So you have children, you probably have a degree, you probably had a career before children, now the children are not babies you have decided to join the workforce again.
[name]How[/name] do you feel about entering the workforce again?
Is it for career satisfaction?
Is it for financial reasons?
Have you over committed yourself on the mortgage and can’t survive without a second income in the home?
[name]Do[/name] you have help from extended family?
Did you always plan on returning to the workforce and if so did the age of the child/children come into it?
Are you always tired because of the workload ie a 40 hour week, ferrying the children around and general housekeeping duties?
Does the workplace give you satisfaction particularly career satisfaction or is it just a relief to use your professional brain and escape from the eternal baby talk at home and at playgroup?
Does your DH help with the children and housekeeping duties or just look after the ‘guy’ jobs around the house?
I would love to hear your reasons for returning to full time work and how it affects you and your family.
I am pregnant with my first child and even though I always wanted to stay home with my children for the first couple years, finances aren’t going to allow that, so I’ll be going to work when he’s about 3 months old. It might not be that bad, but for now, I’m kind of heartbroken. The people at daycare will literally see my child more than I do, since most of the time he’s home with me, we’ll be asleep. My mom keeps reminding me that she had to work throughout my childhood and that a lot of other moms do too, and still manage to have close, loving relationships.
I’m in the same boat! I’m expecting my first in [name]June[/name] and I know I’ll have to go back to work after a 3 month maternity leave. It’s a combination of wanting to keep my career going combined with financial need and using my awesome benefits. But I would just like to have the option to only work part time. Not in the cards though.
We haven’t decided about childcare yet but I’m lucky that my parents live close by and have offered to help out for a few days a week. My mom also was a working mother so I think I’ll be leaning on her for a lot of support. I also have a very flexible workplace with understanding people.
Compared with a lot of people, I’m very very very lucky. I try not to complain but every now and again I wish I had the option to go back to work when “I” want…not when maternity leave is over.
I’m in the same boat! I’m expecting my first in [name]June[/name] and I know I’ll have to go back to work after a 3 month maternity leave. It’s a combination of wanting to keep my career going combined with financial need and using my awesome benefits. But I would just like to have the option to only work part time. Not in the cards though.
We haven’t decided about childcare yet but I’m lucky that my parents live close by and have offered to help out for a few days a week. My mom also was a working mother so I think I’ll be leaning on her for a lot of support. I also have a very flexible workplace with understanding people. My husband is also super-organized and we definitely split all the housework, so that won’t be too bad.
Compared with a lot of people, I’m very very very lucky. I try not to complain but every now and again I wish I had the option to go back to work when “I” want…not when maternity leave is over.
I never, ever, ever, ever, ever considered staying home with [name]Antoine[/name], as wonderful as he is.
I had 4 weeks of maternity leave. Yes, 4 weeks. There aren’t exactly temps who can fill in for me (there’s not a large pool of trained surgeons waiting around to be plugged into other people’s vacations, maternity and family leaves, etc), so my being out was a very large stress on everyone else, who had to adapt without me.
I also have invested far too much in my job to consider leaving it, in terms of years, dollars and hours.
Lastly, I love what I do. I would feel like an incomplete person if I sat around staring at a preverbal little human all day. On the other hand, I would feel like an incomplete person if I didn’t have that preverbal little human to come home to.
I have nothing against working moms. I understand that it is sometimes the only option. But I personally want to wait to have kids until my partner and I are financially stable enough to afford me leaving the work force to stay home and care for our children. I just can’t imagine having a baby and then going back to work. not staying at home to raise him/her full time seems like torture. That’s what my mother did, and my father worked from home. It was amazing having them both around all the time. I had a terrific childhood because of it.
Before I had [name]Rowan[/name], I thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom as long as possible. But now that she’s a year old, I’m actually getting a little stir crazy sitting home all the time. We agreed that my husband will work because he can usually make more money than me (he’s a server) but the way it’s been lately, I would probably make more if I went back to work. So I’m looking for a job currently so I can be the primary wage earner and he can work 1-2 shifts a week for extra money. And believe it or not, he is a better home maker than me. He’s amazing with children, he can cook, he cleans the entire house in under an hour when it takes me waaay longer… so I don’t feel guilty or scared of leaving [name]Rowan[/name] with him. I know she’s in good hands, and I can get out of the house and actually talk to human beings, not just a one year old and her toys.
I recently enrolled my 15 month old twin boys in preschool. In the beginning I was conflicted about my decision. My husband works (and has since they were 1 month old) and I was going back to finish a degree I had started (for a potential second career, so it wasn’t something absolutely essential for me). I was feeling guilty for putting them in school when I didn’t “have” to.
There were absolutely aspects of being home with them I loved, but honestly being on my own with them for 10+ hours a day was very wearing on me emotionally and I felt it strained my family in negative ways. I found my patience with my boys and my husband wearing thin.
[name]Seven[/name] weeks into their preschool experience I am confident that we made the right choice for our family. Having the time during the day to think about something other than snacks, diapers, milestones, and who is hitting whom has given me much needed space to become an even better mother. Now, during the time I spend with my kids I am more energized and engaged (not that I wasn’t before, but it is much less of an effort now). I still miss certain things about getting to spend every moment with them but I would not go back. In fact, today their school was closed for a professional development day. My secret suspicion is that part of the reason for “professional development days” is to remind all the parents how lucky we are to have the preschool in the first place. (Lets just say today was rough for me.)
