so overwhelmed with taking care of two little ones now, but the thought really stresses me out, so can we agree not to talk about trying for another until X time?”
Thanks ladies for all the advice! I actually love the idea of writing him a letter and I think he may take it better. I’m half Sicilian and while I always try to stay calm and let people know how I feel about things it has a tendency to get rather dramatic and loud fairly quickly. I’m hoping this way I will be able to keep my cool and say it in a way I probably couldn’t say if I just tried to tell him. I’m actually on birth control so if he keeps nagging me I will just tell him I’m staying on it until he quits bugging me about it. That should at least give me a two year break 
You have more self-control than I do, Mama! I’d have “gone off” on my hubby already! lol
At six months post-partum, you are not even fully recovered from childbirth yet. Heck, at 17 months pp from your firstborn many women still wouldn’t be ready for another one. I know I wasn’t.
If he brings it up again, I’d ask him… “what’s your hurry?” [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you guys do have time constraints, remind him that for medical reasons, OBGYNs recommend at least 18 months between pregnancies. If you add the “missing” 7 rest months between your two girls (11 month existing gap vs. 18 months recommended) to that, you get 25 months. That’s the break you and your body deserve before anyone asks you to think about another child!
Tell hubby to cool his tools! 
You may find upon drawing him out that he’s not truly ready for another baby, either. It may simply be his way of expressing delight in the process of adding to your family and co-parenting with you.
If he really and truly is beginning to feel “ready,” tell him what I told my hubby when he was pushing me to ttc #2 the first year after our son was born: “I love having your children. BUT I want to be a happy, loving mom. Not a miserable b1tch of a mom. So I need you to understand that I am not ready to add one more child. Let me be a happy mommy to the ones we have instead of an exhausted, miserable mother of these plus one more.”
Good luck!
Wow, two little ones under 17 months, including a 6 month old? No wonder you’re exhausted and not interested in another one right now. I come from a society which boasts many young children relatively close together, and it’s absolutely exhausting.
Unless you’re almost 40, I personally wouldn’t rush into having any more within the next year or so - in no time you’ll have two toddlers, which is also a whole can of worms in itself!
Let your husband know that you absolutely love your girls and want to spend some time really enjoying the family before increasing it. Explain how you haven’t gotten a break from being nursing/pregnant for about 2 years, and you physically need to relax in order to personally rejuvenate. If you husband is a caring, loving guy (which I’ll imagine he is) he’ll see this through your new perspective, and he’ll want to give you a break.
Good luck with the communication, and enjoy your girls. They’ll be best friends sooner than you know it!
I just turned 25 so I have no idea what his rush is. Maybe he’s hearing my biological clock tick louder than I am even though I still have at least 20 more years to have kids it’s not like I’m starting menopause tomorrow. I wrote him a letter, but I’m debating now if I want to really give it to him or if I want to duke it out face to face. I may just give it to him because I swear if he asks me again I will explode and I don’t want that to happen because it won’t solve anything. Wish me luck! I hope he takes it ok as he should since he’s not the one having them (I had two c-sections so he needs to give me a break seriously)
I so appreciate that you know yourself well enough to know that your fuse is getting short on this, and you want to take care. I think that says something about not only what kind of partner you are, but also what kind of mother.
You absolutely deserve a break. You deserve to say that you aren’t ready for more for sure. Though I would hold back on “ever” because you may not feel like that in a few years and that would be something he would need to adjust to, for sure. Right now though, more would be overwhelming! Unstandably!
I’m only just now on my second pregnancy, and my oldest is six. Granted, this gap is a bit wider then I intended, but oh well. I have to believe that your husband is unaware of how much punishment your body and mind have taken, but I do think he needs to be made aware of how much he is asking of you.
I would suggest asking why he is in such a rush, I think knowing the answer to that might help you better formulate your thoughts and concerns.
Was he a lonely child with siblings much older or younger? Did he have a bunch of siblings close in age to him? Is he older then you are? Does he just love newborns? Does he love it when you are pregnant? (Some men are especially attracted to pregnancy),
Most women would understand without rationalization from you at all why you don’t want more. But I think coming to understand his side of it (no matter how frustratingly lighthearted and easy he seems to see baring children and caring for babies) will help you deal with this issue between you. Good luck! We’re on your side.