But so far I’ve focused on the benefits for myself, neglecting the benefits for my kids. I have noticed huge leaps in their abilities in things like hand eye coordination, and their ability to interact with older kids (among SO many other things). Whenever we walk by their preschool (and this happens a lot since it is really close to our house) they get excited because they think they are going to get to go play. They love their teachers and have already, in the short time they have been there, developed great relationships with them. They are also able to get a huge amount of stimulation that it would be difficult for me to provide for them on my own. The school has access to a much more a wider variety of toys than we have, as well as huge amounts of art supplies and a diverse range of instruments. They are learning so much from the environment there. Now I’m sure there are some schools wouldn’t be as fantastic- we were careful to pick one that we felt aligned with our personal values- but we feel strongly that attending school is having a positive impact on their lives. [name]Do[/name] I still have twinges of guilt sometimes that they are there long hours on some days (7:30 to 4pm on the longest days)? Sure I do. But do I know that our decision is the best possible thing for my family’s cohesion, sanity and general well-being? Absolutely. I think that is the most important consideration for any family.
On a broader note, if the aspect of preschool is of interest, you should check out The [name]Perry[/name] Preschool Project from 1962. It is an incredible experiment that demonstrated the wide ranging lasting benefits of preschool. It was also discussed in one of this week’s Planed Money episodes (from NPR).
Personally I think it’s a no-brainer. It’s like the homeschool “debate”-- how could you, as an individual, possibly mimic the resources of a full-time, professional staff?
For starters, simply the physical daycare is superior to my house. [name]Antoine[/name]'s daycare has a great deal more expensive equipment than I would ever be able purchase; it has orders of magnitude more educational toys; it has trained teachers with degrees in early childhood education who plan lessons in math, science, language, etc at an age-appropriate level (even for babies), an in-house chef who prepares 3 organic meals daily with dietary restrictions if requested, and 4 teachers per room of 9 infants. I could never, ever, ever replicate those resources for my son.
And of course, there are the innumerable cognitive and developmental benefits that come with early socialization, parallel and then serial play with other children, mimicking older children who are further along in their physical development, learning to share and wait one’s turn, routine contact with others diminishing stranger anxiety, etc. Sharing everything, including minor illnesses, is even desirable: it’s an immune-booster which will dramatically reduce his chances of developing allergy and asthma farther down the line.
If we have another child it will simply become cheaper to engage a nanny than to pay tuition for two, but I would really have difficulty with the decision since I greatly desire the benefits of a full professional daycare/school.
The truth of the matter re: having a young child is that it can be very, very, very boring. Like stultifyingly boring. And my very firmly held belief is that a mother who is energized, engaged and firing on all cylinders, and who can occasionally break free from the ennui that accompanies the routine, repetitive, cyclical tasks that come with caring for a young child is much better able to appreciate that child when she comes back to him.
I was able to have a year home when each of my two sons were born. I was finishing up school with the first and just in between jobs with the second. I went back both times for financial reasons. I make way more than my hubby (who works way harder than I do ;)), but, anyways, being back at work I am conflicted.
In a perfect world there would be something where I could do half my job at half pay…there have got to be more moms in this position and I just wish our culture/economy was more accepting of this. Why can you not just have two people doing one job as long as the work is enough to go around and the two agree on a half time schedule.
I want to do what I love and what I’m good at, just not 5 days and 40 plus hours a week!
There are moms that work because they must for financial reasons.
There are moms that work because they love their jobs or careers.
There are moms that stay home because they believe that it’s best for their children, whatever the costs.
There are moms that go to work because being a stay-at-home mom bores them, though they love their children.
There are moms that stay home because they see it as a positive for their children, but they haven’t found a career that affords them the personal satisfaction and/or a significant paycheck which tips the balance.
There are moms that stay home because they feel too guilty not to.
There are moms that go to work because they feel too guilty not to.
I could go on…but the point is that every answer to the question is very personal and nuanced, and the details of one person’s life which lead to one decision are not necessarily relevant to life of the person making a different decision. And the decision is never final…who knows what lies ahead that would shift the balance? The choice each person makes is based in their financial situation, education level, their emotional history, their relationship with their SO, the availability of child care, the number of children they have, their social network…Again, I could go on and on.
I know this question was not meant to be incendiary, but as a fifteen year veteran of the mommy wars, I cringed when I saw it. I think it’s helpful on these boards when we talk about our perceptions of a name…a person want to know how their child’s name will be received. When it comes to the stay-at-home vs. working mom (as well as the breastfeeding vs. formula, homeschool vs. public school, etc.) question though, I’ve seen too many women (and a few men) tortured by their choices and limitations. People are too quick to make assumptions that the resources and choices and capabilities they have are available to all. And people are also too quick to blame themselves when they don’t have the same resources, etc. available to others. That’s not to say that it is a question that shouldn’t be discussed. Rather, it’s a question that ought to be carefully discussed.
I’d love nothing more to see a society in which every man and woman had financial independence, positive familial relationships, rewarding and satisfying careers, and every childcare and public school provided top notch care and education. Then we could discuss ‘the choice’ on level ground. In the real world, though, I think we are all looking at the question from different elevations.